has he changed his mind about me after one argument?

[Cher]

So I broke up with my ex boyfriend who I stopped loving months ago for someone else, someone that i work with. That guy had someone else too and he broke up with her for me too. So we had been going out for a fair few times but everything was just so right between us that eventually he asked me to be his girlfriend. We are both good looking but he is one of those people who is always happy and smiley and friendly and many girls are always around him, however they are just friends to him. I've been introduced to his family, i always go around, his Mum always cooks me meals and i even got a present off them for this Christmas. Sometimes in work he comes across a little bit clingy, he used to follow me around sometimes and came over to say bye in the end of the night if i was still working, always tried to kiss me when we were still in the building although he knew I didn't like this whole public love thing. It was cute though. Anyway, everything was just going right until I had these two silly arguments with him..both similar, one why the girl he gets along with always gives me dirty looks and second argument was when i seen him text her, that's when I flipped for some reason and asked why he had been texting her. He was going out that night and I asked him whether she was going too! I came across quite nasty I suppose, since the tone of my voice was horrible and I just sounded so jealous, also i told him to be careful with the girls. He just laughed and went quiet, when I asked him why, he said he doesn't understand why I keep mentioning this one girl and why am i being so protective because he trusts me and he would never say things like that to me. So we had that argument and for the next few days he seemed quite off with me, short texts, not texting me in the mornings etc etc. So couple of days later he invited me to a night out with his mates, and later we stayed in mine for the night. I had to open the conversation again and i asked him why he had been so ignorant. He explained that he didn't like me coming across so intense as if we had been in a long term relationship. He said he wants to be with me and he wants things happening in the future but he doesn't want to rush or force anything, because of what happened to his previous relationship and that his ex used to be very intense and jealous too and that ruined what they had. He said that was what drew him to me, the fact that I was so chilled and we both had fun without any arguments or anything. Now i keep thinking i've ruined it all and he just sees me as a copy of his jealous ex. Now he doesn't want this relationship anymore?!

[bulrush]

It sounds like he wants to see you, but he's backing off a bit on the intensity, and he clearly told you why: he doesn't want to rush things or get too intense too fast. I don't blame him for being concerned about your jealousy. Jealousy kills almost all relationships.

So yes, if you overreact, and get jealous, that's a bad sign. But if he keeps texting a girl, AND hides the texts from you, that's also a bad sign from him. Ask him to show you the texts he sent to this girl, to help you feel better about it. See if he tries to hide anything from you.

[Cher]

Thanks for your advice. I don't think he was ever hiding them, but i never dared to look straight away when he was typing back, or also when he was facing me and texting someone, i wouldn't know right..i just hope he won't loose his feeling for me.

[bulrush]

i just hope he won't loose his feeling for me.

Are you saying he has "loving" or "liking" feelings for you? How do you know this? How does he show it?

I'm glad you recognize you have jealousy issues, and that it's not good for the relationship. You're doing good. There's a fine line between being jealous, and being watchful.

[smackie9]

If you have to be mindful of what he does, you shouldn't be with him, for it's only going to get worse. He is the type that is friendly with other women, maybe even flirty because he likes the attention....that is just who he is. You on the other hand, like most women, have a hard time dealing with someone with that type of personality. It's just a case of relationship expectations....you wish to have a BF that acts accordingly, and not out dancing with the ladies from the office. This won't work no matter how hard you try, because down the road when you fall hard in love with him, you will not be able to tolerate him giving these other women attention .....attention you feel should be only focused on you. Find yourself another guy. Tip: never ever date someone you work with. Things are already getting weak with you two, so this will interfere with the workplace. All those other women will be gossiping about you if they already haven't....when things fall apart you still have to see him at work everyday....and possibly him dating the one that was giving you dirty looks.....best of luck.