Yes. I was real shy in high school. I got a bit better in college, and I dated a bit. Now I'm older and I'm very confident. Some people are late bloomers. But you do have to change yourself and your habits. You have to take a risk, and ask someone out. You can't get sex without a girlfriend.
Do you have "nice guy syndrome"? I did. What a big mistake. I think girls interpret "nice guy syndrome" as poor self-esteem. Whatever it is, a girl gets tired of a guy being overly nice, or apologizing for minor things constantly. Wouldn't that irritate you?
Here's what I do:
- Get to know a girl. I date online. First we send messages via the dating website a few times, then we talk a few times on the phone. Often we talk for 1-2 hrs at a time if we really click.
- If I think things will work out (and this takes practice to interpret their subtle reactions), I tell them to go on a date with me. I'd say "Great. Let's go out on a date. I'll pick you up at 7pm Friday. We'll go to a Chinese restaurant. You like Chinese?" Did you notice I didn't ask? If she can't make it, she will tell me.
- Before you assume things about me, I don't pick the insecure little waifs. I pick very confident women. Also notice that the "asking out" portion is the only thing I didn't ask.
- Basically I'm assertive, and that shows confidence that she will say "yes".
- At the restaurant I let her order first. I don't make suggestions. She is big enough to find what she wants. Unless she asks for a suggestion of a good dish.
- I'm nice, but not overly attentive. We have pleasnant conversation, and I don't often hold hands on a first date unless we really click. If she holds my hand, I accept that.
- After the date I send her an email saying it was nice to meet her, I had a nice time, maybe add some details of what I liked best. I DO NOT ask her out for another 2 days, unless it is close to the weekend where she is available and I want to see her again.
I've seen both sides of the issue. So drop the "nice guy syndrome" and you should do better. Try not to care if you get another date or not. Don't think about another date until the current one is over.
Last edited by bulrush; 18-01-12 at 01:20 AM.
I have a long time interest in psychology, specializing in relationship dynamics for 30 years.
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