We need help when being a couple in company of friends.

[Achilles]

Hello,

My gilfriend and I have been having a bit of trouble when we go out together with friends. When alone or with immediate family we're a very affectionate couple, holding hands, hugging, kisses and compliments, you know. We're in our mid-20s and been going out just under a year.

When we're out with friends, obviously we have to tone it down a bit, but we seem to always end up both of us feeling ignored and when we're on our own again we end up having an upset.

I can't quite figure out why this seems to happen though. It's almost like we can't talk to each other in front of friends. This has happened in front of both her friends and mine, as well as mutual friends.

To me it feels that rather than complimenting me she puts me down. Normally she would say how great I am but when we're out it feels like she makes jokes at my expense. She doesn't kiss me or hold my hand.
On the flip-side, she tells me I ignore her and don't seem as loving. From what I can tell I make lots of effort to be affectionate, trying to hold her hand. I do obviously try to engage everybody in a conversation, which could seem like I'm ignoring her (there's usually only 4 or 5 of us). But I can sense when I'm not getting through I do get annoyed and stop trying after an hour or so and we just end up not talking to each other and we're both fully aware of it.

I'm not trying to use this as a moaning thread. It's my fault as much it is hers. I just want to know of what I can do to fix the problem.

[pisces25]

Sounds like she doesn't like other people having your attention. How annoying for you. There is nothing worse than being in a group situation and a couple are all over each other, on the otherhand being cold and arguing isn't pleasant either.

Have you tried talking to her about this and what goes through her head when you are out with friends? Maybe with some insight you can start working on solutions to this problem.

[Boisdevie]

You need to talk to her about this.

[bcgirl]

Well when put into a group of people, you are expected to act a certain way. She feels really comfortable with you....but she probably doesn't feel as comfortable with her friends, thus she tries to put on this persona of a "tough" chick who isn't clingy and doesn't need her bf 24/7. Chicks that are too clingy get a bad rap among girlfriends... so she feels like she can't be her true self due to what other people may think about her or judge her.

[devonbrown]

Understand that some people feel the need to put on a show for others when they are in a group. This could involve making jokes at your expense, etc. But the best way to resolve this issue is to simply talk to her about it. If your relationship is going to grow, you need to learn how to communicate (and even how to fight) effectively. Listen as much as you talk, if not more. Let her know this is bothering you, but be sure to spell it out because she might not have any clue it is affecting you at all.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

You guys are just to new in your relationship and don't quite know how to act in certain situations. Relax and just talk calmly about it to her, but with an open mind.

I was in her position once, but it turned out my ex had a big fat ego, and wanted it nurtured and stroked just like his other GFs did for him. I was no sickly girlie girl, I'm a tomboy, like one of the guys......it just turned out we were not compatable, and it was over within 2 months, thank god.