Does she like me or am I about to be friend zoned?

[Golfer]

Hi there,

I have a 'date' next week with a co-worker who I've had a massive crush on for about two years. Basically I'm just wanting some advice, especially from women, about how to read the signals she sends me and what she has said. Some background, we work at the same company but in different departments so I only ever really see her in passing. I first noticed her when I started here about two years ago, we locked eyes across the room as she walked past. Since then there's always been extended eye contact and smiles whenever we see each other. She singles me out of the dozens of other people in the office for a smile and a wave despite not really knowing me that well. I was in a relationship at the time but I still made an effort to meet her and deliberately run into her at the coffee machine (this is all of 1 - 2 yrs ago).. We exchanged names and smalltalk and from then on would always say hi/bye or wave at each other when we crossed paths. She's possibly the most beautiful human I have ever seen and I am not easily intimidated by a girl, but as time progressed I found myself starting to like her a lot to the point of fluttery stomach and brain freeze whenever I ran into her. I was never in a position to ask her out though, as I was attached for four years until about six months ago.

I am not easily intimidated by girls, but with her it's different. When she talks to me I blush and stutter and can't think of anything to say. A few times when I've spoken to her she has seemed to get quite flustered as well. One time I was making a coffee and she jumped up to sit on the bench beside me and I got such a shock I spilled coffee everywhere. Sometimes when she walks past she scrunches up her face and sticks her tongue out at me. Other guys in the office have asked her out in the past only to be rejected or ignored so the thought of doing it was quite daunting for me. After a few months of getting over my ex I asked a mutual friend (of hers and mine) if she was seeing anyone. He told me he thought she was but wasn't sure if it was serious or not, so I let it go and didn't say anything.

This next part sucks.. I found out through facebook stalking that she was planning a move to a different city and some travel (as am I but not for a few months yet). I figured maybe nothing long-term can come of it in the immediate future but this was my last chance to actually get to know her and build some kind of repore. Since we now work opposite days at work and never run into each other I tracked her down on facebook through mutual friends and sent her a message. I basically asked if I could buy her a drink to compensate for asking her out over facebook. I also said 'I heard you might be seeing someone so I understand if not'. She replied the next day saying she was seeing someone but they moved away so 'it's complicated I guess'. But that a friendly drink would not hurt and she suggested going out next week. I said that was perfect and sent her my number to get in touch when she gets back into town after the weekend.

So that's where it's at.. I'm just waiting for her to contact me and I'm wondering how I should approach the situation when I go out with her. I'm also wondering if she just wants to be friends since she dropped the word friendly, then again perhaps she is just being honest and is in a complicated situation and doesn't really know whether she's available or not. I was clearly asking her on a date though, so if she is attached surely she would have just politely declined. She seemed happy to hear from me though, so I guess that is positive. I also wondered if by saying 'friendly' it gives her an easy out if she decides she's just not interested after going out with me.

Ladies and gents, what are your thoughts? Is she potentially interested? Or am I about to be friend-zoned? I'm sure i'll have a clearer picture of her thought process after seeing her but I am after some advice on how to approach the eve I'll be spending with her.

Thanks for reading!

[smackie9]

You have known each other for two years and not once you ever hinted that you are interested or asked her out. She is thinking this is a friendly co-worker thing since she is moving away. I doubt she is looking at this as a date. If you asked out for dinner and a movie, then ya that looks like a date. So what she was seeing someone....I'm married and I still go for a beer and lunch with my male co-workers. I guess during your cocktails you will have to just casually ask her about her life, etc.....then take it from there.

[bulrush]

I also said 'I heard you might be seeing someone so I understand if not'. She replied the next day saying she was seeing someone but they moved away so 'it's complicated I guess'. But that a friendly drink would not hurt and she suggested going out next week.

I'm a guy. I think she would be open to a date, but she said "it's complicated I guess" because she wants you to know it may not go far, it might just be about sex, or getting to know you. Or, if you are a better match for her (you ARE closer than her bf who moved away) then she might consider more with you, but she just doesn't want to get your hopes up and then hurt you. She may also be undecided on if she wants to continue with her present bf being far away. But most girls will be ok at switching to a person who is a better match, as a better match generally means a longer relationship.

However, she said yes to a drink. Go on the date, get to know her.

She might also be in an open relationship, and is hesitant to explain that. That means you have to bring it up and tell her if it's ok for you to be in that situation.

[smackie9]

Yup That's what dating is all about...getting to know one another. You can never always tell what direction things will go....so stop worrying about it.

[Cerby]

Your post was sad in the way that it just appeared to be complaining about why it might not work out. Smackie is right, you've never made a real effort to date her.

The only person responsible being put in the friendzone is the guy who lets himself be put there.

[smackie9]

Your post was sad in the way that it just appeared to be complaining about why it might not work out. Smackie is right, you've never made a real effort to date her.

The only person responsible being put in the friendzone is the guy who lets himself be put there.

Yup those are some tough words, but it's all true.