Where to proceed? (text/call frequency, second date?!)

[Ricky]

Okay, first off, I posted here a looooooong time ago. Looking at about six years I bet. Back in college. I was in the typical freshman mindset of pining and all that, blah, blah... Only reason I mention that is to apologize for not being a regular poster!

Now, something came up recently and want some guidance as for where to go. Long and short of it, finished a first date last week with someone I met online and I'm gauging when/how often to text or call back, and what to do for date #2. For the whole story, you can read below, but be warned I made it long so I could give all the details.

I joined an online dating site for the hell of it, and about a month into using it I finally get somebody who not only responds more than once but actually engages in conversation (hey!). We sent messages back and forth over the course of several weeks. The initial connection was that we are both extremely busy people, and we pretty much vented about our hectic lives to each other, saying what we're planning on doing over the holidays, etc. I brought up a coffee date (we both looove coffee), and she said sure, when her schedule got more free. About a week or so later, she said she had a Tuesday evening off and could meet for an hour. I jumped on it and we're off! That's when she gave me her number so I could text her when it got there.

I also made a visible effort to make it down; unfortunately it was a nightmarish day at work, and I missed lunch with my sister and father, and there was a possibility I'd miss the date because of overtime. She said she had no problem with rescheduling, but when I finally got out, I said I had enough time and really didn't wanna miss out on two engagements because of work. I mention this just in case I may have acted a little too enthusiastically. Probably didn't, though.

Anywho, date went fine. We pretty much small-talked just like we did online. There isn't a whole lot we connect on likes/hobbies wise (for example, she said she plain out doesn't do scary movies or spooky stuff, not so much that she's scared by them, but just has no desire for them. Which is a shame, because I love scary stuff! Oh well...). Nevertheless, we talked for well over an hour, despite the understanding that she had to go to bed early that night (she had to get up at five the next morning!). In fact, I was the one who eventually brought up the time, not wanting to keep her out too late.

I mentioned meeting again in the near future, and she said sure, but not until next month, because January was going to be hellish for her. She said just to text her when I want to do so. I mention this, cause, well, this ties into one of my questions. She made it apparent that she's not a phone person (neither am I, luckily). She mentioned that she usually takes care of her phone calls on the way home from work, in the car. So I take that and the suggestion to text her as a sign not to call her out of the blue...

Anyway, so we parted our ways. My car was parked farther out (I got there after her), and we paused near her car to say goodbye. She kinda fumbled with her steps, because I think she may have been expecting a kiss or a hug. All she got was another handshake.

I texted her the next day just to say a quick "glad to meet you" and "hope to do it again," which she responded positively with.

So, my question... should I wait up until it's second-date time to send her another text? Or should I be doing so sooner/more frequently? I have a bad habit of not keeping in touch with people, and I don't want to put off that I'm not interested, because she seems really nice and has her crap together (and, as a bonus, she was prettier than her profile picture!). And, should I even bother calling, or should I just wait for that to be more of a natural occurrence, after we (hopefully) get to know each other?

Aaaaand, while I'm at it, any good second date ideas? I'm thinking something more activity-focused, but we never really touched down on what we like to do outside our professional lives except kick back and relax.

Sorry for the long post, but thoughts are appreciated!

[carl1222]

OK, so the first date went well (don't worry about not going for a kiss ... kiss is optional on the first date).

There is no rational "rule" for when to call. Fortunately, she has already given you a heads up on her busy January ... take her at face value, and respect her schedule. Send her a very occasional text to let her know you are still interested. A few weeks into next month, ask her how things are going with her busy schedule. Tell her you'd like to see her again when things lighten up.

My favorite early dating activity ... don't laugh ... is miniature (putt-putt) golf. Lots of opportunity for interaction in a mildly competitive environment. Worst activity ... a movie.

Good luck.

[surfhb]

Its a date, youre not taking corporate client to lunch. Dont know why everybody no says "No Movie"? So what? You can still whisper in her ear during. Everyone drops their guard in the dark so IMO....a movie is one of the best first date ideas there is. Plus you automatically have something in common.

[Ricky]

Thanks for the words so far. I can't knock putt-putt, haha. As for a movie, I'm not against movie dates, but if I don't know the person I admit to feeling awkward. I like going to the movies with people I know.

[bcgirl]

how do two totally busy worked driven people have the time for serious relationships when it's tough to even find one hour on a tuesday evening to have coffee?!! You need to find a balance of work and personal life or else this relationship has already started out as a disaster before it even begun.

[smackie9]

If there isn't much for having the same interests, then you will get bored quickly, and the awkwardness will just continue. Trust me on this one, you need chemistry, you need to "click" if a relationship is gonna go anywhere. Having a lot in common is key. Keep looking.

BTW horror movies rawk!

[bulrush]

I'm in a similar situation. One girl I'm talking to is very busy at work for the next 6 weeks. She simply said she likes me, but cannot devote the time to dating, but she wants to keep in touch for now. When her work slows down we will get together. At least this girl was direct about 1. she likes me (and I like her), 2. why she can't see me right now, and 3. she wants to keep in touch via email.

It's all about communication. Sometimes people are busy and schedules don't mix well. You can choose to stay with it or not. But I do believe one needs face-to-face dates in order to develop emotions and a connection. Otherwise it just doesn't work. IF your schedules NEVER mesh up well, and you end up not seeing each other much, I can't see how it would work out. Plus, you said you don't have a lot of hobbies/likes in common.

[Ricky]

Yeah, we're both busy, but that's life in today's society (for some people). We're both the same age and at the same point in our lives; only a few years out of college and setting our foundation. I work freelance to make extra money and nuture my writing on the side as well. She's internting in the medical field. We'll both have our slow months, and this lifestyle won't be hectic forever (hell, I still manage to hang out with friends and have a social life).

I definitely plan on doing the second date, and from there I'll be able to establish how well we click. Nothing was really awkward, just that we differed from each other a bit. We shall see!

[oldskool83]

I would send her a text a week after, if she dont text much back fck it. but keep looking, waiting a month for a 2nd date is kinda BS. no one is that busy. no one!!!!!!!!!! she'd have to go to jail to be so busy for a month. I say you need to talk to other women. I find that an excuse early on leads to nothing....but women getting peaced!!!!!!!!!!!!!


next!

[Ricky]

I shall probably keep looking up some local events and text her in the next week to see how she's doing and what she's feeling. If there's a good movie, maybe dinner and a movie. If there's something fun.. well, we shall see.

I don't think she's making excuses. Her internship has her up at five in the morning and she's often working past ten hours a day. She shares a house with some peeps and comes home in the evenings, chills out with BBC, and gets some shut-eye. This month has her on a hectic project with over 40 patients. I see where she's coming from.

[bcgirl]

^ I work for a surgeon. His day starts at 6 am and ends at 9pm..... he still has time to go out and meet people afterwards. Sure....she may be tired after working 14 hr days....but, if she really wanted a second date, she would drink a couple of redbulls and make that second date happen earlier than 1 month.

[Ricky]

Well, to be fair, she wasn't hot to leave our initial date, and had I not brought up the time I think we could have well stayed there for up to two hours. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, but thanks for the heads-up; I will definitely not have my blinders on. If I find someone better, her bad.

[Ricky]

Well, I texted her over the weekend with a quick "hope your month is going all right" and stuff, mentioning that I was thinking about where to go next time, and I got no reply still. I guess that's my answer.