Ex just wants to be friends for now?

[MissPinky12]

Hey, guys. I'm a newbie on this site

My ex and I broke up in early September -I broke up with him-, after dating for almost 3 years (off and on). He is my first love, so it's been a heartbreaking experience. Since we split up, we've alternated between talking casually and arguing through text messages. He has told me that he wants to be only friends "for the time being, and maybe someday down the road it may become more again." When I pressed him about how long it might be, he said "I can't put a timeline on it, maybe a few months or a year".

The problem with that is I am still so in love with him. He says he still loves me too, but doesn't want to be together right now. I can't be "just friends" with him because I do not see him as a friend. He doesn't understand this, so we argue about it constantly. He told me that it wouldn't bother him one bit if I started seeing another guy. So, I take it this means that he does Not want to get back together in the near future. I mean, our relationship was far from perfect (we spent more time fighting than happy), but when it was good between us, it felt so right.

From a guy's point of view, does it sound like he's just trying to let me down easy, with the "friendship" thing? Or does he genuinely want to give it time for us to fix things and get it right? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

[Keating1000]

Hi there.

What were the reasons behind your break up?

He might still be hurt over that, guy's take breakups quite hard. His ego will be dented especially if you broke up with him.

He probably just wants to live the life a bit, wild nights out, university, etc.

You are probably the real thing for him, you are probably made for each other. You have just met at the wrong time in your lives.

My advice would be to stick it out for the long run if you seriously are in love with him

[MissPinky12]

Thanks for your reply

Long story short, we broke up because we simply couldn't get along. I mean, we were together for a week before we split up that last time. I love him, but he is a selfish person who couldn't put my needs or wants ahead of his. This caused the majority of our fighting. Like for example, we always had to do what he wanted when we were together (most of the time that involved me being at his house while he played on the internet, looking at car stuff, barely speaking to me.)

It makes sense that you say he is probably still hurt over what happened. Heck, I am too. I do care about him a lot, but I have my doubts as to if it would even work in the long run. But in the meantime, I can't seem to get over him.

[bulrush]

I mean, our relationship was far from perfect (we spent more time fighting than happy),

If more time was spent arguing, than being happy, then you are not meant to be together. You must be pretty young not to realize that. You also must realize that, after 3 years of "love", the fighting didn't get fixed. Love doesn't fix things, action does. And some things will never get fixed. You two are just incompatible, regardless of the emotional attachment you have with him.

Don't you think you owe it to yourself to find someone you can be happy with 90% of the time? Or is your self-esteem that bad? They are out there, but hard to find. That means you have to date lots of people, without throwing away the one who is right for you.

[Wakeup]

Thanks for your reply

Long story short, we broke up because we simply couldn't get along. I mean, we were together for a week before we split up that last time. I love him, but he is a selfish person who couldn't put my needs or wants ahead of his. This caused the majority of our fighting. Like for example, we always had to do what he wanted when we were together (most of the time that involved me being at his house while he played on the internet, looking at car stuff, barely speaking to me.)

It makes sense that you say he is probably still hurt over what happened. Heck, I am too. I do care about him a lot, but I have my doubts as to if it would even work in the long run. But in the meantime, I can't seem to get over him.

Why do you love this guy? He isn't even worth another thought. He hasn't changed a bit and he just says he'll be your friend so that he doesn't look like a total bastard to you.

You'll get over him FOR GOOD if you stop talking to him all together while keeping yourself busy and while doing fun and interesting things with your friends. Don't contact him anymore and if he wonders why you've drifted away and contacts you, tell him that you don't want to be his "just friends" and that you hope he has a good life. Bubbye".

You deserve someone better than him and I'm pretty sure you don't even miss him but rather you miss the thought of being in a relationship so work on your self-esteem by being the best you that you can be ~ take courses, join the gym, go for a total make-over, join a co-ed sports team, etc. and live the good life without him stagnating you.

[Boisdevie]

He says he loves you. That's bullshit. Find someone that appreciates you.

[MissPinky12]

Thanks for the replies. I feel the tough love there with the advice, and it helps a whole lot

I do realize that since we spent more time fighting then happy, we're not meant to be together. I'm 22, and haven't had a whole lot of dating experience yet, but I do see this. Thanks for saying it, though. It helps me to hear it from someone else.

You guys are awesome! Thanks again

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You have to ignore his contact. Fighting with him over text or any other means, just drags you back into it with him. Next time he contacts you, tell him you won't be responding anymore, and stick to it.

