facing a horrible break up...I don't know how to move on

[legality]

My ex bf dumped me on thanksgiving ( also my parents anniversary, yes its tragedy!) in November over an EMAIL...we had a long distance relationship for 2 years and he cancelled his trip before dumping me and dumped me with the news that he has his flight cancelled and everything. I was devastated as hell because he chose to do it during my final exams and I could not stop crying. I did not even see it coming. It all took me by surprise.

I literally begged to him to get back together because we were going to be moving to one city in coming fall which was not that far away. It was worth waiting because long distance relationship especially in my case which was two countries away was really tough to handle. There were too many complications and the main point is that we began our relationship with the distance itself. We both jumped in with a big risk cz we really loved each other and it was worth it. So I was telling my bf that wait until we move in together in one city and it will all heal because distance does all the bad things to you and it is really tough to recover when youre hurt and you dont have your lover next to you to tell you it is ok and that he loves you. So my point of telling him to wait until fall and go on a little break to think over everything did not work out.

Instead I found out that he was taking advices for our relationship from his ex gf who lives in a different country than both of us ( also who cheated on him) I mean she has to be the last person to take advice from ! anyway they were in touch for like 2 months before he dumped me and I have a strong feeling that the horrible girl has given the advice to dump me etc. Hes now planning to visit her in her country and they both are besties now which is not comprehending for me. I dont know what makes him still attached to her even today, after finding out that she CHEATED ON HIM WITH 5 GUYS! why would you take advice from such person?

Later on I find out that my bf is already finding out hot girls and going on dates...and it hurt me a lot to see that. Funny part is that his parents still talk to me and ask me how i am doing etc..they are really nice folks and unfortunately their son is a jerk.

So..I used to talk to him post break up and when I found out that hes already into the dating game I stopped talking to him...Its been like a month now and he didn't even bother to wish me on my b'day. I think I am the hopeless one to be that optimistic enough to expect from him.

I am really sorry to write such a long story but I feel so frustrated right now because he never really spoke to me via skype or phone call where we could discuss what went wrong and I have so many questions which remain unanswered till date. Today he deleted me off his fb whereas he was the one who told me that he wont do it ever cz i am a nice girl ( fake post break up sympathy talks)

I really need some scolding or something because I am still trying to get over this jerk. My parents also think I am being totally ridiculous to hope to get back with such kinda guy who is so immature and stuff and who doesnt have balls to break up in person or something.

I could really use some advice here because every day is so depressing and all the good times haunt me, though I try to tell myself his bad points and the treatment he has been giving me post break up, I am still finding it very very difficult. I feel like when I move to his city, beat him up with a hockey stick or something for being such a coward.

Thanks again to read my long story. I am sure there are many more like me facing the same situation.

[bcgirl]

Be thankful that he broke up with you. You don't need that type of man in your life who gets back with his ex, talks to his ex, meets "hot girls" etc. etc.

I hope you have more self worth than that!

[legality]

Be thankful that he broke up with you. You don't need that type of man in your life who gets back with his ex, talks to his ex, meets "hot girls" etc. etc.

I hope you have more self worth than that!

I told myself the same thing...I am on no contact mode and today he deleted me from his fb...he still has all our pics together though...I really don't know why am I feeling bad over such a horrible kind of person who does all weird things in life....At this stage I am feeling like I wasted my 2 years and he never really loved me because seriously this guy goes about telling everyone that I was a psycho etc etc and I mentally abused him ( he just needs sympathy from everyone and when I tell the truth he calls it torturing cz he lives in a dreamy world that does not exist) Looking at those comments about me, I lost my confidence in myself and really started to think that I was really bad in the relationship but now that I am finding out all his secrets I am actually thanking god for saving me but I think I am still taking time to recover and accept because I really loved him despite of the distance we had for 2 years and I was totally into him on emotional level as well...I read books, tried all advices given by my friends but nothing seems to be working... :-(

he always claimed that he would never get back with the ex gf cz of the cheating part but he always said she is a nice friend to keep in touch with and I have no right to talk bad about her. I never understood this part of his explanation cz which man would even talk with a girl who cheated on him with numerous guys not just one....I feel like he is just a weirdo and has lost track of his life...who cares though..

