Girl wants some time to think, I desperately need help.

[sythmod]

Hello there, I've had some great luck with the answers I've gotten off of this forum earlier, so I hope you can help me again, it would be much appreciated!

I met this 18 year old girl (I'm 19 years old) in the middle of november, we started hanging out a lot in the start of Desember, and she were at my place several times. We kissed and so it all began.
We had a really good time, and after about 2 weeks we talked about "us", and we both wanted no serious relationship. We didn't understand why we should rush into something when we had
a good and undefined relationship, with kissing and cuddling and everything.

Anyway, we had a really good time and it worked out really well. I ate dinner with her and her parents like two weeks ago and everything was really good. Until I suddenly started to feel like she didn't
give me as much attention as she once did. When we were together everything seemed fine though, she kissed med and wanted me to hold her any everything, but she was not so eager when we weren't
together. So after two weeks where I had the feeling that something might've been wrong, I decided to talk to her about it.

I asked her what it was about and she told me that she had retreated a bit because she is not sure exactly what she feels; and even though I knew this from before (because we had talked about it), I didn'treally like to hear it, and then she told me she just needs some time to figure out how she feels about me. So I asked her what was going to happen now, and she told me:

I feel that the stage we are in now is just to figure out what we feel, and that we have no strings attached.
And that it's just nice to have someone that's a little bit special and you're extra close with.
We are still on the same stage as we have always been in, but it is not so serious. It is just to figure things out.

So yeah, love forum; what should I do? What do you think she wants? And is it all over, or are there still hope? I mean she still wants to stay at the stage we've always been at,
which means watching movies in bed and making out etc, etc..
And how should I adjust to this? Should I back off a bit and just let her take the initiative to make plans etc? We are in the same class at school, so we always sit together twice a week in that class, which makes it hard to cut her all out and make her miss me, if that could be a plan.

The thing is that I've started developing some feelings for her, which makes everything a lot harder....

Anyways, thanks a lot if you read through this! Any help is greatly appreciated!

Best regards, Sythmod.

[dan2k7]

I personally would stand fast and let her contact you and make plans etc. If she is getting cold feet at such an early stage its likely she will call it a day but don't reveal your feelings just yet, you never know what could happen.

[bulrush]

She might be starting to have feelings about you, but you said you want a casual relationship. So, my guess is, she has to figure out if she can make this work or not. Talk to her, encourage her to be honest, that you'll like her no matter what she says, and see what she says.

[sythmod]

I am thinking about doing that bulrush, but I also think I should just back off a bit and let her think things through...

Thanks a lot for replies though, it makes everything a bit easier to hear what others are thinking!

[Mr. Turtle]

Not for nothing, I am usually very supportive if the situation has hope. However, in this particular age bracket, when you back off, BACK OFF. Sit next to her in class, but eliminate your NSA deal. Act like she is only a friend, not a special friend. Do not respond to her texts right away either. 20 minute response times. This is a quick fix to find out what the deal is. It forces their head to pop up. When she pops her head up and starts making more appearances and trying to reel you back in, hesitate. You obviously want more but you gotta make sure its a good deal and not fun and games to her. When she asks why you are being so "distant" you tell her that you are giving her the space to figure stuff out. You should get points for that because if you don't that means that she isn't really into it. This is a weird stage because of your NSA setup. You can buy points here to force a good, solid relationship.

On the other hand, you could keep the NSA and ride it out until the end or the beginning. Up to you as to how fast you want the answers. But the ends will justify the means regardless.

[sythmod]

Not for nothing, I am usually very supportive if the situation has hope. However, in this particular age bracket, when you back off, BACK OFF. Sit next to her in class, but eliminate your NSA deal. Act like she is only a friend, not a special friend. Do not respond to her texts right away either. 20 minute response times. This is a quick fix to find out what the deal is. It forces their head to pop up. When she pops her head up and starts making more appearances and trying to reel you back in, hesitate. You obviously want more but you gotta make sure its a good deal and not fun and games to her. When she asks why you are being so "distant" you tell her that you are giving her the space to figure stuff out. You should get points for that because if you don't that means that she isn't really into it. This is a weird stage because of your NSA setup. You can buy points here to force a good, solid relationship.

