Should I break up with my girlfriend?

[hdfhfdhdfffd]

It's a very complicated situation... I'm 22, she's 20, we've been together for about 5 months. She's my first real gf, so that probably makes things even harder for me. I don't know if I love her. I think I do, but than again, it could just be that I'm turned on. When I think about breaking up, I don't know how I could cope with never seeing her again, but then again, it just could be that I got used to her (we spend a lot of time together). Now I think that if we break up, I'll remember her in 10 or 20 years and think, "what if I was still with her". I know I'll probably get over her after some time, but now it doesn't look that way.

The thing is, we talk about getting married. I know we're to young and aren't together long enough, but there definitely is something more between us (I really think so), that makes my situation even harder. And not just in gf/bf (sex) way, she's also my best friend. We could spent hours together just talking, or walking, or stuff like that. I really enjoy her company.

But here come my problems. I'm really turned on by sexy clothing, and she doesn't wanna wear it (she does sometimes, but not often enough for me). It's not just normal "I like girls dressed nicely", it's really extreme. If I was single, I'd rather have an ugly gf who dresses sexy then a really pretty one who dresses ugly. And I don't ask her to dress whorish, just normal girls clothes, like high heels, skirts... I honestly don't see what the big deal is, if she said to me something like "I like when guys wear white shirts", I'd wear white shirt almost every time I'm with her, so I don't understand why she makes a big deal (she dresses the way I like once or twice a month).

Here's more about that from my other thread, if you wanna read the details:

I know it's a long question, if you don't wanna read it all, read just first two paragraphs, everything is explained there, later are details (which would also be good if you read, but it's not essential). Anyway, I'm in a relationship and most of the stuff is great, we can talk a lot, have a lot of common interests etc.

But the problem is, she doesn't turn me on. I mean, she does, but she doesn't, it's hard to describe. When we kiss and have sex and stuff like that, that is great. But I have a few fetishes on clothes (especially high heels and miniskirts), and she won't do it. It's not never, she wears it sometimes, but not as often as I'd like (and I'd like heels at least once a week and skirts once a month).

And when we go out, I feel much much nicer and everything is better to me if she is wearing stuff like that. But I can't describe it to her how much i want that, because as soon as I start, she says something like "you don't love me for who I am", which is not true, because if I didn't love her, I'd already break up with her and look for a girl who dresses better.

But still, no matter how much I love her, I just can't help myself and fix my fetishes, they're very strong and won't go. For example, if I was single, I'd rather be with an ugly girl who dresses sexy, then with very pretty girl who dresses badly.

And my girlfriend is pretty, and most of the stuff is great, it's just that she won't dress sexy as much as I'd want her to. And I don't ask her to dress whorish, like very short skirts or to show thong or stuff like that, just decent but sexy, some normal heels and skirt, not to short.

What also makes me feel very bad is when she goes out with her (girl) friends and dresses the way I like (but I'm not with her). Then I almost feel like she's cheating on my (only not with other guys but with clothes).

I thought about letting it go for a while and see if she'll change on her own, but I can't. Last time she wore heels was about a week ago and she'll wear it again probably in one week, so it's two weeks I won't see her in heels and I feel like it's the end of the world, I just can't wait that long. And to make things even worse, she will go out with her friends tonight and she'll dress sexy (she told me) and now I feel like she is cheating on me and I have to wait one week for things to be right again. We will probably go out tomorrow, so I thought of telling her something like "if you could dress that way today, you can also do it tomorrow for me", what do you think?

So anyway, I don't know should I break up and look for a girl who will dress better or stay with her.
I'm not really talkative and not very comfortable around girls, so I might have problem finding a new one (I met this one online). So then I think, at least now I sometimes get what I like, if I was single, I would get it never, what if i break up and can't find a new gf for another year or two, so better to stay with her and be happy with what I get. But then again, I could met a perfect girl in two weeks, so maybe I should break up.
Then again, what if I meet a girl who dresses perfectly, but in two months that stuff (clothes) stops being so important to me and other that that, the new girl is nothing special, so I realize I left great girl for a stupid reason.

I just don't know what to do. In one hand, I love her (I think so), and I don't wanna ever lose her, but on the other hand, I just wanna have some fun and be turned on by a girl who will dress really sexy.

[MaidenMinx]

You say she dresses up to go out with her girl friends, does she dress nicely when you and her go out somewhere nice? If so, take her more nice places.

[Cerby]

After reading this, I can tell you definitely you're not in love with her, or even close. You talk about marriage because its your first relationship, not because there is "more" there.

You're talking about not being able to get laid if you dump her, so you're pretty much staying with her because you'd rather sleep with someone who you're ok with over no one at all. Also, you're considering leaving her because she doesn't dress sexy enough? You'd rather date a butch girl that dresses hot than her dressing normal?

Quit fooling yourself, you don't want this relationship, you're just afraid that if you leave it you might never find anyone again, which ISN'T true. Dating gets easier the older you get.

