Would you be put off a girl if she lived with her ex?

[Winter-Dreams]

My boyfriend of a year and I broke up after 5 months of living together. I knew in my gut that it wasn't going to work, but I hoped it would because he's a great guy, but I couldn't keep pretending to feel something I didn't, so I ended it. Unfortunately, we still live together, as we're tied into a year contract on our place. Since it's a one bedroom flat we're still sharing a bed. Weird, yes. It's not as weird as it could be, because he's usually in bed when I get home from work, and gets up before I do, but it's definitely a strange situation.

Anyway, I've been seeing someone else and he knows about my situation with my ex boyfriend (we work together so he knew me before my boyfriend and I split up), and finds it amusing, but I'm concerned that it's holding him back from letting our relationship progress. I feel as if I need to sort out my life with my ex before anything more than just dating and occasionally sleeping together can happen between me and this guy, but I just can't afford to move out.

So I'm asking - guys, would you be put off a girl if she was still living with (and sharing a bed with!) her ex, even if you knew she had no feelings for him any more?

[bulrush]

Yes, it's a huge red flag. Because they are probably not broken up, she probably wants an affair, statistically speaking. Then the other guy has to deal with an angry boyfriend, and lots of drama. If you are broken up, someone should move out. Period.

Whose name is on the lease? If both your names are on the lease, and you were only dating 5 months, it also shows she makes bad decisions, which usually leads to more drama. There's a reason for my rules "Never live together until you have dated 12 months in a row" and "Only one person's name on the lease in case it doesn't work out."

Guys don't like drama.

[valmont]

That stinks hun. Maybe get a futon? Not even for this new guys benefit but for everyone involved.

[Winter-Dreams]

Whose name is on the lease? If both your names are on the lease, and you were only dating 5 months, it also shows she makes bad decisions, which usually leads to more drama. There's a reason for my rules "Never live together until you have dated 12 months in a row" and "Only one person's name on the lease in case it doesn't work out."

Both of our names are on the lease. And we weren't only dating for 5 months - we were together for 7 months when we moved in together, but we'd been living together previously anyway (we got together while housemates at university).
The simple matter is, regardless of the lease issue, neither of us can afford to pay 2 lots of rent, I'm not just going to leave him to pay for a place he can't afford on his own. It's not his fault I broke up with him!

But I do take your point(s).

[Wakeup]

Both of our names are on the lease. And we weren't only dating for 5 months - we were together for 7 months when we moved in together, but we'd been living together previously anyway (we got together while housemates at university).
The simple matter is, regardless of the lease issue, neither of us can afford to pay 2 lots of rent, I'm not just going to leave him to pay for a place he can't afford on his own. It's not his fault I broke up with him!

But I do take your point(s).

Yes, you are a red flag a flappin. I think most guys would keep you around for sexual companionship but they'd hardly let themselves become emotionally involved while you're very much still involved with your drama. So no, not too many would let a relationship "progress."

Did it cross your mind to remain single until you're lease is up and you've had a chance to process things?
You could probably sub-lease the place for the next six months?

Have you got a new place lined up to live in. Maybe if they see that you're capable of living on your own and being independent there might be a better chance of things progressing.

Guys don't like drama.

Most women don't either. I'd not be even dating anyone sitll living with their ex gf never mind "progressing" things. That's a recipe for disaster most times and not worth the, drama!

[smackie9]

It's called a roommate. The both of you can find other people to live with. Just look into your options with the Renters Board in your area. There is probably a way to get out of the leas or just have his name put on it.......never say I can't. There are many people who have faced your situation. Get off your butt and start making some calls.

[Boisdevie]

Buy an air bed and sleeping bag.

[Winter-Dreams]

Did it cross your mind to remain single until you're lease is up and you've had a chance to process things?

Have you got a new place lined up to live in. Maybe if they see that you're capable of living on your own and being independent there might be a better chance of things progressing.

It wasn't as if I went out of my way to get involved with this guy - I'm deliberately keeping it light with him for that reason.
And I am capable of living alone - I've lived alone before, which he knows. If it were easier for me to move out and live alone, I'd have no problem doing that.

It's called a roommate. The both of you can find other people to live with. Just look into your options with the Renters Board in your area. There is probably a way to get out of the leas or just have his name put on it.......never say I can't. There are many people who have faced your situation. Get off your butt and start making some calls.

It's a one bedroom flat. Which I said in the initial post. Believe me, if there was an actual chance to get a flatmate to take one of our places, I would.

Buy an air bed and sleeping bag.

We've done that for a few nights (well, with a mattress), but it's too uncomfortable to do on a regular basis. I know, ridiculous excuse, but if I'm not prepared to sleep on the floor on a regular basis, why should I make him, you know?

[IndiReloaded]

Yes, its offputting. Your posts are starting to move into 'justification realm' but I think you have gotten a pretty consistent answer on this.

People break leases all the time. Or find someone new to take the lease. Its not rocket science.

[Noslen09]

+1 on your replies leaning towards justifying your actions.

My ex gf lived with her ex, but in separate rooms. I was fine with it, but it did bother me from time to time. However, the only reason I was ok with it was because she lied to me; she told me they were just friends from a long time ago. Upon finding that out, I was furious to say the least.

When confronted about it, she told me she lied because she thought I wouldn't be fine with it. She's damn right. Had I known, things would have ended much earlier.

Just don't start a new relationship if you live with your ex. It's just asking for trouble.

[bcgirl]

go on craigslist and find a roomate. It aint rocket science. Let me ask you.... those lonely nights when it's just you and your ex.... you two ever get the urge to fool around for old times sakes?

[ayema]

would you go out with a guy who was still living with his ex!!