I miss him?

[Veerebby]

I split up with my ex a month ago. It was a pretty rough break up and we both haven't spoken in about 3 weeks now. I was upset at first and then after a week or so I was perfectly fine, back to my normal self. I then later found out a few things through friends that he was doing that pretty much killed every inch of feelings I had for him. I despise him, and I think if I honestly saw him I would turn the other cheek as if he never existed. However, the past day or so I've started thinking about him and miss him? Why is this happening when my life is SOOO much better without him involved? I've finally been able to reconnect with all my friends he chased away, and have been seeing a really great guy. Do I actually miss him or just the thought of having him?

[Drumzzz]

it really is possible you miss him...
i know the feeling, you know it's bad for you but you just can't help it
all i can say at this moment is you have to give it time
time heals everything
and it's true
it'll hurt like hell, but at least you have friends and that other guy
imagine what it would be like if you had nobody and try to pull strength from that
i'm not saying you have to sit in your couch and wait for it to pass by
do things with that guy or with your friends that make you feel better
meanwhile time will pass but eventually, you'll see you made it through

[Sweet Lemon]

Veerebby,

Our bodies naturally build up something called oxytocin when we are close with someone. Even if that person has done the most horrible things behind your back it can sometimes take a really long time for your body to get over the withdrawal (up to two years in some people) this is why people sometimes rebound straight into another relationship because they can't handle the emotions of a break up as well as the withdrawal of oxytocin.

I had an ex a few years back in London that screwed around behind my back like a dirty dog. When I left his sorry ass and returned home to Sydney I missed that dipshit so much I was almost going to jump on a plane and fly back to him. Thankfully I didn't!

Just keep telling yourself 'this is my body being a douche bag and not me actually missing him' You'll get through it trust me

~Lemon

[Veerebby]

Thanks. I've been trying to keep myself busy but for some reason he just keeps popping up in my head. I'm sure he's long forgot about me by now, and I thought I did too until lately.

[devonbrown]

You have memories of being with him that are not bad memories. For some reason, your brain focused on those positive memories at this point. They don't really mean anything, just that you can look back on good times positively. It is a good thing.

Don't worry about it and just keep looking forward.

Good luck.

[bulrush]

I think you miss the idea of being emotionally close to someone, anyone, and since you know him, and he is familiar, you are gravitating back to him. Don't do it. Use your head to make big decisions like these, not your heart. Allow your heart to fill with love ONLY after you know he is a good guy.

[malteser]

Totally agree with what bulrush said.

[Veerebby]

I think some of it is because we were really good friends before we started dating, and he was there for me through a lot of rough things. But at the same time that just makes me angry knowing he could deal with things like that when they didn't involve him, but when he and I hit a rough spot he bailed. I know I should just let everything be, but it's been so hard not to just call him up.

[Drumzzz]

want to know a trick for that?
delete his number, tell your best friend so he/she can make sure you don't try to get it back ...

worked for me in the past

[Veerebby]

I deleted his number immediately after we split up, he's blocked in Facebook and the only time we've spoken was through email to get my things back which he happened to forget the first time. It also makes it hard because he lives about 2 minutes from me and we saw each other at the grocery store in the parkinglot
I thought all this would go away after a day or two. Not this time apparently

[Drumzzz]

if you can't take it anymore just confront him
he'll probably act like such an ass, you'll never want to see him again

[Veerebby]

Honestly, I think if we saw each other he wouldn't even be a jerk to me. I saw him three weeks ago and he was all hugging me/touching my hand etc, wanted to talk about things. Made plans to see me the next weekend, saw me and then asked to see me the next day and when I told him I could and for him to pick a time I got an email saying we shouldn't talk anymore. We haven't talked since. It would be SO much easier if he hated me or gave me a reason to hate him.

[jschenone]

Sorry You just have to give yourself some time to develop yourself again. Do things you love to do, keep your mind occupied, hang out with friends... etc. Just keep busy and keep your mind off him. If you really loved him, you'll probably always miss him, but at least the pain won't be as bad.

As for running into him at the grocery store... idk what to say about that except to just act like he isn't there.

Would it be better if you guys had a real conversation and actually put a cap on the break up? Maybe it would help you feel better if you made ends meet.

[Veerebby]

We did actually talk about it about 3 weekends ago. We talked about pretty much everything and just kind of decided we both needed time to ourselves and that maybe down the road our paths will meet again. I felt so much better after that and felt like I was moving forward, until these past few days. It's always in the back of my mind. I've been spending a lot of time with friends, going out.. all the things I did before I met him and there's ALWAYS something that makes him pop back into my head. I don't understand why I'm having such a horrible time moving on from this guy when I dated my daughter's father for 2 years AND we have a child together and I was upset for a month at the most. Blows my mind.