married and confused:( :(

[isbell76]

oldest is 9 soon be 10 youngest just turned 7 both girls that love their mom to death

[Wakeup]

I think you should consider Family Counceling as well. No matter how it ends up, the kids likely are going to need someone to talk to about everything thus far.

[isbell76]

I know if the end is for us then yes I will make sure the kids get some counceling. I do not want them to be hurt, that is my worst fear! My kids are my world! I would do anything for them! I just spent the day fixing thier drawers under thier beds insted of getting work done for my business!

[isbell76]

right now the kids dont appear to know what is going on. our fights have been before they get home from school, and I can be one good actor when needed! my wife has broke down and cried infront of them when I was not home but they dont know why, and even asked me why she was crying. they do know about their moms mental disorder and have delt with it in the past.

[IndiReloaded]

our counceling is to start Jan 16th. and yes I kind of have a feeling that our counceling is going to lead to the end for the two of us. The last fight we had I was so cold about it and had no feeling or emotion in it. I know that is not good!

Two points:

- you'll get out of counselling what you put in (no different from your business)
- your coldness is just a defense mechanism that allows you to function in a dysfunctional situation. It has no bearing on what happens in the future. Refer to point one.

Good luck.

[Wakeup]

they do know about their moms mental disorder and have delt with it in the past.

They've "delt" with it? How, like you have? Don't discount the fact that your wife's behaviour has NOT affected them.

Anyway, good luck with your sessions I hope you both learn and unlearn alike.

[isbell76]

I am sure it has and I have even told her that her behavior is affecting the girls in a nevitive way!

[bcgirl]

your kids at at their prime age where they absorb the most in their surroundings and environment that helps them build the minds and character for adulthood. It's their most emotionally vulnerable times.

[isbell76]

well the wife and I have sort of made up for now. I had not slep in our bed since last wed night. She as almost been beging me to say that I love her and I wont, and still have not. right now I can not say that I do. I told her that I can not be her parent and that it feels like have been. She said she understands where I am coming from, but I dont know if she truly does. I also told her that it seem like after we do fight she tries real hard cause she knows I am upset with her which is not right and that it seems as if we have been having more and more fights latley, she did agree. Hopefully the councling will help with every thing. Untill then this fourm and thread has been a great place for me to unload my thoughts and fears. All the information that has been given has been great and gives me plenty to think about.

[MaidenMinx]

It's sad that you can't say you love her, but I don't believe you should say it if you don't feel it.

I really hope for the pair of you that she can pull her socks up and get her crap together and that you can grow to love her again.

Has she been pulling her weight and doing rather than trying?

[bcgirl]

Hopefully the councling will help with every thing.

it won't help with everything. It's not a cure to all. But I do hope that it helps somewhat. Be careful though...there are lots of really bad coucellors out there. I would suggest psychologists who specialize in marriages with a good reputation. You can google them on the internet for a good psychologist in your area.

[isbell76]

I know it wont fix everything. and yes the theripist is a good one, I do trust her, it is the same one we have seen before for other reasons.

[isbell76]

Ok here is the latest! wife and I had our theripy ( counceling) all went well, My wife has done a 180 and does see where I am coming from and does understand. We have been doing a lot of talking and I have been able to talk with her about EVERYTHING even about my friend. I have not spoke, emailed, text or even pmd my friend since last week when she blew me off for a drink. My wife has been telling me to talk with my friend! Out of the blue my friend sent me a text saying she was sorry. My wife is all good with it and we will be in the area that she lives in a week to pick me up a motorcycle! so all is going good for now, and hopefully keeps getting better!

[bcgirl]

glad to hear things are looking up. keep on keepin us posted!

[Wakeup]

Communication saves the day! Good job, Isbell. Keep up the good work. :o)