Break it off, if not for you, for her, and move on to find someone who you might actually love.

[hdfhfdhdfffd]

You say she dresses up to go out with her girl friends, does she dress nicely when you and her go out somewhere nice? If so, take her more nice places.

I would, but she doesn't wanna go often enough


@Cerby...

Thanx, there is something to your words, but still, you're not 100% right.

For example, if someone now offered me a new gf who will dress the way I like, and looks similar to my gf (not prettier, not uglier), I honestly don't know what I would do... ok, I know that if I really deeply loved my gf, I'd say no right away... but still, we get along really well, I like her, her company, many things about her... even though maybe I don't truly love her now, maybe my feelings can become more real after I grow out of my "sexy clothes" phase. And even if not, isn't 99% of relationships between young people nowadays based on sex, and not on feelings?

And you're correct that I'm afraid if I break up with her, I won't get laid for some time... I know eventually I will, but I might wait for a year or two (the again, I could get laid next week, I really can't know). But even bigger reason why I don't wanna break up with her is because I got really attached to her, I really can't imagine how would I feel without her. I know that maybe isn't true love, more a habit, but still... I talked to my friend, he said he's with her gf just to get laid and he is getting bored, so he'll probably break up with her soon. But for me, it's not like that, I'd miss her company a lot more then her va**na. Things would be so much simpler if we could stay friends after, but I know that's really hard...

[Kaius]

Break up. You don't love her as much as you think you do. This relationship won't go anywhere with your preferences.
Just cut her lose while it's still a new relationship. Why waste time on something that is going to end anyway?
It's obvious that you two have different likes and dislikes.

[Cerby]

I would, but she doesn't wanna go often enough
For example, if someone now offered me a new gf who will dress the way I like, and looks similar to my gf (not prettier, not uglier), I honestly don't know what I would do... ok, I know that if I really deeply loved my gf, I'd say no right away... but still, we get along really well, I like her, her company, many things about her... even though maybe I don't truly love her now, maybe my feelings can become more real after I grow out of my "sexy clothes" phase.

You won't grow out of this phase, what you find sexually attractive now you'll still find attractive later. I still find lingerie absolutely delicious and I have since I can remember.

And even if not, isn't 99% of relationships between young people nowadays based on sex, and not on feelings?

Please put some facts behind those stats, I believe you're about 80% wrong, most people actually seek meaningful relationships, even in their early 20s.

And you're correct that I'm afraid if I break up with her, I won't get laid for some time... I know eventually I will, but I might wait for a year or two (the again, I could get laid next week, I really can't know). But even bigger reason why I don't wanna break up with her is because I got really attached to her, I really can't imagine how would I feel without her. I know that maybe isn't true love, more a habit, but still... I talked to my friend, he said he's with her gf just to get laid and he is getting bored, so he'll probably break up with her soon. But for me, it's not like that, I'd miss her company a lot more then her va**na. Things would be so much simpler if we could stay friends after, but I know that's really hard...

This is called co-dependance, you're with her because you can't imagine your life without her. Nasty little habit these inescurities can become.

[ices]

From the outside, it appears that neither of you really love each other, but are remaining together for convenience. She won't do what you want, so you have wandering eyes. Fine, cut your losses now before both of you are hurt really badly. Convenience is not a basis for a relationship. If you love someone, it is unconditional. They may have traits that you don't like, but because of the love you feel, you accept the good with the bad.

[bulrush]

She's my first real gf, so that probably makes things even harder for me.

You are correct. The more breakups you experience, the more clear your decisions will be because you won't be distracted by too much emotion. My first breakup was very hard for me.

Now I think that if we break up, I'll remember her in 10 or 20 years and think, "what if I was still with her".

I still remember my "first love". She was very nice, but we still were not compatible enough. We never would have worked out in the long run. But I enjoyed my time with her and have nice memories of her. We broke up as friends.

The thing is, we talk about getting married.

Please seriously consider Bulrush's Rules for Marriage:

1. Do not get married until you have dated 10 people.
2. Do not get married before age 25.

I'm really turned on by sexy clothing, and she doesn't wanna wear it

This is a MAJOR red flag. You are more sexual than she is. If you stay together you will fight about this a LOT.

If you have a true fetish, you should find a girl that will help you with that.

[anonymousposter]

You are correct. The more breakups you experience, the more clear your decisions will be because you won't be distracted by too much emotion. My first breakup was very hard for me.


I still remember my "first love". She was very nice, but we still were not compatible enough. We never would have worked out in the long run. But I enjoyed my time with her and have nice memories of her. We broke up as friends.


Please seriously consider Bulrush's Rules for Marriage:

1. Do not get married until you have dated 10 people.
2. Do not get married before age 25.

This is a MAJOR red flag. You are more sexual than she is. If you stay together you will fight about this a LOT.

If you have a true fetish, you should find a girl that will help you with that.

This, minus the "dated 10 people" rule unless you mean "went on dates with 10 people" then that's fair.