Does Busy always mean rejection?

[toshiba]

Perhaps she avoided me when we ran into each other because she felt like i avoided her right after class by exiting the building before she was even out of the staircase. i timed it horribly

I remember trying that... linger a little while packing up in hopes she will say something as she walks by on the way out. In hindsight that is weak, either wait for her and speak to her directly, or just leave the room.

and needlessly apologizing for things that really at not a problem, you will get nowhere with this girl or any other girl..

I don't think he really cared about apologising, just wanted an excuse to try to stirr up conversation, I have done similar.

Alright guys, got a response AND a friend request. She said not to worry, that that day is busy for her and can go either way with being free after class, and that she would love to chat. Boom!

Don't get too excited about a friend request, in my limited FB experience EVERYONE makes EVERYONE A friend, more the merrier.

As I see it , the ONLY thing you can do is ask her out on a date.


To the rest of the forum, would it be acceptable for him to message her back something like... "that sounds great [chatting], how about over dinner, i'd like to take you out" ? I know that is pussified over the Internets, but may be good considering the level of lingering (and shyness, been there too) we have here.

[smackie9]

You are not getting what message I'm putting out there. The needless apologizing is a bad habit driven by his insecurity, not an excuse to interact with someone.

[datinglov]

Smackie, I appreciate your frankness, please keep it coming, I mean that.

You are correct in calling me out for a lack of confidence. I totally have a lack of confidence! It's funny, cause I know I have enough to offer any girl, but what saps my confidence is the fear of imposition and making girls uncomfortable. I have been told by every single one of my friends (many of whom I personally consider attractive) that I am hot, but that is not enough to help me get over my real fear that's driving everything else: my fear of making the girl uncomfortable.

I will stand up for myself though too if that's ok I don't regret this fb thing. I didn't at all apologize, since I clearly caught her so off guard that she babbled funnily, I just said it wasn't my intent to put her on the spot, and that I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable. This is not a statement of regret, but of friendliness. Now we have a new route of communication, and if she isn't just being polite (which the confidence you suggest I pick up would tell me she means it), then she would love to talk as well.

I definitely can take it from here by myself... but I've found the best course of action is to brainstorm ideas And I definitely am too insecure, I hate it!

As for being "pussified" (careful, we're in the ask a female section, and there shouldn't be negative stigmas attached to vaginas!) b/c of the internet, my plan was actually not to respond further and to just talk to her again after class now that i know she would like that and be friendly. Maybe at the end again I can say in understanding that I know she's busy, and ask what she's doing, and then i would even feel comfortable suggesting an alternative date b/c of her response to that fb thing.

[smackie9]

Dude just relax and well, try not caring what the girl is thinking. Put that out of your mind by turning your thoughts to something else like football scores or what you plan on doing on the weekend.Time to shut off those anxious thoughts.

[datinglov]

she said yes guys! i asked her if she wanted to hang this weekend and she said sure! and then i said cool, well we are friends on facebook now so i will message you! and then we shook hands and smiled at each other, and went our own way.

[datinglov]

Hey guys, so things have gotten a little confusing.

We met up for lunch at a nice little cafe. The conversation flowed easily the whole time, we have a ton of mutual interests. I mentioned an exhibit i have been meaning to see at the local museum (i am in a big city on the west coast) and she said she has been meaning to go for a while. I responded saying i would be down to go sometime with her, and she said yeah! So at the end, the bill comes and she offers to split it, then I take a look and say, well, since I invited you out, is it ok if I pay? And she let me, and said next time we hang out though, she's paying.When we parted ways she hugged me and said she had a lovely time. As we were saying goodbye, I said, we should go to that musuem sometime! and walked away.

2 days go by. I text her in the evening saying I just wanted to say i had a great time and I hope she had a good weekend. No response. 3 days after that we have class together. She said hey first, again patting my shoulder. We had brief small talk in the break. At the end, when we usually walked together, she said she had to go to the bathroom, see you guys later! to me and another person walking with us. 4 days later, it is a Saturday, and not knowing what to make of these weird signals after what I thought was a real fun time, I text once more asking if she wants to hit up that exhibit sometime.

No response. I will see her in class on Wednesday. I'm guessing I should take the lack of response as a late rejection? Should I bother talking to her at all?

[smackie9]

Look, this is how it is, she gives you a chance and goes out with you....even tho a date goes flawless, doesn't mean there's future. She gave it a shot, probably decided that she didn't feel anything and now is avoiding your texts.....possibly in hopes you will figure it out instead of her awkwardly telling it to your face. When they offer to pay, usually mean "we are just friends" and I don't want to feel obligated.

If you make yourself too available they lose interest....they like a challenge. So many guys make the mistake of being overly attentive thinking they are doing the right thing, and to play it kool of not answer that text right away will make them lose opportunity.....but that is not so. Back off with the dating part, pull back on the attention and play it kool for a bit......see if you can pull her back in again. If not, you were heading into the friends zone anyways.

[datinglov]

Yeah, I can think of a few things of that nature I did wrong. I am curious how she will act in class... i personally will not pay her any attention unless she speaks to me first.

[Fru]

Heh, I'm a girl and I don't "like a challenge." In fact, if a guy didn't act somewhat attentive I would think he didn't care at all. So, I personally don't think you're doing anything wrong by following up on the date.

However! Based on her lack of responses, I would say she is possibly not as interested after all. Reminding her once or twice about the exhibit and your further desire to hang out is fine, but if she doesn't respond, obviously don't push it. Then she would just be turned off probably.

Yeah, I think it's her turn to pay some attention now, so you'd be doing the right thing by sitting back and waiting now (in my opinion). If she doesn't take initiative to chat/hang out soon ... that's the answer, I guess! (Although she could just be too shy to take initiative. Does she seem like a generally shy person?)

[Sara E. Parker]

Step up, show her that you are the man and the only man for her.
She will thank you for it.
Remember, guys ask girls out, not the other way around.

[datinglov]

Thanks Fru! My only worry is that for some reason she did not receive these texts. If she did then obviously I am done, but it would be silly if she thought I wasn't interested if she never heard from me cause her phone was off or something! My realistic side though tells me she probs got them.

[smackie9]

She definitely knows you like her, so distancing yourself a little won't make her think you are not interested. When you see her, give her a nod and a smile, but then direct your attention else where. Like I said....just play it kool, but not douche kool....be casual, relaxed and unfazed.

[datinglov]

Haha, so right off the bat she says to me in front of a few other classmates that her phone was being shitty this weekend and she didn't get my texts right away. We walked together again after class and she hugged me goodbye. Keeping smackie's advice in mind I did not say a word about when to hang out next, and so we left it at that for now

[smackie9]

see you worry over nothing....just let this progress at it's own pace.

[datinglov]

Got an idea for the next move. My Favorite band is coming into town on Friday. Should I wait to invite her in person on Wednesday in class and risk her having already made plans, or should i get in touch with her ahead of time?