Online relationship--what should I do?

[FoxBat]

Hey guys, I'm new to this site...but I came here to get a serious answer to my question.
I've been in this online-only relationship with a guy I've known for years. He doesn't live in the same state as me, and we have never met in real life. I just recently turned 18 in April, and he's 20. Here is my problem...

When we first started this relationship, I was head-over heels in love with him. I have no idea how long we've been together, but for at least three years. He's deeply in love with me (he always tells me that he is) and he has a sex drive that's much like a rabbit. Since we don't live anywhere near each other, he figures that he can demand anything he wants from me. And recently, he's worn me down to send him some...racy pictures of myself. I feel stupid for even sending them! The main problem is that my face is in one of them, at least. Now...recently, he's been treating me poorly. After I sent them he's acted a little differently and he's , of course, asked for more.
Now, there is one main thing about this.....I told him about two years ago that I don't like doing the whole naughty pictures. But he kept pressing. I should have ended it there, but I didn't...He expects so much from me and will get angry when I won't do what he wants me to, even though I told him that doing certain things makes me highly uncomfortable. But recently...after I sent the pictures, I've realized that he's probably got loads more from other girls on his computer.
I don't want to be with him anymore...but I really like him as a friend. We're close, even though this is an internet-only deal. We've video-chatted and mic-chatted many times. We're close, to say the least. I would like to start dating people who live where I do, but I still want to be friends with him. I'm afraid of telling him this directly, because he has those pictures of me...With my face in them. I'm terrified he will post these pictures everywhere and it'll ruin me if he does. However, he's been trying to get this sort of stuff since I wasn't legal...but I really don't have any evidence of it.
I've confronted him many times about the pictures, and he said he'd never do anything to exploit me...but I'm unsure.
So I don't know how I should tell him that I would like to see a real person without him flipping out and using the pictures against me...does this make any sense? I'm just trying to figure out if there's any way I can do this without hurting him too much, because I really do like him...

[alwaystryin]

Wow. I'm sorry, but to me this whole thing sounds like you've fallen victim to a predator. I don't blame you for being worried, but I am worried because you're actually afraid to date a physical being because of the hold this man has on you and to me, it sounds like you're being manipulated emotionally. Further, if you feel he may blackmail you, you can add a feeling of being threatened to that. I would seriously consider going to the police. I feel there's a good chance this man could be older than he says.

[FoxBat]

Wow. I'm sorry, but to me this whole thing sounds like you've fallen victim to a predator. I don't blame you for being worried, but I am worried because you're actually afraid to date a physical being because of the hold this man has on you and to me, it sounds like you're being manipulated emotionally. Further, if you feel he may blackmail you, you can add a feeling of being threatened to that. I would seriously consider going to the police. I feel there's a good chance this man could be older than he says.

I was afraid someone would bring this up. I'm not sure if he is, but I'm afraid of hurting him by doing that. :/ And plus, I don't really trust police...

[LdFilip]

oh...this is a really bad situation...from what you wrote before,i can surely tell,that he´s sick minded...want to control...and hes almost completely controlling you...
this is not normal,what he´s doing...and about your feelings to him,i mean that you don´t want to hurt him...is exactly as he planned...

what i suggest is,shake him off at all costs..."try o write it normaly to him,something like that you were thinking about it all,and it´s starting to be weird"...if he´s not insane,he will back off and try to stay at least a friend of you...if not,get all your conversation out from your chat history and be prepared to go to police...(or if you know where he is from and if you have some normal friend from there as well,ask the friend to push on that sick guy a bit...or anybody else can pretend that they are from there and try to do something)

but whatever will you do...shake him off...
something simillar happend to a friend of mine too,it ended up with revealing photos and a some shame,but she is free (with one exception...she was his gf for 4 years and it turn bad after one year,and the rest 3 years she stayed with him only cos of fear that he might do something to her)
....and i can tell you that some photos on fb are less shamefull and bad than being controllod and treated badly by an insane guy...ofc im talking about the worst case scenario,but good friends will understand it.

[vashti]

I don't understand why you'd want to remain friendly with someone who you feel might exploit you. It makes no sense.

I think you should just quit talking to him. Really, you don't even know him, you know what he portrays on the 'net. And yeah, I'd try to forget that you sent those pictures. There isn't a thing you can do about it now, other than learn a hard lesson.

[FoxBat]

It turns out he was nothing but a predator. I broke him off from contact with me, I even changed my cell phone number.
He showed the pictures to at least one person, and the relationship lasted for 4 years...two years ago he got drunk at a party (Mind you he says he's only 20) and lost his virginity to some girl there...

