Hi all..
I am a 22 years old Asian female, brought up in a Western world.
My family are really kind and loving and have kept me safe and happy all my life.
I have a boyfriend who will soon be my fiance whom I love very much and vice-versa.
Now what is wrong with this picture?
I should be happy! Yet because of the protections of loved ones I have grown up somewhat naive and stupid...
I'm scared of confrontation, so am not a very confident or forward person.
When I don't know what to say or do in certain 'social' situations I just freeze up, expressionless...
I am aware of many things in life (that were I someone else), I should've reacted or done better.
More recently I had started a class. It was full of bitchy bimbo type people.
I thought if I tried harder to communicate etc, I would integrate into the class and be happy, make friends, but all that's happened is that I am severely unhappy. None of the people in the class actually give a damn. I find this really rude of their behaviour and don't know if its partially racism (there are no Asians in the class at all), or just a complete clash of personalities (In my heart I've always avoided bitchy people and bimbo's alike) They just are so inconsiderate and 'use' me so to speak.
The girls have been 'bullying' me via text message. Saying 'bitchy' snide comments and trying to get a reaction out of me.
I'm angry about it, but at the same time, I'm not a person to cause trouble. It's affecting my health quite horribly, as I've always had a fragile immune system/body (hence the overprotective family).
It's not only this situation but also general life I keep reflecting upon and feel like I just want to shrink away into my baby cot life and let everyone take care of me like they have for the past 22 years...
I feel real pathetic and ... I dunno. I feel like though I have this potential and could/should be happy, but I'm not.
I want to smile, but it seems so much effort to do so. Like if I did smile, it would be fake and unworthy.