When does the guy your dating become your bf?

[Hookahmike]

Over the years ive had girls give me lots of differant points at which the guy theyre dating becomes theyre bf, so ladies when does the guy your dating brcome your bf?

[bcgirl]

when you two are spending tons of time together, have been intimate, and have had a conversation about wanting to be exclusive

[Superfantastich]

...I am always confused by this question
doesn't it just happen?
then again I'm not really one for one night stands and seeing three guys at once before I make a decision

[whenweawake]

after being with my boyfriend for a while when we first started dating i asked the same question i wanted to say when we went on are 3rd date when i basicly asked what are we. but he choose the first "date" is when we started "dating" cause thats basicly what dating is and the dates are about a month apart so i agreed on his date so it seems like we have been together longer which comforts someone like me cause before him the longest relationship i had was 4 months and iv never made it past that. im now on month 7 as of today

[vashti]

when does the guy your dating brcome your bf?

when you agree to be exclusive.

[searock]

I think it depends on the culture. In my country if you go out with somebody on an actual date (i.e. not a one night stand or "just to have fun" thing), then exclusivity is basically a given. It would be an asshole thing to do, to date somebody else soon after you dated a guy without first telling said guy that you aren't interested. So as soon as you start dating someone, it's exclusive, unless explicitly said otherwise. Yet it's not like he becomes your bf straight away. I think it happens with time, the more you see each other and feel comfortable and intimate around each other... so I'd say the moment of "change" is when you start referring to each other as "my bf" or "my gf" and you both agree (don't disagree) to those definitions. Or something along those lines.

[vashti]

In my country if you go out with somebody on an actual date, then exclusivity is basically a given.

You're kidding! What culture is that? Are you middle eastern?

[inflorescence]

I avoided commitment for a long time, I had fun for a few years dating several guys at once.. but did not want a boyfriend. As soon as things became physical I would cut off the other guys and discuss being exclusive/not seeing anyone else with them. A few times I would state that I wanted to be exclusive but didn't want to be their girlfriend (you know meeting parents, thinking of marrying them..etc) Personally I don't want him sticking anything in someone else if he's putting it in me... not safe.. and not fair for me to do it to them. Soooo, I would suggest on being specific to what you are looking for and what you want, that way no one gets hurt!

[searock]

You're kidding! What culture is that? Are you middle eastern?

No, I live in a very "western-cultured" country of the european union actually (I'd rather not say which country).

It doesn't mean that you CAN'T date someone else while you are already dating somebody, it just means that you're pretty much an asshole if you do (male or female). Unless you explicitly tell the person you are dating that you want to be free to date somebody else in the meanwhile as well (but said person would most likely feel AT LEAST weirded out if you actually asked something like that, if not downright offended/hurt. It's kind of like "why would you want to date somebody else as well? Am I not good enough for you?").

On the other hand, it's very common of course to go to parties or just in clubs or bars or whatever just to "have fun". It's also ok to go on just ONE date with somebody and obviously if it doesn't "click", to date somebody else (as long as you tell the person you dated that you aren't interested). And it's ok to be "friends with benefits" with somebody. But "seriously" dating several people for more than one date each would be disrespectful and hurtful to the person you are dating - unless both parties are aware and agree with it (but it has to be made explicitly clear, and this is quite rare).

It's very much accepted for two persons to have fun together and not be "obliged" to one another, as long as they aren't dating each other. By "dating" I mean actually setting up dates (rather than just casually hanging out with someone) and involving romantic feelings.

So yeah a guy becomes a girl's boyfriend when they both start using the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" to refer to one another. Or when they openly discuss it. Exclusivity has nothing to do with it, since it's already a given from the moment two persons start "seriously" dating.

[HeartIsAching]

Over the years ive had girls give me lots of differant points at which the guy theyre dating becomes theyre bf, so ladies when does the guy your dating brcome your bf?

When you discuss together the idea of being exclusive with each other, and mutually agree to it. The key word here is discuss. Don't make assumptions.

[HeartIsAching]

when you agree to be exclusive.

Beat me to it. Wish I could "thank" your post.

[bluesummer]

I never assumed exclusivity until it was mutually agreed upon. Not that it was a formal sit-down discussion, but there always comes a point where you kinda ask...."are we only seeing each other?" and you say yes, and that's it.

[vashti]

It's kind of like "why would you want to date somebody else as well? Am I not good enough for you?").

That's silly. How would you KNOW if they are good enough based on a single date?

[Gypsybell]

I sort of agree with Searock. I'm Australian, so I don't think it's cultural, just courtesy and less confusing. One at a time is good fishing!

One only plays the field IN the field! That is, flirting in group gatherings when one is single and fishing. Once accepting a proper date I am exclusive until it is ended, either after that first date or whatever follows. I just don't see that it's worth it to give your time to one man if he's dating others as well and I assume he feels the same. I mean, it's expensive paying for outings and time is like gold, too, when you are juggling a social life with a job. If you want a crowd then go to a party.

I wouldn't choose to be on a date if I didn't want that particular man to myself and so the second date is generally the clincher, at least, that is when I have been asked the question, "are you my girlfriend?" . Naturally, a girl never asks. At least, not in my day.

[searock]

That's silly. How would you KNOW if they are good enough based on a single date?

As I said, it's ok to go on just ONE date and then eventually date someone else - but just as long as you don't ask the person you dated once to date again. I think the reasoning behind it is that you somehow have to prove to the person you are dating that you are serious about him/her. If you decide to date someone more than once, it should mean that you are genuinely interested in them, so there would really be no point in dating somebody else as well. You should be happy to focus entirely on that person. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable at all dating a man whom I know was seeing other people as well. I'd feel like he was "trying me out" kind of like a car or something, before deciding which one is best for him. Ew. Either it works or it doesn't, but at least show me that you are serious about wanting it to work, show me that you care. Otherwise I wouldn't even bother actually.

I'm not sure it's cultural since I'm european (western culture), I guess it's just a little difference or something. We never have to ask each other "are we only seeing each other?", if not at the very beginning, to avoid eventual problems later on. If nothing is said, though, it is pretty much implicit that we are only going to see each other for as long as we date.