Im not sure what to do anymore

[lunderscoreids]

The basic run down of this situation is ive been with him for 2 years, we broke up in june, and were still "together" yet he hasent asked me back out. He has depression, its clearly obvious he isent happy with his life, even though he got into nursing school 2 years early for next semester.

We talked last night, and i feel that he doesnt want to work on this anymore. Its been said that if i didnt ask or make plans to come and see him that he wouldnt. Which out of his mouth, he said "well, there are times when im going to want to just be alone, not see you or anything". Which is completely fine, but im the one who always makes plans, not him. He doesnt make the effort to come and see me. We both arent as happy as we should be, which we both know it, i want it to work, and he says he does. But how do you say that you want something to work and not put any effort into it working?

I basically feel that he doesnt want to be in this like he says he does, he doesnt put as much effort in as i would like to see. Im stuck in a rut. He doesnt talk to me about his life, i know something is bothering him but i really have no idea what it is, other than my thoughts.

I guess im just asking what would you do?

[bulrush]

Sounds like his depression is untreated, or his meds aren't working. I have depression. It took me about 5-6 years to find the right meds. When I did I felt like a new man. I had more energy, I was more positive, and I was so happy I just felt normal. I think the first thing he should do is get on the right meds. Try lithium. It's cheap, generic, a chemical element the brain needs, and it's effective. No side effects like all these new meds. What is he taking now?

When I wasn't on the right meds, I still felt tired a lot, and very unmotivated to do much of anything. This sounds like his problem. He knows you are a good person, but he has an illness that saps his motivation. Try to understand, this is not the "real him".

I think there might be a blood test for low lithium. Also have his vitamin D checked in his blood. I'm also on 4000iu of Vitamin D each morning, and that has made a difference also.

[smackie9]

His problem is not your problem. If he is not willing to help himself seek out better ways to treat this depression he has, then you may want to just get out of this relationship. I grew up with a manic mother and grandmother, so I am no stranger to depression. My grandmothers depression was so bad they gave her electroshock treatments, that later traumatized her for years. You can't force them to seek treatment, they will just drag their heels because of lack of motivation ( like the OP said) or complete denial their problem is the cause of most of this issues in the relationship.

So you can make effort with the OP suggestions to see if there can be any improvement, but if not, don't put your life on hold for his....this will be a life long struggle for him and for the people around him.

Tip: depression doesn't always has to be the culprit for someone not wanting to put effort into a relationship. Sometimes a relationship will just run out of steam and expire, because of changes in goals, career, priorities, or just boredom....falling out of love. Sometimes it's just best to move on.