Parents against staying over at girlfriend's

[Alex1234]

Hello All,

I am running into a bit of a problem. I have been in a relationship with a girl for about 8 months and we both love each other very much. She lives 40 minutes away from me and I usually go see her once a week. I end up driving back roads in the dark and getting home at 11pm. I don't like this because I tend to get very drowsy behind the wheel. Not to mention the chance of hitting deer in the road. We both would like it if I stayed the night and drove home in the morning/afternoon. We are both adults. Me 18 and her almost 19. We both live at home and our parents support us. Her parents are completely fine if I spend the night and are actually more comfortable with the idea since I'm not driving in the dark. My parents, however, feel I should not stay the night. My mom seems to be fine with it but doesn't want to go against my dad's feelings.

He feels that if I spend the night at her house. We will have sex, regardless of if her parents are there or not. Which we won't. Mom seems to not care at all and always says, "be careful, use protection" when I go over. She actually gave me some leash when I became a legal adult. I am sexually active and have been for about a month, which they are not aware of. I always wear a condom and she is on the birth control shot because we are both terrified of having children.

Regardless of this, I do feel safer spending the night. When I try to sit my parents down to have an adult conversation about it, my mom always sides with my dad and my dad avoids the subject at all costs. When I finally got him to talk about it he said no because we will have sex and that I have worked too hard to screw it up for some girl. My life has been non stop school and I already have my associates degree. I feel I am a responsible adult who can make his own decisions, he thinks differently. There is not much I can do because he pays for the car, gas, school, and well housing and food. Any advise?

Thanks.

[surfhb]

Youre not an adult since you dont pay your own way in life.....Age as nothing to do with being responsible. 40 mins is not that far away. I drive 1 hour and a half at 3am everyday from work. I say suck it up and get home.....its a matter of respect for the ones who keep your ass alive. Make sense? Time to be a Man now and this is the perfect example to show your parent you are one.

[tmc92ic]

I think it makes sense to stay at her house for the night aswell; however, don't ever cross your parents. You can try to talk to your dad and try to address his concerns. If he says no, then it's a no and end of discussion.

[Bonfire]

I'm surprised it's your dad that is against it. He must of forgotten what it was like to be 18. I guess one way is to be on your own. I moved out when I was 18, went to college and got an apartment with some mates. If I didn't go to college, I would have gotten a job instead. Once you start paying your own way, your parents will not have much to say. Consider this your motivation to transition to adulthood.

[dem862]

Just do it. It is better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Anyway, if your dad kicks you out, they will probably take you in and you can live with her full time. Your dad sounds like an asshole.

[vashti]

Take a nap before you go visit her, and do as your parents say. It's a small price to pay in exchange for your housing/food/education/clothes/car. Trust me when I say that you cannot afford the lifestyle you have now without your parent's help.

[surfhb]

It's funny to see the difference of opinions from the older to younger posters in this thread

[smackie9]

LOL! Driving in the dark....what are ya 80 years old? That's why cars are equipped with headlights. Who do you think you are talking to? your parents? We all know your real motivation is here....you have the opportunity to sleep with her, and you are trying to butter it up with bs. Seeing right through it and so is your dad. (Shouldn't be driving in the dark lol....good one). Nice try fry guy!

[smackie9]

Tip: get a job and move out.....then you can do anything you want.

When I first started dating my husband we both lived at home too......we just hotel-ed it.

[Alex1234]

LOL! Driving in the dark....what are ya 80 years old? That's why cars are equipped with headlights. Who do you think you are talking to? your parents? We all know your real motivation is here....you have the opportunity to sleep with her, and you are trying to butter it up with bs. Seeing right through it and so is your dad. (Shouldn't be driving in the dark lol....good one). Nice try fry guy!

First off, the attitude is not needed.

Second, my motivation is not to sleep with her. We are already doing that and wouldn't be doing it with her parents there.

I am saying that I feel that I am very responsible and have never been in any trouble. No drugs and I don't drink. Why should 11 year olds be able to have sleep overs but I can't?

[bulrush]

Youre not an adult since you dont pay your own way in life.....Age as nothing to do with being responsible.

Ditto. Being the "age of majority" is a legal construct, and has nothing to do with maturity, because maturity is an individual thing. If you aren't paying the bills, you aren't responsible. If you live with your parents, you follow their rules.

You live a soft, soft life if your parents pay for all that. When I finished college, I lived with my dad for 8 months and I paid rent. I paid for all car expenses, and any work expenses (suits, briefcases, lunches, etc.)

If you want your parents off your back, pay them $500 per month in rent. PROVE you are responsible.

p.s. I'm a parent.

pps. Please tell me your degree does not have the words "English" or "history" in it.

[tehwarlock]

Tell your dad his fears are pretty pointless now since you've slept with a bunch of girls already. If he reacts too bad, claim you were only joking. It may not be right for you to disregard their wishes considering the support they've given you, but there's nothing wrong with toying a little with his emotions for trying to prevent you from having sex.
I was in a similar situation, I lied and they didn't find out. I don't encourage it, but it was totally worth it for me. Sure, sort of being my first time made quite a difference in motivation.

[surfhb]

Tell your dad his fears are pretty pointless now since you've slept with a bunch of girls already. If he reacts too bad, claim you were only joking. It may not be right for you to disregard their wishes considering the support they've given you, but there's nothing wrong with toying a little with his emotions for trying to prevent you from having sex.
I was in a similar situation, I lied and they didn't find out. I don't encourage it, but it was totally worth it for me. Sure, sort of being my first time made quite a difference in motivation.

Obviously his DAd knows he's not preventing sex. Lol

The point is his Dad pays the bills and has a say where he wants his son to sleep....PERIOD!

First of all I think you should be bangin a diffrent girl every semester and getting As in school but whatever

Just be home like he says and cut out the drama.....you have plenty of time in the future to stay at your girlfriends house overnight when you you are paying the bills..... Then you will be complaining that you wish you still lived at home. Ha ha!!!!

[Boisdevie]

I regularly ride 90 minutes in the dark in winter on a motorbike to see my girlfriend - and I'm 48. Stop being a pussy.

[LdFilip]

haha...i envy you your problems,really...well,you should talk a bit with your parents i suggest,seems that your father doesnt trust you as your mom does...

But your problem is,that youre not a kid anymore and youre not an adult either...when i was at your age,i just said to my parents what im gonna do and did it,no meaningles talking about it or so,cos they knew that im trustworthy.Maybe you should try it too...