Cancer

[MaidenMinx]

My favourite brother has lung cancer. He has spiderwebs of tumors in both lungs. He is coughing up blood.

He hasn't yet decided if he will undergo chemo. I haven't asked any questions of him yet. He only told me yesterday and I am not to tell anyone. I don't think you guys count due to the anonymity and I can't keep this all bottled up.

He is only 24. He is in good physical shape. He has always been fit. He's a very active guy and a bit of an adrenaline junkie. I can't imagine him being taken by cancer but the survival rates for lung cancer aren't good.

I can't stop my eyes from welling up with tears. I'm not sobbing per se but my eyes keep leaking. I can't imagine the world without him.

[Wakeup]

Don't let yourself look too far into the future, Minx. This like everything else in life you have to take one day at a time so you don't become overwhelmed and just give up. That goes for both of you, your brother particularily.

Do you best not to do anything else but think positively. You don't have knowledge of treatment options yet nor do you know his prognosis so hang in there and work this one day at a time.

Hugzz to you both.

[smackie9]

Take it day by day. If possible seek out counseling at the cancer clinic. They will help you cope, they should be able to provide you with important information on what to expect and what options are there for your brother. When faced with such a crisis, the patient by no means can think straight, so being armed with all the info you can research, you can take some of the burden off him, and help him through his fight.

I went through the same thing with my father and I know how difficult it is....I'm so sorry for the news. Just remember cancer can be beaten.

[IndiReloaded]

Ah crap Minx. I am so sorry. Life is a goddamned BITCH isn't it?

[MaidenMinx]

Thanks guys.

I'm a lot less weepy than I was this morning. I think a contributing factor to my current doom and gloom attitude to it are left over feelings from when my grandfather was taken by lung cancer.

It's also hard knowing I'm the person in the family that he has told.

And thanks, Smackie for reminding me that he won't be in position to make clear decisions for himself. He doesn't know whether or not he wants to fight it. Scary huh? It's so scary to see my strong, confident outgoing brother be so indecisive.

When he gets home (he's staying with us for a while) I'm going to ask him what he actually knows so far. When he told me I had no questions, I was stunned. He told me that he has spider webs of tumors, the blood tests say cancer and I can never remember if benign or malignant is the bad word you don't want to hear but which ever it is, that's what he has.

[asdfg789]

Sorry to hear that MM. My sister was taken by cancer some years ago.
I know it sucks.

[vashti]

I'm sorry to hear this. I would be devastated if this were one of my sisters. I'm a little surprised he wants to keep it a secret.... are you sure it wouldn't be helpful for the rest of the family to know? You might want to think about how long you are willing to keep it to yourself, unless you feel that it would be harmful to him in some way for the rest of the family to know.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm a little surprised he wants to keep it a secret.... are you sure it wouldn't be helpful for the rest of the family to know? You might want to think about how long you are willing to keep it to yourself, unless you feel that it would be harmful to him in some way for the rest of the family to know.

Actually, I can relate to his secrecy. Everyone is different in how they deal with these things. One of my relatives had an inoperable brain tumour. She kept it to herself (she was seeing a medico) until she basically collapsed. We were shocked, but I understood completely her decision.

If I had known, I certainly would not have taken it upon myself to choose to share her condition with others. Its your brother's decision, Minx. He's an adult. Assuming he's thought it through, you need to respect it, IMO.

[vashti]

I guess because he is so young, the fact that he is even *considering* not pursuing aggressive treatment (at least initially) makes me wonder if he isn't thinking clearly.

[Lipp]

I guess because he is so young, the fact that he is even *considering* not pursuing aggressive treatment (at least initially) makes me wonder if he isn't thinking clearly.

This.

Better not take his chances from low to miniscule just to keep it from others.

[MaidenMinx]

I understand him wanting to keep it to himself. Our mum is an obsessive worry wart and a bit of a drama queen. He doesn't want to be keeping her up at night or having her use this as an excuse to freak out.

We discussed it again last night and it seems I got a couple of things wrong. First the spider webs ar in the bottom half of the left lung and in the bottom half of his right lung is a black cloud they think is first stage emphasema (sp?). He doesn't yet know if the tumours are benign, they need to do a biopsy. If he has the biopsy without chemo he has a 40% survival rate, with chemo 96%.

I think he told me because I'm the most level headed family member. I've dealt with a very sick baby, and my husband has cyclic vomiting syndrome (we think) so I can cope fairly well with medical stuff.as long as there is hope. Now that I have a better idea of the situation, I'm a lot calmer and hoping the worst case scenario is him losing half a lung. We have big lungs as it is, so that doesn't scare me so much. Just as long as I don't think of words like staging and relapse, I'm fine.

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I imagine I'll be coming back to this thread often to vent over the coming weeks. Cancer is such a scary word and right now I find it almost ironic that it's my star sign.

[MaidenMinx]

I guess because he is so young, the fact that he is even *considering* not pursuing aggressive treatment (at least initially) makes me wonder if he isn't thinking clearly.

That was just him being scared, I think. After our talk last night he knows I'm not going to stand idly by and watch him do nothing. I'm not going to fly into a panic in front of him, I'm in his corner pushing him to do all it takes. He's not done living. He's just freaked right out.

[MaidenMinx]

Another weepy morning. I'm not coping with this very well at all. I don't know what to do. Apparently I'm not supposed to do anything.

Yesterday my brother came home from work and collapsed at the top of the stairs in a coughing fit. He didn't stop coughing for about an hour. He's been collapsing at work which is extremely dangerous because he's a steel fixer. He's fallen down stairs and down slopes with steel bars on his shoulder. He is still smoking and he has found that smoking pot helps his coughing fits. Not great when I am trying to stay on the wagon.

He still hasn't decided whether or not he is going for treatment. He is very scared. He is also extremely bored of life and can't find a reason to fight.

He wants to go to the other side of the country for work and apparently there are better treatment options over there. I'm scared that once he is away from family he'll just give up. On the other hand I kind of want him to go because I don't want to watch him die. I never thought anything like this would ever happen to him. I have always figured he would miscalculate a base jump or go out surfing too drunk, but not like this.

I can't talk to him any more about it. He sees me worry and he snaps at me that this isn't why he told me. Hubby and I are still the only people in the family that know. I don't know what he expected of me. I don't know what he expects of me now, except to keep my mouth shut. I don't know if I can keep doing that. I know mum is starting to worry about him.

I just wish I knew something... Actually, strike that, I wish I knew nothing...

[vashti]

It is true that it is his secret to tell, but I have to tell you that I would be beyond furious if one of my kids knew something of this magnitude and didn't tell me. Also, it's not fair that he burdened you (alone) with this knowledge. If he didn't want your family to know, he shouldn't have told you.

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds like he needs someone to tell him what to do. Vash is right, he has burdened you. On the other hand, his burden is much worse.

But, when I gave my example, my relative didn't tell *anyone*. Vash has a point. Maybe you should consider telling your parents. They are the ones you will have to face when he is gone, afterall.