He pursues you then breaks your heart!!!

[court99]

So 5 months ago I met this guy, he was lovely and nice and we immediately hit it off. He had recently gotten out of a 2 year relationship and I wasn't ready for a relationship. However he pursued me and I played ‘hard to get’ but after a month things settled and we both enjoyed seeing each other and taking things seriously.

3 months into it, I questioned if we were anything and where he wanted to be. He randomly turns around and told me that he was still hooking up and didn't want anything to serious. I was devastated. Then after this conversation he pursued me NON STOP apologising, saying he wanted me still and not to leave etc..so I stayed. Then about a month and a half later we started not talking as much, he wouldn't reply at times and I felt like I was iniciating catch ups etc…then he said one day “I hope I am not holding you back from seeing others” . He said he was working full time up until xmas and didn't want to let me down if he couldn't see me. He told me to wait till the end of the year and we can see how our feelings are. I jumped the gun and said that if he doesn't want anything more with me then we can’t keep pursuing this, its unnatural.

He accepted that, I got upset and we argued for the next 2 days and then nothing…he randomly texted me and now a month on we occasionally talk.

A month later now..i still really miss him and don't understand why I cant shake this.

Did he really want me to wait till xmas to see if he wants a relationship – or was that his way out/ letting me down easy?

Did he ever have feelings for me? or was i a rebound for his 2 year relationship

What should I do! Be honest...because i am still vunerable and want to be back with im. If i contact him at the end of the year...what signal will that give him?

[Wakeup]

“I hope I am not holding you back from seeing others” .

Any man who wanted to have more than just a casual sexual relationship with you would never tell you that. That was is ambiguous way of telling you that he realises that you have more feelings for him than he had for you and he was trying his best to not look like a bad guy for just wanting hook ups and nothing more.

Did he ever have feelings for me? or was i a rebound for his 2 year relationship

Obviously he was fond of you and enjoyed your company occassionally, but he didn't love you enough to want to be your life mate or he'd be courting you like he wanted you in his life. As you know he wasn't doing that so that gives you your answer without doubt.

What should I do! Be honest...because i am still vunerable and want to be back with him.

Stop hoping and wishing and anticipating/expecting your wants and needs are going to be met by this man. Men who love you do not go months without contact. He was honest with you and told you that he didn't want anything serious and his actions matched his words.

I'm sorry you're hurting but you really should begin the process of accepting that you are better off without him in your life and you will be able to move him out of your head for good which will leave you open to finding actual love with someone who reciprocates your feelings.

If i contact him at the end of the year...what signal will that give him?

Well, he's already told you that he doesn't want anything serious. If you contact him then you'll be telling him that you're okay with being his ****-buddy. Which, you obviously are not or this thread wouldn't exist. Don't settle for being that to him when you want more... it will steal your joy one sex session at a time.

My advice: Don't call him. If he contacts you and wants you for more than a sex buddy make sure he proves that to you before you go to bed with him again and once again confuse your lust for love and set up your reconciliation for yet another sexual only union. Don't anticipate his return though.. just get on with your life without him in it.

[oldskool83]

You cant shake it cuz you were hoping for more and getting attached. Next time id ask sooner or up front what they might really want.