Sex advice needed

[tmc92ic]

I have been dating this girl for a few months now, have been having sex for awhile now too.

While cuddling last night, I asked her if she had ever experienced an orgasm. She said "Yes" with a giggle as if I had asked a dumb question and I found it a bit skeptical. So I asked if she really had one and when it was. She said of course she has had one and that she has one with me every time.

At this point it's clear that she has not had an orgasm or knows what one is. She thinks that cumming is the same as having an orgasm... which it is not (correct me if I am wrong?). Cumming is a short good feeling, while having an orgasm is like cumming over and over for a longer period?

Correct me at any point here if I am wrong please, I don't know too much about this myself to be honest. I did a little research a while before and found out that in order to achieve an orgasm you have to stimulate or play with her clit. One of the best ways to do so is to suck on the clit while fingering her downwards.

That same night, I could tell she was sorta-kind-of in the mood for sex from me rubbing/scratching her body while in bed but wasn't wet or anything. So I asked if she knew where her clit was (this is after the whole orgasm talk above). She said yes but I could tell she only said it because she was remembered not to know and told me it was at the tip. So slipped my hand down there and started feeling around asking her if she felt anything different... I got no reactions.

Some time passes... and I take my hand and put it the side of her face and softly scratch behind her ear, down her chaw to her chin, touch her lip, work back up, run my fingers down through her hair. I discovered a new turn on spot apparently, lol. She starting twitching a little from how much she liked so then run my hand down her pants and start fingering her. I could have actual sex because we were at her grandmas house for Christmas. While down there I noticed something I noticed before when having sex a few other times. A small ball/bell like thing not on the tip of her vagina but also not inside. I figured that was her clit so I played with it a little and asked her if she felt something. At the first two strokes she felt nothing and then she told me she started feeling something. Then she told me to stop as if it was hurting her or something.

I asked her if she felt like it was going to make her pee, she said yes. In the midst of my research on orgasms I saw that women often hold back to something that feels as if she is about to pee. So I told her that was her clit.

Questions:

1. Is the ball/bell I described her clit?
2. Is the method I found "Sucking the clit, while fingering her downward" an effective method? If not post what you found effective...?
3. Can you only stimulate the clit when she is in the mood?

Background Details: (sex related)

• I am 19, she is 18.
• She had four other boyfriends before me, two of which were 2 and 3 year relationships.
• She tells me that all the other boyfriends she has had sex with were virgins.
• She says that they all would usually cum before her and it would only take like 5-7 minutes.
• She says that her boyfriend before the last one would never make her cum. (I don't if I could believe this? or she was just saying it to make me happy somehow...)
• I last longer than her "majority of the time. She usually cums within 5-10 minutes and I am still going.
• She says she cums with me every time when we do it. I do believe this, I can tell by the things she does before/after. But there is no way to tell for sure...
• She has never had an orgasm.

One of the concerns I have in the back of my head now is that since I mentioned this to her... it has put an idea or thought into her head. I feel as if I don't deliver an orgasm now she might go looking for one else were. This is unlikely though, it's just a small fear in the back of my head now since I had mentioned it. Shes one of those girls that has only guy friends and shes a serious fvcking light weight when it comes to drinking. That's the main reason why I am here asking for help now...

Please add ANY other feedback as well, you don't have to focus on just my three main questions. Thank you!! and happy holidays!!

[smackie9]

Get her a toy if you are so worried about it.

[smackie9]

Or get her to masturbate in front of you so you can see how she gets off, and see how she reacts.......I will tell yo this most girls discover themselves at around 12 years of age and know what an orgasm is. So she should be openly telling you do this, now do that, don't go there go here. In other words communicate with her and don't bother with us.

[tmc92ic]

Any real advice is still welcomed...

[bcgirl]

First off.....she is 18 yrs old and has NO CLUE yet about how sex or her sexual organs are supposed to work.

Fact: Majority of women have faked it at some points on their lives. (this usually is to please the man and they've seen it in movies so they think this is what men want)
Fact: Some women have orgasms and don’t know it. Some women do not experience orgasm in the sense of feeling their pelvic floor muscles contract. They do however reach a peak of arousal after which they feel very relaxed and contented, the same feelings other women experience after orgasm. By contrast, women who get very aroused and do not experience orgasm will sometimes feel "nervous" or "edgy" or even an aching discomfort in their pelvis.
Fact: Only about a third of women experience orgasm regularly during intercourse. A third can reach orgasm with intercourse but need extra stimulation. A third never achieve orgasm during intercourse but can by manual and oral stimulation. Having orgasms by means other than intercourse is a normal variation of female sexuality.

I'm one of those 2/3 population of females unable to orgasm with regular intercourse. I always need clitoral stimulation to get the job done. I also read somewhere that it takes an average of 7 minutes for a man to orgasm while it takes an average of 40 minutes for a woman to orgasm. What you are doing (giving her oral stimulation) is a good thing....continue with that.