[Listens2lies]

Ok, I am not a guy but I had a 5 yr engagement to someone who I found cheating (he denied it what a shocker). He had everything he wanted with me, no lies, no bs. Yet he did the oh grass is greener bs. Now he in love with a girl who sleeps around then at end of night goes to his bed. They say that to keep you close honey. I am 44 and just woke up to this. They say it because in case things don't work out with other girls your there waiting. Please I beg you do not fall for it. It hurts like hell u wanna die. ( i know trust me). Don't think I haven't thought about it many times either. He was my first love but, he can't tell the truth. That was a huge deal. My friend told me today the best way to get over someone is get UNDER someone else I didn't find it funny at the time. But, for women it is true. I am not saying sleep with someone off the street but, this might be a good idea. I am gonna try it with a friend of mine in Orlando. Anything to take the pain away.

[Wakeup]

@ Listentolies:

I am gonna try it with a friend of mine in Orlando. Anything to take the pain away.

You don't learn life lessons well then. Doing that will make you more lonely and lacking in self worth than you already are. How about you make you the best you that you can be so that you don't NEED a man to make you happy. Once you love yourself you'll find someone that will enhance your already happy self. Try that instead of hoping some random sex hook up will improve your miserable outlook.

[Listens2lies]

Umm, I am not lacking in self-worth lol. Actually I am very confident. I am 44 and I got a lot to offer someone. I am good looking, love to cook, love watching sports, and am 100% loyal. I don't have low self esteem and the under thing was a joke if you re=read it. I am not gonna stoop to the lvl that he has and bang everything with a breath in their lungs. I am happy I am opening a business in Jan and moving (finally getting the hell outta fla). My outlook is this..he lied, cheated, and still lying to everyone around him. I am sure he has said horrid things about me to this girl he supposedly loves. I doubt he told her oh ya I told my x fiance (which he told her i was his g/f.) that I still love her. Again, the sleep with thing was a joke and something SOMEONE ELSE SAID. I went to Orlando yesterday night. I had a blast, did he try to sleep with me? Sure, did it happen HELLS NO! Besides I am looking for something real, I want to settle down, travel, and live in a town of no more then 2k people in it (found some in VA thank god). Thanks but, lol your way off. I know what I have to offer and I know a real man wants it.

[Listens2lies]

Its been since April and I have been with 0 men in my bed since. So thats another thing you missed.

[Wakeup]

Umm, I am not lacking in self-worth lol. Actually I am very confident. I am 44 and I got a lot to offer someone. I am good looking, love to cook, love watching sports, and am 100% loyal. I don't have low self esteem and the under thing was a joke if you re=read it. I am not gonna stoop to the lvl that he has and bang everything with a breath in their lungs. I am happy I am opening a business in Jan and moving (finally getting the hell outta fla). My outlook is this..he lied, cheated, and still lying to everyone around him. I am sure he has said horrid things about me to this girl he supposedly loves. I doubt he told her oh ya I told my x fiance (which he told her i was his g/f.) that I still love her. Again, the sleep with thing was a joke and something SOMEONE ELSE SAID. I went to Orlando yesterday night. I had a blast, did he try to sleep with me? Sure, did it happen HELLS NO! Besides I am looking for something real, I want to settle down, travel, and live in a town of no more then 2k people in it (found some in VA thank god). Thanks but, lol your way off. I know what I have to offer and I know a real man wants it.

lolzzz ... Whatevva! ... You're certainly old enough to decide what you want to do whether it's good for you or not is another story and remains to be seen after you've tested it out.

Oh BTW: Being confident and having self-esteem are two different things. Your reply shows you have the former but proves you lack in the latter.

It's your life though, don't let me stop you. I just thought it was crappy advice to be giving a 22 year old who just got out of a less then stellar relationship ~ to tell her to jump into an even less than stellar one as if that would cure what ails her. pffft!

[Listens2lies]

LOL i have both. I wonder how good your relationship is seem you have advice for everyone else on this forum ,...yet your on here too.

[Wakeup]

Uhm... wtf has that got to do with anything? This isn't a dating site and I don't seek nor have I ever sought advice here. For 44 you're rather naive are'nt you? I'm starting to think you posted that about an Orlando FWB to try and make your ex jealous since you know he sometimes posts here but that would be an assumption.

Anyway... In this particular thread, I'm here to let the opening poster know that your advice for her to get herself a fvck buddy was a piss poor thing for her to be doing and that it would only make her sense of self-worth drop. I don't think I needed to bother though because she sounds like she has a brain in her head and would know that automatically.

As I said at 44 you should know by now what's in your own best interests or not. Hopefully!

Ciao. We're derailing the original poster's thread. My apologies to OP.