In love with my best friend... who's taken. Any help?

[Yourromeo]

Hey everyone,

So I'm in love with my best friend. (I'll call her R.) I've literally tried everything possible to rule love out of the equation.
We met in 5 years ago in 10th grade. We spent literally 24/7 together because we were both always getting leads in our school's plays / musicals.
At the time, she was dating one of my best friends. (I'll call him A.)
I knew I liked her a ton during this time, however, I couldn't really do anything about it because that would be so wack if I tried to break R. and A. up.
After graduation, after R. and A. had been dating for 3+ years, R. found out that A. was cheating on her with another one of our best friends. (I'll call him J.)
Yes, you heard me right. Not only did A. cheat on her... he cheated on her with one of our best friends who was a guy.
She had a breakdown, all of our core group of friends stopped talking and hanging out.

A. and I no longer talk except in passing.
J. and I still talk and hang out.
R. and J. are not talking.
R. and A. are not talking.
A. and J. are not talking.

Anyways, I was her rock dealing through all of this... Around 9 months later, R. (since she goes to college 4-5 states away from me) started dating another guy... (I'll call him T.)
I didn't try anything with R. in that time period because 1. she was getting over a HUGE breakup. 2. I'm friend zoned.

She thinks of me as her little brother, however, she said that if she were to date anyone else in our high school, it would be me because she thinks we would have a ton of fun together. (she said this before graduation)

She is still dating T. but I've come to the realization that I do love and care for her more than anyone...
She is literally who I picture my wife looking like, and we have so much fun together.

I feel if we were to kiss, she would realize her love for me... just because I feel like that spark would be there... She says any girl would be lucky to have me and always says i'm a goof and does things that (if she weren't taken) I would pick up as flirting.


My question is, is there a way to get out of friend zone, without making it look like I'm trying too hard.
and second, how do I tell her I love her?
I've taken a few quizzes to see if I'm actually in love and I got this score:

Your score is 94. This is the real deal - love baby, LOVE!

She makes me feel like everything in life.. all the trouble and hardship, is worth it.

[smackie9]

No sorry, a kiss or a magic spell won't make this girl fall for you. " She says any girl would be lucky to have me and always says i'm a goof and does things that (if she weren't taken) I would pick up as flirting". No it's not flirting it means "Any other girl, but not me". She already sees you as like a brother and always has...that should be the end of it. Please read "the ladder theory".

Telling her you love her will make her drop your friendship, because she knows she can't reciprocate, and things just got too awkward. Dude she is in a relationship, leave her alone and go find yourself a real GF.

[smackie9]

Tip: girls can be emotionally attached to you but not feel any kind of sexual attraction. With guys it's all or nothing. That is why there is always confusion. Girls don't realize that a guy friend that is very attentive, is a guy that wants to date them. They only see things by how they think....nothing sexual about emotional attachment, like a little brother. They usually say nice things to you out of endearment or to keep you around, but at arms length.

Anyways, how about you? have you been dating any girls? or have you been wasting the last 5 years hoping on this girl?

[bcgirl]

If she felt the same way, you two would be together by now. 5 years went by and you are seeing her go through boyfriends, break-ups and another boyfriend. If she really wanted to, she could have picked u...but she went for another guy.

It is easy for a guy to mis-understand girls. When I say "Any girl would be lucky to have you"....it really means "you are a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have you, including me....but I don't view you that way)

[Noslen09]

Theres no exit from the friend zone. Dont try to risk your friendship. Move on and find another girl

[Yourromeo]

I figured it was a lost cause.. I gave up a long time ago.. but just seeing her again recently brought it back up in my mind...

My problem is I guess this..

I'm skinny.. I weigh 115 pounds.
I'm 20.. last april I had a full spinal fusion surgery.
My self confidence is kinda low..

Girls don't want a guy like me.. I'm skin and bone... I consume upwards of 4000-5000 + calories a day but can't put the weight back on.

When I do manage to find a girl that I really like.. I fall kinda hard but I've been trying to play it cool and learn the game..
I've been not doing this whole super gentleman nice guy thing that ends up putting you in friend zone. I learned from those mistakes.

For instance.. I'm talking to this girl now.. We are in a choir together at my college and she came up to me one day and said,
"Hey I'm ____her name here____ .. What's your name?" I said, "I'm john" then she said, "Hi John : ) I've been wondering about you."
Needless to say.. she walked off after saying that. We've been chatting on facebook off and on a few times and I've been trying to ask for her number or to hang out when we get back to school.

She said maybe to hanging out and I asked for her phone number once a while back after we met and talked a bit and she didn't respond to the FB message and so I gave her space for a few days before saying hey again.

How do I get her phone number so I'm not a lame ass guy talking on FB? I don't know how to tell her i'm interested and I'm afraid if I don't do anything, she'll think I'm not picking up on her flirting and she'll think I'm not interested.

any advice?

[smackie9]

Confidence
You have to be calm cool, and not so focused on wanting her....you have to be relaxed and take your time...and let her chase you a bit too. If you get too eager and pushy you look like a dip. Grow some and ask her out.