[MaidenMinx]

I was under the impression that a female (like a male) will only cum at the height of orgasm so therefore to cum is to orgasm. (if anyone with an education thinks I am wrong, please correct me)

Having said that, why don't you believe her when she says she has orgasmed? Just because she isn't sure where her clit is doesn't mean she hasn't orgasmed. I gave my self my first orgasm at 12, I didn't figure out where my clit was til I was 19. Took me a long time to figure it out because I am one of those rare women that actually cannot stand direct clitoral contact. It actually hurts and is overwhelming.

Secondly, there is no one set way to ensure your gf reaches orgasm. All women are different and like different things.

Stop looking online for the answers and talk to her.

[smackie9]

Yes all are different...I had it figured out pretty quickly at very young age. I found guys were the ones that were clueless, even the older guys I slept with.


As they say if you can't have sex with the lights on, then you are not ready to have sex....and that also includes communication....if you can't talk openly with her and she can't openly talk to you about sex, then none of you are ready to have sex.

[bulrush]

A couple things I noticed about the vast majority of my girlfriends in high school and college:
- They either had no sex drive, or
- Had no clue about about their preferences during sex, or
- They couldn't talk about it. Maybe because they were ignorant. Or just shy.

Biologically speaking, women meet their peak sexuality in the late 30s, early 40s. But there are exceptions which I personally know of, where the girls are "exploring" themselves around age 12-13. For some reason these girls have a sex drive pretty early. That doesn't mean they actually want sex, they may be too shy to ask for it.

Next, there are several ways women can reach an orgasm, the clit is just one way. Normal PV sex ("intercourse") is one way, or oral sex is another. Some women only orgasm from anal sex, and often quite strongly. Everyone is different. Women vary a lot that way.

It's not easy to give you advice because every woman is different. If you ask her gf what she likes, and she doesn't tell you, she probably doesn't know, because she has little or no sex drive, and therefore no desire to explore herself. Just a wild guess, but a pretty good one in my experience.

[smackie9]

It's not the fact they have no sex drive..a lot of it has to do with how they are raised, and fear of getting aids, or other viruses like herpes. In my day it was the free lovin 70's, no one ever heard of aids, and the pill was relatively a new easy choice of birth control. A lot of what it is now is peoples attitude towards sex. Young people are coddled and so sheltered these days by their parents, they are too afraid to do anything.

[Benni]

^^^^ good point!

[bulrush]

It's not the fact they have no sex drive..a lot of it has to do with how they are raised, and fear of getting aids, or other viruses like herpes. In my day it was the free lovin 70's, no one ever heard of aids, and the pill was relatively a new easy choice of birth control. A lot of what it is now is peoples attitude towards sex. Young people are coddled and so sheltered these days by their parents, they are too afraid to do anything.

Yeah, I sorta mentioned that in a roundabout way when I said "they might be shy". But true, the way they were raised has a lot to do with their attitude. Catholics seem especially ignorant about sex, because they are taught it's dirty. Well, if it's so dirty, why did God make us that way to enjoy sex? Baptists, at least the church I went to, were more open about it but still discouraged premarital sex. This Baptist church stressed sex was wonderful between a married man and woman. And that's the context they used.

How does genital herpes affect sex drive? I never heard of that. I mean, it probably hurts the woman if they are having a breakout, is that what you mean? What about when they are not having a breakout?

Young people are coddled and so sheltered these days by their parents, they are too afraid to do anything.

Wow. I thought I was the only one who thought that. They're too afraid to get an education (too much debt, but who can blame them) or get a job.

[smackie9]

A friend of mine has herpes, and I remember her suffering from fatuge.....it drained her. But I guess it's not all the same for everyone. She was more sensitive to even cold sores. What got me was that her doctor didn't give her any info on how to not spread it to others....she just assumed she just had to use protection when she was having an outbreak......I straightened her out on that one.....sad thing was that she had unprotected sex with her sisters friend. You just can't be too careful eh?

[bulrush]

A normal would get SOME fatigure during an outbreak I hear. But not otherwise. She might have been immuno-compromised, or simply had a tough time fighting viruses.

[smackie9]

No she is a stresser....that's when she usually broke out.

[searock]

Having an orgasm = cumming. Does she really cum every time, after so little time? If so, you have nothing to worry about.
I suspect that she did actually feel "something" when you were looking for her clit, and I believe you found it if she said that it hurt her after a while. It's a very sensitive spot.
As others have said, every woman (as every man) is sexually different, so you just have to figure out what she likes. If she actually does cum every time though, you're doing everything right already. Which is good, because it means you can experiment new fun stuff without fear - in case anything new doesn't "work", you know what to do already.