Am I being unreasonable

[eidrog]

I have been dating a girlfriend now for six months having met on an internet dating website. Just after we met my subscription to the dating website expired so I did not renew it. She had only just registered on the dating website and I was the first guy she had dated. We soon became lovers and have had a lovely friendship and intimacy. However, she still uses the dating website and has renewed her subscription. This makes me think that I am just there until someone better arrives. When I challenge her she assures me that she has not met anyone else and that her and her girlfriends go on it for 'fun'.
This has become a major obstacle in our relationship. Am I being unreasonable in expecting her to come off of the dating website now that she is in a relationship with me?

[steviej]

No, you're not being unreasonable. I met my gf through a dating site and after a couple of weeks we had a talk about that, turns out we were both on the same page and had already cancelled our accounts.

It would make anyone feel insecure to know their partner is on a dating site enjoying the attention she's getting.
Perhaps a proper conversation with her explaining how it makes you feel is needed, without turning it into an argument or telling her what to do.

[gigigi]

i agree, it's inappropriate for her to be on the site once she is in a relationship. plus i don't really see what would be "fun" about going on a dating site without looking for people to date.

[bcgirl]

Why would she be on a dating website when she is in a "committed" relationship? I too agree that it is inappropriate for her to be subscribing to a dating website. Why would you think it was "fun" to be going on that sort of website....are they in elementary school or something? It's clearly obvious that she still has her doors open for that prince charming to come swipe her off her feet, and unfortunately that prince charming is not you...

[pisces25]

Any girl that goes on a dating site for 'fun' whilst seeing someone is probably insecure and likes the feeling of guys checking her out and/or approving of her. Strokes the ego.

If I was in your shoes I wouldn't want to hang around if she can't properly commit.

[bulrush]

In your post you never said you two were committed or exclusive. So she's probably seeing other guys. She might be waiting for something better, or she might just want to date multiple guys at once. Talk to her about it.

[oldskool83]

if your exclusive its a bad sign, if your not exclusive its more then nuff time to be after 6 month. either way if you want to find out the real truth your gonna have to tell us more.

i had a friend who could never take her profile down online, because if a guy messed up once or she was loney she would go on a date with sum1 else. this could be happening. no one does it for fun, they do it because they want fun.

[bcgirl]

I got an idea if your up for it. Make up a fake account on the online dating site. Post up pics of some random hot guy (but not too hot, because you have to be realistic). Send her account a message like "wow! you are very pretty (smiley face)". Do not ask her "do you have a boyfriend" because it's a no brainer....a person on a dating site is supposedly single. Wait till she replies back.... if she does, then you can keep on playing. See if she flirts with you....if she does, flirt back. If you happen to see her in 'real life', do not blow your cover. After a while of chatting, you can ask her to meet up. If she happens to show up at the destination, then you know she is a total cheater.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

No conversation about feelings necessary. Tell her to cancel her account today or do not bother contacting you anymore. Set a firm boundary and stick to it.


You could also reactivate your account and start looking for other girls too. Send her a wink while you're at it.

[Cerby]

I got an idea if your up for it. Make up a fake account on the online dating site. Post up pics of some random hot guy (but not too hot, because you have to be realistic). Send her account a message like "wow! you are very pretty (smiley face)". Do not ask her "do you have a boyfriend" because it's a no brainer....a person on a dating site is supposedly single. Wait till she replies back.... if she does, then you can keep on playing. See if she flirts with you....if she does, flirt back. If you happen to see her in 'real life', do not blow your cover. After a while of chatting, you can ask her to meet up. If she happens to show up at the destination, then you know she is a total cheater.

Or you can simply not play childish games and deal with it like a man. Bulrush asked the right question "Are you exclusive?" Have you had that talk? You're only just dating until the "talk" where you decide to be exclusive or not. If this hasn't happened, then it needs to.

If you are exclusive and she is still on the site, its a very bad sign.

[bcgirl]

^ haven't you read. He asked her why she re-subscribed on the dating site and she gave him a half assed lie about how her and her girlfriends go on it for "fun". No where in her white lie did she say that she is still testing the waters or that she is wanting to date other men, suggesting that they are exclusive. Now, she is unwilling to be completely honest...and her response as to why she is still on dating sites is very unsettling. It leaves you to become your own detective if you want to figure this one out before you buy her a grand christmas present and invite her to meet your folks on christmas dinner.

[devonbrown]

bcgirl - You said

No where in her white lie did she say that she is still testing the waters or that she is wanting to date other men, suggesting that they are exclusive.

but that does not suggest that they are exclusive at all. It simply suggests that she doesn't want to tell him if she is looking for other guys.

Dating is a competition in many ways, especially online dating. If you don't want the competition any more, you have to have the conversation with her that you would like to be exclusive and committed to each other. And explain that if you are exclusive, you would like her to cancel her membership. If she doesn't, then you know where you stand and I wouldn't confine yourself to dating only her.

Good luck.

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