Poor 2nd date? how to recover

[Down&Out]

So I met a girl through an online dating site and we met for coffee. After meeting she texted saying she had a great time and the next day she texted me as well seeing how I was doing. We texted back and forth for the next couple days and things seemed great. I then called and asked if she would like to do dinner at a place she had mentioned was her favorite. I made reservations which surprised her when she found out but I believe in a good way. We sat down to dinner and she sat close. I was nervous because I really like this girl and she is very genuine. My nerves may have gotten the best of me. Towards the end I mentioned doing dinner again and she mentioned an area wondering if I had been there. I said no and somehow the topic was changed. The bill came and she offered to pay half and out of nerves and confusion I let her (it was a smaller bill at least but still feel bad). However, I drove all the way to this restaurant that was near her home and she had paid for coffee before (again for driving up to see her) so maybe this was not that unusual. I walked her to her car and we parted ways. I texted her after " thanks for dinner tonight I had a great time. Hope your day goes well tomorrow" she replied " Thanks Have fun tomorrow as well!" This evening I text her " Hope you enjoyed your last day of vacation" I did not receive a response. So my question is am I overthinking this or did something turn her off and she was just being nice texting me back the night before? were both in our mid twenties and looking for something more serious. If I did mess up is there any way to recover? Any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[pisces25]

It doesn't sound like you didn't do anything wrong. Perhaps just ask straight out if she is interested in another date? If she is as genuine as you say, she will be straight with you.

[Down&Out]

Thanks for the reply. Maybe I'm over thinking this. Towards the end of the date I was just hoping we were going to have another. She is a little shy and I tried to fill the void in conversation at points and just hope I didn't try too hard. I was unsure how are coffee date went as well but then she initiated contact twice after that and seemed to make it clear she enjoyed it. I was under the impression that it must have gone really well based on the contact. After this last date I just felt like it was hard to sit at a table and create a spark versus moving slower and getting out and about for something. Would it at least be best to wait a few days before contacting her again? see if she contacts me or at least give a little space.

[Down&Out]

I guess the main question is this. Would she have replied to my text that I sent after dinner if she had lost interest? I said thanks for dinner I had a great time. Hope your meeting goes well. She replied right away saying ( thanks have fun fishing tomorrow!).....I just noticed she didn't say she had a good time too. The me t day I texted her saying ( hope you enjoyed your last day of vacation) no reply.... Gonna back off for awhile but where do I stand. Thanks

[vashti]

You invited her for dinner. You should have paid.

[Down&Out]

I know I should have paid. I was caught off guard. But based on what I've said is there hope for a third date to make up for this?

[vashti]

It depends; you are going to have to ask in order to find out. How old is she? If she is young (20s), she might be more forgiving.

For the record, this is NOT to say a female shouldn't *ever* contribute to the expense of dating, but whomever does the inviting - especially in a new relationship - should pay.

[Down&Out]

Thanks for the impute. We are both mid twenties and she seems very nice. Would it be best to give her space for a few days and then ask her out? Maybe something casual next week or a sporting event? Thanks!!

[bulrush]

For the record, this is NOT to say a female shouldn't *ever* contribute to the expense of dating, but whomever does the inviting - especially in a new relationship - should pay.

I've had a lot of dates, and only been asked out by a woman once or twice in my life. Women just are too cheap to pay for dates, I think that's one reason they don't ask guys out on dates. Slightly more often they will pay half, but still it's rare.

See, my attitude is, I want a partnership, where we work together in all aspects of the relationship. So, if she doesn't pay for half the dates, she's not a keeper. I want a modern woman, not a 1950s woman. But that's just me. I want a truly liberated woman. If I have to do the dishes sometimes, she has to change the oil in the car sometimes.

Finding a truly liberated woman is VERY difficult, but I've found 2 or 3 in my life. I guess that speaks volumes for modern American women.

[surfhb]

I've had a lot of dates, and only been asked out by a woman once or twice in my life. Women just are too cheap to pay for dates, I think that's one reason they don't ask guys out on dates. Slightly more often they will pay half, but still it's rare.

See, my attitude is, I want a partnership, where we work together in all aspects of the relationship. So, if she doesn't pay for half the dates, she's not a keeper. I want a modern woman, not a 1950s woman. But that's just me. I want a truly liberated woman. If I have to do the dishes sometimes, she has to change the oil in the car sometimes.

Finding a truly liberated woman is VERY difficult, but I've found 2 or 3 in my life. I guess that speaks volumes for modern American women.

Good luck finding a lady with that attitude. Generally, the womens lib movement is a myth. The only difference between now and the 50s is that women need to work....different times. 2 incomes are almost a requirement in a relationship

[sadie_genie]

The bill thing was a test of your manhood. You failed, no recovery.

[vashti]

I've had a lot of dates, and only been asked out by a woman once or twice in my life. Women just are too cheap to pay for dates, I think that's one reason they don't ask guys out on dates.

Doesn't matter whether you are right or not (and I don't think you are); whomever invites should pay. That is simply good manners. Would you invite your mom to lunch and ask her to fork over half?

[Mona_B]

Who says the man has to pay all the time? And she asked him if they should split the bill. When I read right, he would have had no issue to pay.

So what is wrong with you women expecting the guys always to pay? I am a woman, I certainly don't mind being taken out and all this, but I am not taking it for granted. And if I ask to split, then I mean it.

I know dating is different in America. Maybe this is why Americans like European women, because most of us are much realistic, I guess :-). Welcome in 21th century. You can't have equal rights and expecting at the same time to be treated like a princess jumping out of the 19th.

Times changed.

[vashti]

Who says the man has to pay all the time?

No one did... do all self-important Europeans lack basic reading comprehension skills?

[Mona_B]

"The bill thing was a test of your manhood. You failed, no recovery. ".

He is not a man, because she was asking him to split and he said yes to it. What clear logic.

"I've had a lot of dates, and only been asked out by a woman once or twice in my life. Women just are too cheap to pay for dates, I think that's one reason they don't ask guys out on dates. Slightly more often they will pay half, but still it's rare."

He has a point.

I read other threads too. American women (not necessarly you, but in general) look much for for material things as we do. As a man, if you don't pay all the time, if you don't have a car, you loose. They are looking for a spender and don't see the point to invest in a relationship.

Of course I am trying to provoke. I don't think all women are like that. And there are enough golddiggers around here.