My girlfriend has turned from wildcat to frigid and it`s destroying our relationship

[4dvz]

Yep, true.. I couldn`t feel that deeper love, only frustration.. I don`t believe the sparkle wears off completely if you are with the right person, atleast I want to believe that way. It might not be as bright as it was during the 1st year of relationship naturally, it`s the effect of new love that wears off, but the sparkle still needs to be there, alive, showing up often enough to make you remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. That`s what I believe.

[alwaystryin]

Vashti.. thanking you for your last post in this thread.

OP.. Vashti is right.

[HeartIsAching]

I agree with searock. If she's depressed, she won't be interested in much of anything, let alone sex. And for the record, if she goes on antidepressants, she is likely to have an even lower sex drive.

All the pressure you give her won't help, especially on a daily basis.

Another thought: women grow bored of sex when their man isn't giving them orgasms.

I wondered when you'd get around to blaming him.

[steviej]

Op, absolutely nothing wrong with wanting the things you've mentioned out of a relationship, i think vashti has just got a bit bitter and twisted in her old age :p

Its just a compatibility issue, she wasn't for you.

[4dvz]

No alwaystryin he is not right. I didn`t mean it like the initial love phase were everything is all kisses and hugs is supposed to last forever if that`s how I made it sound like, but I find it shocking if many people show up saying that you don`t need that special sparkle in a long relationship. Why would you want to be in a relationship where everything you once called love has changed into "deep friendship"? Don`t you need love, sex, romantic moments etc?

[4dvz]

steviej thanks.. that`s the conclusion I came to, she wasn`t for me.

[vashti]

I wondered when you'd get around to blaming him.

I'm not going to bother explaining to you in great detail why your post is retarded, since they already broke up, but I will say that to find a reason something is wrong is not the same as placing blame. It's a learning opportunity.

[vashti]

vashti: That`s what she said, not me. I just wanted to feel the sparkle and have an active sex life. And btw that`s really untoughtful thing from you to say that I`m not a "good candidate" for relationship, made me shake my head really. I don`t know what made you say I need to grow, are you one of those people who think that relationships are made of grey everyday life where you are just friends with your partner? I believe there are relationships where the sparkle stays alive forever, if there are not then I quess I`m unique.

You broke up with this girl, and immediately jumped into bed with another one who won't call you back, all in the pursuit of "sparkle" and "romance". I understand wanting those things, but you can't build a lasting relationship if those are your priorities because real life gets in the way.

I do suggest you find someone more sexually compatible, though.

[bulrush]

Some girls think their mate should already know what the problem is and get frustrated that they don't so they shut down.

Actually, that is one of my definitions of immaturity. This is especially common when women assume their partner has ESP, and they get frustrated when they don't know what is going on. Newsflash: people don't have ESP, which is why they need to talk about issues in some detail. Newflash: men and women see things differently because their brains are wired differently. Men are not tuned in to subtle social signals like women are.

It could be that she's falling/ fallen out of love with you.

Just about everyone falls out of love. Feelings ebb and flow, come and go. Some people work on it and put the spark back into their life. Some don't. Some people are not compatible enough to regenerate that spark, so they break up/divorce. Love doesn't happen automatically, BOTH people must work at it, AND there must be good compatibility as a foundation to rebuild that love/passion/intense feeling.

[smackie9]

Compatibility is what keeps a relationship together for the long haul. Being able to share your passions, and also bring new interests into the relationship to keep things fresh and exciting. It's pretty simple....if you don't have any of that and you stay together...that's called settling.

[Ibanez86]

Me and my ex-gf had the exact same problem.. First 1.5 years were great, after that: less and less and less.. This put a lot of stress on our relationship. We tried to work it out, talk about it a lot etc. etc. But it never really got better. After 3 years we broke up (not only because of this..), but didn't really stop seeing each other. The sex we had when we were broken up was suddenly amazing.. Maybe the best we'd ever had. This lasted about 4-5 months on and off, until she suddendly had a new boyfriend, which was to be expected..
Don't really know what kind of advice I can give you though. The only thing that helped our sex life, was break up, but that turned out to be a bad idea. It seemed like the best decision at the time, but now she's in someone elses bed and I miss her everyday.. :-(

[bulrush]

I don't think it's a problem with immaturity, but more like being on the defensive from being pressured, and or a possibility of resentment of some kind on her part.

Being defensive is a sign of immaturity. Mature people do not let themselves get defensive, they are above it. Begin defensive is a REACTION, when instead they should be ACTING based on thought, not REACTING with their emotions. They focus on the relationship, instead of focusing on their own emotions.

Some girls think their mate should already know what the problem is and get frustrated that they don't so they shut down.

This falls under lack of communication, and I think, falls under the fact that immature girls often go through this "fantasy" phase, where they think unicorns are real, that all people are nice, and men have ESP. Again, it's a sign of immaturity to think, unrealistically, that men have ESP, and that verbal communication is unimportant.

We don't really know how these two communicate..... what has been said or how things are said. We are only getting one side of the story. I say go get counseling so there can be a mediator to help discuss this issue properly that's providing this relationship is worth even saving.

I am simply commenting on what I do know, and the issues I mentioned above are REAL common.