How to give a man the thrill of the chase, after its been a while?

[am76]

So, after a year and some change, it seems pretty obvious to me that my live in boyfriend isn't as interested as he used to be...

There is no more flirting, no fun, random texts.. No affection gets showed to me.. No spontanious sex, or random unexpected kiss.. No compliments..

I've gone into depth and listed specifics, poured my heart out numerous times, and nothing has changed. The only reassuring thing lately is that I do think he is the type to up and leave if he isn't happy, but he is still here with me. But with that being the only thing I have to go on, I'm hurting more and more recently.

I think what initially attracted him to me were my looks. He has a thing for tattooed women, dark hair, with a different look. Thats me.. Sleeves, dark hair, a couple small piercings.. We met on an online dating site, and it took me a few weeks to actually go out on a date with him. In a way like he had to chase me. When we met I was a bartender some nights (still had a full time day job but did that for extra money). I think he liked seeing the guys hit on me knowing that I was his. If we went out, he ALWAYS grabbed my hand walking into a place. He said it was his way of showing me off. I don't see any of that anymore.

He moved here from across the country, and only knows the people he works with. I lost almost all of my friends through a bad break up with my ex, and the ones that I did keep are just as busy as me with kids, school, work, etc. So we never go out alone, or go out with friends.

Its gotten boring, routine, and I'm desperately searching for a way to make him crave me again. I've tried outfits, sexual things that I don't do often, pictures during the day, making sure he always knows how attracted to him, I am. I have suggested a stranger at the bar meets girl at the bar type of roleplay although we haven't done it yet. He seemed game to do it but didnt sound overly excited or anything.

I've read to make yourself a little more unavailable. That if a man knows you will always be there at his beck and call, its not as exciting. This is a little hard for me since we live together... But I thought about maybe bartending again. Maybe he would miss me a little more while I was gone, and maybe he would get that sense of attraction back knowing other men thought I was attractive, but I'm his.

I feel like a rambling, jumbled idiot thinking of all these little pety ways to get my boyfriend excited about me again, but I feel like nothing else has worked... I should also point out, that I lack confidence. I try REALLY hard not to let that show. But I'm not the bold "I don't give a ****, **** with me and I'll break your face" type. (Although his ex was, and I'm pretty sure that MORE than did it for him, and they might have had something good if she didn't **** every penis that crossed her path). I know that confidence is sexy, and I'm trying to let that show... I also want to point out that because we are lacking intimacy does NOT mean he is a bad guy. He has been the best person I've ever met, and he means the world to me. He does right by me, and I have nothing bad to say about him other than we are just lacking excitement.

Any tips, tricks, advise, or just kind words would really be a big help to me. Thank you in advance

[bulrush]

So, after a year and some change, it seems pretty obvious to me that my live in boyfriend isn't as interested as he used to be...

There is no more flirting, no fun, random texts.. No affection gets showed to me.. No spontanious sex, or random unexpected kiss.. No compliments..

Its gotten boring, routine, and I'm desperately searching for a way to make him crave me again. I've tried outfits, sexual things that I don't do often, pictures during the day, making sure he always knows how attracted to him, I am. I have suggested a stranger at the bar meets girl at the bar type of roleplay although we haven't done it yet. He seemed game to do it but didnt sound overly excited or anything.

Sounds like you are trying to communicate how important the little things are, and he isn't responding. I don't think he "gets it" for some reason. He really should make an effort. You said he's nice, but does he seem immature to you, or just a bit dense?

I've gone into depth and listed specifics, poured my heart out numerous times, and nothing has changed.

Can you tell me exactly what you said to him? Guys will often turn their brain off if the woman sounds like she is nagging. Your answer will tell me if there's anything you can do on your end, with communication. Or if he's just dense.

[am76]

I already know it sounds like I'm nagging to him. In his eyes he wants me to make everything simple. He wants me to say exactly what I want, when I want it, so there is no room to question.

I've told him that he never compliments me, he never shows me affection like he did when we were first together. He is never random, spontanious or suggestive. And its always excuses... "We can't be random cause of the kids" "What, do you want me to just make out with you in front of the kids and our roommates?" "If I tell you your pretty all the time, you'll stop believing it. I gotta keep you on your toes"

I will ask him to plan a date for us, and something always falls through. I am basically BEGGING for him to not just SAY he loves me, but to show me something, anything. And I can't get him to understand with words. I want to give him a taste of his own medicine in a way. I want a little bit of harmless jealousy, I want him to get back what attracted him to me in the first place.

[>brando.]

i have been in the same boat with girlfriends in the past and over the years i have come to see that communication is the key . tell your boyfriend how you feel about this..DO NOT make him chase you, this could work , however there is a chance it will make him resent you , even if just a while this is bad . i would first talk to him about how you feel . then if that dont work i think you should make the effort on the thingsyou listed, guys love nothing more that their woman to act as if they just met. when he comes home be in sexy lingure and tell him soething nasty u wana do to his u hoo . lol. if this dosent make him return the effort then he aint worth it .