I don't want to be friends with him at all, anymore, and this morning he contacted me and basically thinks that we still can be friends after a while. Which is complete bullshit, because I'm never gonna be able to forgive him. I'm okay, though, just hurt...When does this go away? I feel 110% better now that I'm officially single...The reason I didn't want to start dating people when I was 'with' him was because I just couldn't cheat on someone, despite the kind of relationship.
After I told him I knew he showed the pictures to someone (She told me) I just asked when he showed them to her. He signed out. I told him he better get his cowardly ass back online...He's still a coward...And then I started a voice chat session with him and my mother standing behind me. She supported me, and she told me that the same thing happened to her, except it wasn't the internet...And I learned my lesson. I gave him the reasons I didn't want to give him the pictures in the first place, and he said himself that he confirmed my fears. All he kept saying was "I'm so sorry, I can't repent for this." What a loser...
All of you were right... Thanks so much for the help!

[alwaystryin]

Way to go girl. Glad you stood up to him and glad you told your mom. Be more careful next time, the internet is such a perfect place for predators. You've just gained yourself a bit o wisdom

[MerryH]

I'm glad you broke up with him and that you're not going to be friends with him anymore, but maybe you shouldn't make your anger so obvious. I almost hate that I'm suggesting this, because you're absolutely right to be angry and you want to let him know it. I'm not saying that you should coddle someone who is so undeserving of it, but maybe don't call him names and stuff. Don't prod him into being upset at you and retaliating. Possibly hint at a future friendship, even. Just tell him that you'd really appreciate it if he deleted all photos of you, and that you need to be away from him now so please don't contact you at all but maybe in the future you guys can be friends.

And then seriously never talk to him again. He's not a good one.

[bcgirl]

it's very easy for someone to portray a fake charming character in cyber world. It's a totally different world where you can pretend to be whoever you want to be. You can pretend to love a girl, tell her things she wants to hear so you can get her to send racy photos of her. It would be a lot harder to get away with it in the real world. Whatever you do, don't send anymore racy pics to him. You don't feel comfortable, then don't do it. Why would you want him as a friend anyways? He is treating you poorly and you want to date other people. There is really no need to be friends, since there is no intent to ever meet face to face. Why not make up some story that you are very sick and have a few months to live..... after a few month you are dead. Never contact him again. He will actually think you died, he will feel guilty and wouldn't have the heart to show your racy pics to anyone. Case closed.

[alwaystryin]

MerryH, I've read and agree with many of your posts. But not this one. Being angry and standing up for herself is EXACTLY what she needs to do. Consider also that she has the support of her mom. This guy is a PREDATOR. As a matter of fact I hope he knew her mom was standing there with her. The fact that he signed off the second he realized she was wise to him now is all the more proof. I would have gone as far as to say my mom's here and she thinks I should call the police. People like him hide for a reason. He signed off with his tail between his legs and he needs to keep running. The sad thing is he's probably doing the same and will continue to do so with other girls.

[MerryH]

MerryH, I've read and agree with many of your posts. But not this one. Being angry and standing up for herself is EXACTLY what she needs to do.

Thanks. I figured people would disagree with me on this.

I agree that she should stand up for herself. And she can do that by just excusing herself from the situation, without any major drama, fights, or altercations. Completely removing a toxic person from your life IS standing up for yourself. I know it's tempting to let him know exactly what a piece of shit he is and to make him pay or whatever, but is that going to benefit the OP in the long run? No. It will temporarily make her feel better, while giving him a reason to retaliate. I just don't think it's worth it, in this case.

I'm not sure what you think the police can/will do in this situation. Has he done something illegal so far?

[LdFilip]

Im so glad to hear that...and i admire you cos you found a courage to stand up and fight...well done

[alwaystryin]

To me it's the fact that he claims to be so young, yet was skilled enough to control her, manipulate her into sending him pictures and had her living in a state of fear of his anger, retaliation, blackmail, etc..

He has done something illegal if he lied about his age which I feel wouldn't be such a far fetched assumption. I suppose if something he's done or communicated to her could be considered threatening or harassing (like what did he do/ say when he got 'very angry' with her..), the authorities in his area could look into it at LEAST as far as obtaining his DOB.

[LdFilip]

MerryH, I've read and agree with many of your posts. But not this one. Being angry and standing up for herself is EXACTLY what she needs to do. Consider also that she has the support of her mom. This guy is a PREDATOR. As a matter of fact I hope he knew her mom was standing there with her. The fact that he signed off the second he realized she was wise to him now is all the more proof. I would have gone as far as to say my mom's here and she thinks I should call the police. People like him hide for a reason. He signed off with his tail between his legs and he needs to keep running. The sad thing is he's probably doing the same and will continue to do so with other girls.

yea,most probably,he will continue with it...i hate so much such low life scum like he is...maybe it will sound rough,but such people dont deserve to live -.-