[smackie9]

This is what you get with LDR's. They are very risky but you already knew that going in. He has moved on because that is his way to get over you, to remove himself from the hurt....yes he loved you, but he realized he can no longer handle the long distance so I can understand where he is coming from. The long distance made him very lonely, and he had physical needs like most guys do. Relationships can have an expiry date, that happens anywhere from 6 months to a year and a half. They call this the honeymoon period.....it's a passionate time, but it can fizzle out just as fast as it started. This didn't happen over night, like he just woke up one morning and thought he should end it, nor was it something that was cooked up by his ex. This was a very private and distressing dilemma he was going through and he went to the person who knew him best....his ex. He went to her to sort out what he was feeling. He was doing some soul searching, for if he wasn't he wouldn't have bothered seeking out advice and or comfort from her.



It's not very nice of him to say those things, but his reaction is to hide his hurt.....pathetic ya I know, but that is how some people handle situations like this. Now I don't condone this kind of behavior, he handled this very poorly and it's been tough on you for sure, but you mustn't dwell on it. You need to stop looking at his posts and communications....no more stalking, finding out what he is up to. Cutting out FB and all communications is a first great step to your recovery....you are doing good so far.

Like losing a loved one, losing a relationship is no different. You need to grieve your loss in order to heal. You can't force it to go away, it will gradually leave you in time, so stop forcing it. Talking to friends, family and posting on here should be of some help to release all those feelings. Keeping busy is key, to distract you from sitting idle, being alone with your thoughts. Be generous with your time to helping others, try volunteer work, or help your mom out with chores, etc. Go do something or go somewhere with friends where you have never been before...an adventure.

You didn't waste 2 years. Going through relationships teaches you very valuable life lessons. You live, learn, and you grow. Also it prepares you for marriage, so not all is lost from this experience. So as they say time heals all wounds and it's very true. As each day goes by you will start to think less and less of him. You will get through this and find happiness and new love once again. We all do.

[legality]

I needed to hear some honest lines which you just said! but can you explain to me why would he approach the ex gf who did no good to him? how can you connect to such horrible person that too to take some personal advice like this...I had objected in the past on him being friends with the ex gf and so he respected that and deleted her and then the day I broke up with him he added her officially on fb and stuff though later I found out that he was talking to her like 2 months before already...

well about keeping a tab on him is impossible now even if I want to because after a month of NC he deleted me from his fb and I am in a different country as of today so no chance to find his whereabouts or anything...which I think in a way is good for me...thankfully I am with my family during this whole thing so I feel lucky that I am not left alone...

I started getting angry after a while because I saw him calling me a psycho...it really got on to my nerves and that was the point where I actually started the accepting part and not keeping any hope because my self respect still exists....

some forums said NC works out in serious relationship if you are close enough but I got deleted from fb for doing it hahah so I am still finding out various ways to get over and move on...

I am taking up new exciting classes for the semester for fun to keep myself busy but every morning is just horrible to wake up to because I always used to have a message from him and now I dont get them so I just sort of get really depressed and think that maybe I am never gonna be happy ...I know its crazy to think and everything but really I am sure you will understand what i am talking...its one of those situations where you know its wrong but your mind still acts differently than the way you want it to ...

[smackie9]

Think about it.....he did you wrong but down the road would you still be his friend? That would be a possibility am I right? He still has an emotional connection with his ex no matter what she did.....some can look past it and forgive. Plus you don't really know what had happened between them, you only got his side of the story...and from what he posted about you, I bet money on it he embellished the truth about her too. So maybe she wasn't the horrible person he made her out to be.

What you are going through is adjustment. So maybe find something else to do when you get up like read an inspiring quote, or do a daily affirmation and tell yourself that you will succeed at everything you do. If you don't succeed, you accept that you did your best and will learn from it. You can also spoil yourself by buying fresh flowers or leave a nice piece a chocolate out for when you get home, etc. Changing your routine can help too. By doing little things for yourself can really add up : )

[legality]

yeah I think you're right...:-)

[Alphyn]

Be thankful that he broke up with you. You don't need that type of man in your life who gets back with his ex, talks to his ex, meets "hot girls" etc. etc.

I hope you have more self worth than that!

I feel the same way. I was in the exact same situation as you legality, but I'm the guy. I don't get why you lost your confidence though, you sound like a great girl (or woman?)! You were too good for him, you'll find someone eventually who's really good for you and treats you with respect. I know it's hard to think about it that way, since I'm like you now.

Getting over him is hard of course, you can't just expect to do that even though he's been a horrible boyfriend. Time heals all wounds. I'd just not chase him, or let him try to come back to you again. Just block him from whatever... MSN, Skype, Facebook. Trust me, it'll help a big deal.

Best of luck!