broken love/friendship

[isbell76]

ok for some of you may have seen my other post about my wife and a friend that I have feelings for. My wife and I have had some major fights lately and my friend has been there for me chat with. My wife and I have been working on things and talking it all out. I think my friend has or is going through something in her relationship yet has not talked with me about it and has become distant. Her sister also just had a baby which I do understand family first! She lives 2hrs away and I was down that way the other evening and my wife knew I was going to see her. Now I was down there to pick up a Wii for the kids (found a good deal on craigslist). This gal has said she was going to see her new nefew for the a while so I had asked her if she wanted to get a drink and talk when she was done and I would wait untill she was. All she would say was that she would let me know. After I had picked up the Wii I had still not recived any word from her so I sent her a message knowing she was still with her sister and new nefew and just asking if she wanted to or not and her only reply was that she was with her nefew, there was not a definate yes or no. I remained and keep waiting for awhile longer. We ended up in a text argument since she did not want to meet and talk. I left and have not talked with her since, no text, email or pms. I do not plan to either untill she says that she is sorry. I feel that she could have at least said no on the drink when I plain asked her more than once. Am I out of line for just wanting a straight answer? Why was she not honest with me? Yes she did know how I feel about her. So does my wife. I hate to lose a freind, and she used to be one that I could talk with any thing bout feely and openly. there now feels like I have a void in my heart for her. How does one fix this kind of hurt? She is one that easily see myself being with if my wife was no longer around. Yes my wife knows all of this and has been realy supporting me over this. Just realy sad to have thought so highly of this "friend", romantic feelings or not, for her to not even just plain say she couldnt or didnt have time. I would have understood! but not knowing is a worse feeling than being rejected! :'(

[dem862]

Maybe she realized you are both taken and doesn't want to be responsible for breaking up your other relationship or hers.

[isbell76]

but why not say no and but left me hangin??? that is the worst feeling

[isbell76]

hints are for people that like to play games! if you dont have the balls to tell some one what you think then why even say that you are someones friend in the first place! wakeup "I will not enable you by telling you what you want to hear!" that is your tag line! so take it to heart and think about it if some ones says that they are your friend then they will tell you the truth no matter what! Yes I did like to talk with this gal, but if there was never anything more than that I could deal with it, for we have been friends since grade school and she knew that she could be very honest with me about anything!

[MaidenMinx]

You made it awkward for her by bringing in feelings that don't belong in a friendship, hence wanting to make you dislike her.

When did you tell your wife you have feelings for this other woman?

How have things been with your wife lately?

[Wakeup]

hints are for people that like to play games!

Yes, didn't you say that she's already told you that she doesn't think that you two should keep this up? That's why she's trying to tell you by not agreeing to meet with you now. At least that's my guess and you should lay back and if she wants to meet with you for a drink then let her make that invitation because right now it looks like you're impossing yourself on her.

if you dont have the balls to tell some one what you think then why even say that you are someones friend in the first place! wakeup

Because she's already told you what she feels (from what I can remember) and you're not taking that direct hint. It's like handling a stalker whom you tell that not to contact you anymore or an ex that won't accept that you don't want to be with them and then continue to keep 'trying to win you back'. She told you she had other plans and you didn't say "Oh okay maybe next time I'm in town then." Instead you said you'd wait for her which obviously she did not want you to do.

I will not enable you by telling you what you want to hear!" that is your tag line! so take it to heart and think about it if some ones says that they are your friend then they will tell you the truth no matter what! Yes I did like to talk with this gal, but if there was never anything more than that I could deal with it, for we have been friends since grade school and she knew that she could be very honest with me about anything!

I don't have to do any kind of taking things to heart.. it's you that has to accept that she didn't want to be with you that night but you kept on insisting. Perhaps she's not got enough confidence to tell you she didn't want to spend any time with you. If she did, tell you outright that she didn't want to meet with you then I can only imagine what this thread would be about.

Quit trying to impose yourself in her life. If she wants you in her life, to do meet ups for drinks or any other thing then she will call you and invite you. Particularily should you not impose again because she gave you the run-around last time.

Your thread title is "Broken love/friendship" So, you have taken the "hint" you are just fighting that knowledge.

[isbell76]

I told my wife shortly after my wife pointed out to me that I still had feelings for this other gal. Yes my wife could see the feelings that I had for this other gal. I tried to talk with my wife about it and she wouldnt so I ended up talking with this other gal about it and of course the feelings grew.

my wife and I have been talking alot lately about everything! My wife has been very supportive with this latest heart ach! She is working on herself realy hard lately. And seems to be wanting to better her self which is helping the two of us very much.

[isbell76]

may be I am fighting it but the friendship IS more important to me than anything else!

[MaidenMinx]

Interesting. You know I had thought previously that your wife was a slacker and not prepared to put in the effort and now I wonder if she gave up because you checked out of the relationship?

Stop worrying about your friend and focus on your wife. She is an amazing woman if she can cope with you being attracted to someone else and still be prepared to put effort in to your marriage, on top of her depression etc. You chose to be with a depressed woman, now man up and return the effort she is putting in.

[isbell76]

maiden, I have started doing just that, and I belive that alot of my attractions were because my wife had given up on herself for some time, and yes the major fight we had sucked, I think it did open her eyes to see herself. and my wife keeps telling me to not worrie about my friend and that all will work out, I am sure that it will, it is just it sucks right now. and I have thanked my wife for not giving up on me. at one time in our relationship, she gave up and I didnt so we are being there for each other. MY WIFE REALY IS MY BEST FRIEND! and deep down I know that. may be I am just going through a midlife deal.

also I do appoigise if I sound as if I am argueing, I do not want to start anything with anyone, just trying to vent this all out! thank you all for putting up with me! I know I am a mess right now and just dont know how to deal with it.

[Wakeup]

may be I am fighting it but the friendship IS more important to me than anything else!

Apparently she has other priorities. I may be off base here but don't you think that your wife and your family should be your first priority?

I'll leave you with something to mentally chew on: Your "friend" isn't showing you the same priority? Let her alone and work to re-connect that much emotional investment back in your wife and then your kids. You're sabotaging your happiness with them by being so invested in someone other then them.

[isbell76]

wakeup: that is my goal now, to reconnect with them first and this weekend has been so much family fun, dont know how or why a video game could bring us all so much closer but this wii has! then with my wife and I doing alot of talking with each other it has been realy nice!

[isbell76]

I ment the friendship over any romantic feelings

[Wakeup]

wakeup: that is my goal now, to reconnect with them first and this weekend has been so much family fun, dont know how or why a video game could bring us all so much closer but this wii has! then with my wife and I doing alot of talking with each other it has been realy nice!

Nice to hear. :o)

[smackie9]

This sort of thing happens to many marriages...the couple forgets how to be a couple. You get busy with responsibilities, working, taking care of the kids, paying bills etc there doesn't seem any time to have any one on one quality time....that emotional connection gets lost. You both are learning quickly how important communication is and that so much has been invested in this marriage, it's way too valuable to just toss it away because you had transferred your feelings to someone else.This friend listened and supported you, that's what made you so attracted to her. Well that is what your wife is for...she is the one you should be looking to for support, she should be your best friend. Your wife is an amazing women to be able to admit her fault in this, to stand by you and work through this.....I hope you can see how lucky you really are.