hi everyone,
thanks for reading- i really need some advice right now. basically, the situation is this: my bf and i have been together for 5 years. all of this time we have lived in the same city, but not together. right now we are temporarily long distance, as i am doing a contract job in another city, but it is only for a 3-4 month term, after which i will move back to the original city. the plan was for us to live together after i get back to the original city. i don't like it there in that city and don't see myself living there in the future, and as my employment situation is somewhat up in the air, i was planning to use the summer to try to find permanent work in an area of the country that i love and have been dreaming of moving to. he knows about this, as i have said many times that i want to get out of the city we're living in, i want to look for work elsewhere, what does he think about it, etc. he has seemed on board with this, but at the same time he is extremely reluctant to leave. he moved here from latin america about 8 years ago and is very attached to his community in our city (in fact, he was supposed to already be living in the apartment that i was living in before and that we were/are going to live in together when i get back, but he instead is staying in a tiny room with friends in his original neighborhood). also, his mother and younger brother have been living in his country of birth, and they are now in the process of coming to the u.s. i'm happy for him that they are coming, but this means that he wants everyone to stay in the original city, live near each other, etc. i feel like his dream is for us to settle down around there, live really near/with his family, and start our own family. while i do really like them (have met them several times when traveling to his country), the culture is different there, and i would not feel comfortable living with them or spending all time with them. also, i don't want to give up my dreams and everything that i want to please him and his family. i would really resent him if this happened. i have nothing against them and get along well with them, but i do not want to live with them or spend all my time with them, and i feel like he wants to squeeze me into his vision of the future without taking into account what i want- and i know he feels the same way about me, that i am trying to squeeze him.
is there any way to reconcile this situation? the thought of staying in the same place, spending so much time with his family, and never leaving makes me feel really trapped. we got into a horrible fight about this last night and i don't know what to do. if i were single, i would move with basically no hesitation, but i love him and i want to make this work.