Should I stay or should I go

[GhostRider]

I am writing this for all who wish to listen. To her, in hopes that one day she will understand and care. I want to start from

the beginning but I don't exactly remember it all. Firstly, we went out, briefly cheated on each other and she got pregnant that

will explain her boy later. We worked at the carnival together, she is 10 years younger than me. After we met up again it was hard to control ourselves it seemed crazy, like

we were meant for each other. Like mad, fiery, uncontrolable passion. Which lasted for a long time, I guess maybe only a year. We became best friends,

lovers, engaged to be married. We were looking for a place to live, to change our lives, to get her son back. While in the midst

of this we got pregnant. We found jobs, got a place to live and got her son back. Soon after our son was born. Times got harder

two kids, no car, no sleep and crappy jobs. Thats how the strain started. She told me recently that she realized she didn't love

me before our son was born, we'll get to that later. So she lost her job due to lack of sleep and me fighting for sleep so I

could work. Jobs for her came and went after that, I continued to work as much as I could. We started to grow apart I think as

there was always fighting over being able to pay the bills, diapers, wipes, other things. Sex became almost nonexistent or

forced. This added to my displeasure. I needed her to hold a job but daycare does not always come right away. So we struggled

more and argued more. She broke up with me, cheated on me, then got back together. I did not know this and the break-up was

short. I think this pushed her mind farther away from me. So arguing continues as we fight to pay bills, diapers, wipes. When my

son was almost a year old I find out she has been cheating on me for a couple months. Thanks Facebook. She broke up with me only

a couple weeks before. I fought with her to stay to work on things, her mother lives in another state. She said she would stay

but needed time to think. She continued see this guy, only because he had a car. He had an STD, so no sex. Thanks again

Facebook, cause I would not have believed her at this point. She doesn't have it, she gets checked. She tells him she loves him

all the time, I check her emails now. She says she using him for his car. I don't believe her so arguing continues. I'm not

really giving her time to think or space, I still love her, but I don't trust her now. Just to make this clear, I love her

totally, she still is my best friend, she is an awesome person to be around. I don't know what is going on in her head at this

point but this is not my best friend. I know this that is why I'm still here. Also we always sleep in the same bed, I still do

things for her, pet her, do anything I possibly can. She gives me hand jobs, no sex, no kissing. I'm a sucker, but this is not

the girl I've known for 6 years. I want her back, fighting continues. I do not know at this point that she has not been in love

with me for a year. She got a cell phone, probably tired of me checking her emails, so I start reading her texts. Still telling

the guy she loves him. One night I get exceptionally angry over the cell phone. She smashes with a large candle right in front

of me. I smack her on the head. I didn't mean to, just a sudden reaction. I instantly feel terrible, she is sobbing. Cops get

called. I go to jail. 30 days, domestic violence. My family helps her stay, even though they begin to dislike her. I have never

hit a person, I am totally non-violent, they know this. She says she had time to think and she wants to fix our relationship. I

come home. I tell her to remove a banner from her new cell phone that reads Straight Huge, reminding me this guy has a bigger

dick. That doesn't go over well. I make a rude comment about a rash being the STD. That defintetly doesn't go over well. So she

goes out with a new guy she met off the internet, has an instant crush on him. I was friends with him in high school. He knows

where I stand, keeps going out and making out with her. He is already in love, it's been a week. I should tell him my story, but

I just don't care. So I sit at home being a babysitter at night, while she goes out. When she stays home she won't let me touch

her. We still sleep in the same bed. I still help her raise her son, I even walk her to work. Stupid. But I am happier now.

Happy to not be her, happy to know that I know what is right and to be able to see a good thing. A person that will work hard

and stay even though you hurt them. For his family. I should leave but her father left her, her mother did drugs, practically

nonexistant, her mom is better now though. I want to show her what it is like when someone won't give up on you, that still

loves you even though you make bad choices. I want to be the better person. I might not make it though, it is hurting to much to

watch her, to miss the girl I was in love with. I will stay for a while for my son, but I think she is trying to see how much it

will take to drive me away. Is there a way to clean th slate or has it gone on to long? I have to go to jail for a DUI I got a

long time ago. Maybe some more time away will show her. Maybe not.You can't make someone feel love, you can only show them what

it is. Two days I have kept my mouth shut and have been happy, starting the third. See how it goes.

[bcgirl]

She gives me hand jobs, no sex, no kissing.

isn't it clear that she had sexual relations with that STD guy? She is scared she might have an STD as well, so she doesn't kiss nor have sex with you (no fluid contact).

As I read your thread I actually get angry about how you can be so blind to so many things and how she treats you like crap, cheats on your repeatedly and rubs it in your face while you turn a blind eye. The absolute BEST thing you can do for your son is to break up with your wife. Kids do better with 2 seperate parents who don't fight....than with parents that are dysfunctional and do fight all the time.

[tmc92ic]

You sound like a really good guy. It is actually really rare to find a person so kind-hearted now adays.

But you are being a sucker. She is after material possessions such as money, cars, etc. and that is why she keeps looking for these guys on the internet. As soon as she finds someone on the internet who has what she is looking for (money) and can cling on to him, she will leave you.

You need to leave her. Find someone who actually cares about you the same way you care about them.

[GhostRider]

She is kissing a new guy, she is postitive she doesn't have herpes. Or so she says.
I don't have the financial stability to get my own place and she cannot afford to live on her own either.
She says she is my best friend and still loves me, but has no desires to kiss me or touch me.

[GhostRider]

She says its not about material possesions, its about finding a person that she can never stop thinking about. That the spark never dies.

[bulrush]

Words are cheap. Her actions show how she really feels about you. No sex=no attachment=no relationship. You are foolish to believe her lies.

[GhostRider]

She is 24 and I am 33.
Sometimes I think she is too young and needs time to see what is important in life.
She thinks that she will find someone that she the spark in the relationship never dies. I tried explaining to her that it will die in any relationship if you let it. That you need to focus on the postive things and remember love the things that make a person an individual, to keep that spark alive. Anyone can let it go, it will never be there forever if you don't want it to be, if you don't fight for it through the hard times.

[bulrush]

She is 24 and I am 33.
Sometimes I think she is too young and needs time to see what is important in life.

Could be she is too immature. I think she's just a ditz. Just because you CAN get pregnant without the father in the picture, doesn't mean you SHOULD. It shows poor decision making skills.

She thinks that she will find someone that she the spark in the relationship never dies. I tried explaining to her that it will die in any relationship if you let it. That you need to focus on the postive things and remember love the things that make a person an individual, to keep that spark alive. Anyone can let it go, it will never be there forever if you don't want it to be, if you don't fight for it through the hard times.

You are exactly right. Keeping the spark alive means work. I don't think she likes work. She spreads her legs, gets pregnant, gets child support. Easy money!

[GhostRider]

She is not a ditz, she is pretty smart for 24. I mean in general though, she maybe naive in love and descision making.