On the other hand, you could keep the NSA and ride it out until the end or the beginning. Up to you as to how fast you want the answers. But the ends will justify the means regardless.

Wow Mr.Turtle, thoroughly answered. I still get amazed when some people on the internet actually behave and give some solid answers, really loving these forums.

Anyways, what does NSA mean? But I did understand pretty much everything of the other things you wrote, and you have a great point.. I could turn this to a good thing when I think of it.
What do you think would be the best? To just try to show my affection or actually really back off? It's just that I find it hard to really give her the feeling that I'm backing off when we have class twice a week together, and
we're in the same group project-group which means that we communicate all the time, and I joke a lot which means she laughs a lot of what I say and everything, should I try to change my attitude in class aswell? Not that I'm gonna be mean, just a bit.... less myself perhaps.

[Mr. Turtle]

NAS= No Strings Attached

To answer your question, in my opinion, I would go back to being a friend and not engaging in anything intimate. When is her birthday, by the way? If she is a Scorpio, YOU NEED TO FULL ON ENGAGE EMOTIONALLY! Thats what she wants, its how they operate and there is no rational way to explain it. GO ALL IN! If not, play it behind the scenes. Be normal, don't get intimate, just be a friend with NO BENEFITS. Hang out, but don't kiss or anything. Be distant emotionally and if she is is really into you, she will come back. If not, then you are already ahead of the bell curve in you recovery from the break-down. She laughs at funny things. Face value that. Don't think "if I'm funny she will want me." Not the right approach. Be funny because you are funny. Not because you want to score points. You gotta let it play out. My recommendation, back off but don't be mean.

Conversely, if you are really hard up on this girl, show the affection and trust your gut. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, TRUST YOUR IMMEDIATE GUT! If your intentions are legit and genuine, the universe will not forget about you, regardless of whether or not it works out with this girl, short term, long term or otherwise. Good luck boss.

[sythmod]

If she is a Scorpio, YOU NEED TO FULL ON ENGAGE EMOTIONALLY! Thats what she wants, its how they operate and there is no rational way to explain it. GO ALL IN!

We're both Taurus, I'm not sure if I believe in zodiac signs though, but does that mean anything?

Hang out, but don't kiss or anything.

I'm not gonna ask her to hang out with me, right? I'll just wait until she takes some kind of initiative?

And it seems like she thinks of me at least, yesterday she asked one of her best friends if she talks with me, and it seems like she doesn't like the fact that I talk more with her best friend than with her.. Is this a bad thing?

[bulrush]

Taureans also like to engage emotionally, that's how I am. And, there are often common trends with the different zodiac signs, but they are not complete predictors. It's more of like a road sign saying "Look for this here...".

[Mathias]

When is her birthday, by the way? If she is a Scorpio, YOU NEED TO FULL ON ENGAGE EMOTIONALLY! Thats what she wants, its how they operate

Oh dear God.

[sythmod]

Just a quick update here if anyone wants to know what happened;

She told me that she just wanted to be friends with me, and then I totally took on my guard and said that I think it's for the best because I didn't have any feelings (which was a lie, because I did), and I said that I would like to not be friends, because I rarely can handle that kinda stuff. So in an attempt to get rid of my feelings I went 100% cold on her just to get over her, which left her quite devestated.

A month later we talk and I find out that the reason she wanted to break things off was because she thought she had more feelings for me than I had for her, so we both thought the same. We talked about everything and we're still seeing eachother and everything is quite fine.

[Jason250]

many thanks

[James12]

Thanks for sharing.

[searock]

So now you're dating?

[sythmod]

So now you're dating?

Yeah, we're dating. Pretty much together