He lives in the USA i live in Australia...

[ladyluck]

HI,

My boyfriend lives in the USA and i live in Australia. I have flown over twice to see him this year and both times it has ended in us breaking up and me flying home early... then regretting it.
When i am in the states we have 1 small argument which results in him ignoring me for days and i get upset and make the rash decision to leave. My question is why is it so hard for him to talk to me, why does he have to ignore me. I feel so hurt flying around the world spending a fortune to have him ignore me. everytime i bring this up he says i am "attacking" him.
I do so much for this man, i have given up my life for the past year to save to see him, i have helped him finacially in so many ways and he treats me like i dont exist. I know he loves me, i just dont understand why he finds running away then reaching out to me again a few months later then trying to work through our problems.

Do i give it 1 more shot or do i just move on (easier said than done)

[Marioneta]

Hi! I will write about my situation because it reminds me yours. So, maybe you have an answer to the problem you face. maybe not. But it could be that way.

I am in a long distance relationship, however not SO distant, we live in the same country but different towns. I also experience this ignoring attitude every now and then and I have talked to him about it. He said that he is so used to being "alone" that he has difficulty turning it around and be with someone 100% of the time when we meet. He needed some space everytime he would come and visit because it gets too much of "together". I said that this is not normal, he was supposed to want to be with me and make up for all thist ime that we weren't together. He aknowledged that his attitude does not seem normal, but it's because of the distance. I realised that when he was on vacation and spent a whole summer with me at my town, he was very different and not at all distant or ignoring me. We got used to the presence of the other, and we felt like it didn't matter whether we would have a nice day doing funny things or not. We were comfortable with each other. Whereas when we see each other for a couple of days after 2 weeks, it feels that we MUST do something special and be funny and "perfect". And this some times stresses us when we, for example, have a bad day that happens to be when we are together. And it results to the ignoring attitude. I can understand where he's coming from, because I some times feel the same way, but I'm not so sensitive emotionally as him so I can press myself more and try to be with him even though I might feel crap or tired and rather do something else, like reading a book or something. And also I try to tell him that we should be comfortable with each other, no matter how we are or feel. He shouldn't get stressed. We can just lie down if we're tired, but still have a moment together. We can watch a film etc. He has been better ever since, because we fought about it quite a lot some months ago.

So maybe this is the reason why he is ignoring you when you are together but still wants to be with you? Maybe have a serious discussion with him, and tell him where you're limits are when it comes to this.

[Cerby]

No, you don't waste another second of time on this guy. You fly half way around the world to see him, you have a little quarrel and end up going home early?

Screw him, not worth it. And honestly, why did you even go over a second time, you should have just broken up with him. The fact he didn't try to stop you leaving early is enough indication about the douchebag he is.

[Boisdevie]

Look, you live half the world apart. How the hell do you expect it to work?

[Wakeup]

HI,

My boyfriend lives in the USA and i live in Australia. I have flown over twice to see him this year and both times it has ended in us breaking up and me flying home early... then regretting it.

How lovely.

When i am in the states we have 1 small argument which results in him ignoring me for days and i get upset and make the rash decision to leave.

Wow you fly all that way and you spend all that money and he treats you like an option. You can't even be with one another long enough to appreciate one another after a long absence. Sounds like a crappy "relationship."

My question is why is it so hard for him to talk to me, why does he have to ignore me. I feel so hurt flying around the world spending a fortune to have him ignore me. everytime i bring this up he says i am "attacking" him.

It's hard for him to talk to you because he doesn't care about you or maintaining the relationship enough to make any sort of effort. I suspect he likes the sex (when you don't talk or make any demands though) and your money and what you can give him of course.

I do so much for this man, i have given up my life for the past year to save to see him, i have helped him finacially in so many ways and he treats me like i dont exist.

Why do you bother? What does he give you that makes you want to keep trying? You've not said ONE good thing about him. How desperate are you to keep doing this?

I know he loves me,

I don't know how you know that. Care to share why you think he does?

I just dont understand why he finds running away then reaching out to me again a few months later then trying to work through our problems.

Does he reach out again when he needs more money or when he hasn't had sex in a while or he wants you to do something for HIM.

I'm sorry for pointing out all the horribleness that consists of your relationship but I did it becuase you're too blind to see the forest for the trees. Ask yourself what good you get out of all this. (sex doesn't count).

Do i give it 1 more shot or do i just move on (easier said than done)

You know the answer to that.

[Saya]

Maybe that's the way he always try to deal with arguments/fights...
He just being really stubborn and immature... if you want this to work then, he needs to able to communicate a lot better than this.
Also, you two are having long-distance relationship, which requires good communication/good understanding of each other or it will not work.
When you two have arguments/fights, what do you usually fight/argument? Is it the same thing over and over again or different things?
I don't think that he is putting that much of effort in the relationship and your trying too hard.
If he loves you that much then, ask him to save up money and tell him to see you in AU since you've been to US twice already.

[ladyluck]

Geez wakeup... at first i thought you're reply was harsh... then i thought about everything you said and you are 100% right.
I think i am in love with the idea of having this amazing romance with a beautiful man from another country and everytime i get there its just not right. I sometimes think, do i expect to much?
But you are right, he only reaches out when he needs money, when his cell phone bill is late, he cant pay his rent. I always make excuses for this, but its a really unattractive quality to be 30 years old and not be able to take care of yourself.

Thank you again for the "wake up"

[Wakeup]

Geez wakeup... at first i thought you're reply was harsh... then i thought about everything you said and you are 100% right.
I think i am in love with the idea of having this amazing romance with a beautiful man from another country and everytime i get there its just not right. I sometimes think, do i expect to much?
But you are right, he only reaches out when he needs money, when his cell phone bill is late, he cant pay his rent. I always make excuses for this, but its a really unattractive quality to be 30 years old and not be able to take care of yourself.

Thank you again for the "wake up"

You're welcome .
So tell us, what will you do now?

[ladyluck]

I'll start with paying off my huge credit card debt that 2 trips to the USA in the last 6 months has cost me! other than that, i really dont know!
Hopefully i'll meet a man that.. heaven forbid.. might take me out for dinner for a change!

[MaidenMinx]

Honey, there are still some good early 30s single guys here in Aus. You don't need to waste money on a jerk on the other side of the planet.

[Superfantastich]

even if it did work between you two who would end up moving?

[ladyluck]

I would have ended up moving to the USA. I have always loved it over there.
Its so hard, i know its all wrong but i still am very much in Love with him and i have been for so long.