The problem I think he has, and you have, and I had also, is WHEN is it appropriate to take out the garbage. My ex and I disagreed on when to take out the garbage. She took it out every other day, I smashed the contents down and only took it out when it smelled bad, or when I couldn't smash it down anymore. We had some pretty big arguments about this, indicating her pettiness and her inflexibility. Her inflexibility permeated our relationship and was one of several reasons for our divorce.
Rule #1: If you don't like the way he does it, do it yourself. This will negate a lot of arguments.
It's all about the differences between his tolerance of dirt/dust and clutter vs your tolerance for dirt/dust and clutter. I have a medium tolerance for dirt/dust, low tolerance for clutter. Therefore my house is usually picked up, but not vacuumed a lot. When I get tired of the dirt or dust, I clean house. Just because you disagree with him, or he forgets, doesn't mean he is wrong.
I currently live alone but I will help my gf remodel bathrooms, do fixing up things, rake leaves, shovel snow, etc. Since I live alone, I have enough time to do my own chores so there is no need for her to help me, but she does insist on cooking for me sometimes.
As for my gf, she is pretty handy, and has no problem finishing her basement (a future project). I simply like spending time with her, whether having fun or doing chores, so I help her out when I'm at her house.
Anyway, he should help out at home some, but remember he has 2 jobs. Do you only do work at home? It may not be fair for him to have 2 jobs AND do half the house work. He is not Superman, and he might get tired or forget.
About him picking up slack if you get a job, how many hours does he work each week with 2 jobs? 40 hours? That's now so bad. He can help out more. But if you are both busy, some things will have to slide. Don't try to be Supermom and try to do everything, thereby stressing yourself out and destroying the relationship. Is it more important to have a relationship or a clean house? Determine your priorities.
Rule #2: Work with your strengths.
Each person should do what they are good at. My ex was not good at framing because she was not strong enough to straighten the crooked 2x4 boards we ended up buying. But she did fine with mudding drywall, and tiling and painting.
Last edited by bulrush; 05-01-12 at 09:25 PM.
I have a long time interest in psychology, specializing in relationship dynamics for 30 years.
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