Scott Pilgrim is Dating a High-Schooler

[tjtigers14]

So in the movie "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World", the beginning scene is of Michael Cera taking shit from his friends and family for dating a 17 year old when he's 22. I felt that they actually reacted extremely calmly compared to what would actually happen.

Anyway I guess I'm pulling a Scott Pilgrim. I'm in community college, living at home and getting some cheap school out of the way and enjoying my last few years in the nest (hopefully). I like my hometown, I get along with people a bit younger than me because I'm a slow developer, I'm like at the same physical and emotional level as people 3 years younger than me (in my opnion, I may actually be a huge creeper lol?)

Well I met this girl and she's 15, going to turn 16 in 2 weeks and I'm 20. Age of consent is 16 here. I guess my question is: is it morally agreeable to hang out with her and like initiate dating while she's still 15 and I'm technically 5 years older than her? She is really cool and I think it would be a good relationship, but it seems a bit sketchy with the age range.

Thanks

[Ilithios]

I don't see a problem with it. Just don't have sex with her until she's 16 if that's the age of consent, and after that don't get her pregnant and ruin or life or anything.

[MerryH]

A 20-year-old dating a 15/16-year-old is a but sketchy, yeah. I think adults should know better than to mess around with someone who is basically a child, even if you consider yourself somewhat childish. You should be preparing yourself for adult life, and she should be having a fun, carefree high school life. You would interfere with that, and that's irresponsible on your part, in my opinion.

Instead of hanging out with high schoolers, why don't you try to spend more time with people your own age or older? You're going to hold yourself back from learning age-appropriate social interaction. Do you want to behave like a 17-year-old forever? You're 20 and in college. You should start trying to act like it.

[lizzy-bet]

When I was 16 I dated a 20 year old, who honestly was too emotionally immature to even date me, lol. We kept it casual, and it worked out OK. I ended up losing my virginity to him, and I never regretted any of it or think badly of him. He was kind of a loser though, he got njp'd a couple of times (he was in the Navy) and was on restriction for a month that I was dating him. He also didn't have a car and my parents drove us around because I didn't have my license hahaha! I think as long as the parents are cool with it and you take it slow, it's alright to date a girl that young. People say that girls that age are not emotionally mature enough to get into a relationship with someone older, but it depends on the individual. All of the guys I dated were 20 or 21 when I was in High School, and I definitely did not have sex with all of them, nor was I pressured beyond what I could handle. I also did not end up with any STDs, or pregnancy scares, or any emotional baggage. I'm 26 and married now, and as far as I can tell I'm O.K.

[tjtigers14]

@MerryH

I was away at University last year and pledged a fraternity...I got along with them, made friends and had a shit ton of fun. But really it's absurd to claim that this group of 18-24 year old students had superior emotional maturity to all 16/17 years olds. Nasty, prolish sex talk, a group-dependence on beer and grind dancing, and more drama than I've ever seen on ABC Family. Then I come home and have good friends that are 17 and are wittier, less obtuse about sex and are more willing to do things that you don't have to be blitzed to enjoy. I'm commuting to school and have found a good group of people to spend time with, yeah sometimes it gets strange when it leads to parties where there's 15 year old girls, but obviously I don't get some pedo-lust when that happens, I just leave.

All I'm trying to say is that development is variable, and I while it is linear, it's not constant across humanity. If we all developed heterogeneously, we'd be living in A Brave New World. I'm not taking advantage of my extra 3 years of life to obtain social clout and pussy, I just want to have friends and do fun things while I'm commuting to school. I'm not a college dropout, I am starting work on my major for my Bachelor's Degree by January and I work and yada yada yada. The switch from 19-20 is the worst one because 20 packs such a bigger punch. It's bullshit rhetoric that makes us think that changing the tenths place from 1-2 is an instantaneous change to adulthood. The 20-year old brain is an adolescent brain and will be for a while longer.

Anyway the girl, yeah I wouldn't say 15/16...it's 16 lol. I have had sex with one girl, kissed one girl in my entire life. Lost my v-card at 19. She has mountains more experience than me and probably lost hers around 14. I just happened to spend a really nice evening with her and thought she was really nice to talk to and want to take her on a few dates. Maybe it won't work out but I don't see why it can't hurt to try, I'm not just looking to get my dick wet, I'm not that type of person and I'm not looking to break sex offender laws for a ****ing orgasm.

Thanks for your opinion, it was interesting!

[tjtigers14]

I was away at University last year and pledged a fraternity...I got along with them, made friends and had a shit ton of fun. But really it's absurd to claim that this group of 18-24 year old students had superior emotional maturity to all 16/17 years olds. Nasty, prolish sex talk, a group-dependence on beer and grind dancing, and more drama than I've ever seen on ABC Family. Then I come home and have good friends that are 17 and are wittier, less obtuse about sex and are more willing to do things that you don't have to be blitzed to enjoy. I'm commuting to school and have found a good group of people to spend time with, yeah sometimes it gets strange when it leads to parties where there's 15 year old girls, but obviously I don't get some pedo-lust when that happens, I just leave.

All I'm trying to say is that development is variable, and I while it is linear, it's not constant across humanity. If we all developed heterogeneously, we'd be living in A Brave New World. I'm not taking advantage of my extra 3 years of life to obtain social clout and pussy, I just want to have friends and do fun things while I'm commuting to school. I'm not a college dropout, I am starting work on my major for my Bachelor's Degree by January and I work and yada yada yada. The switch from 19-20 is the worst one because 20 packs such a bigger punch. It's bullshit rhetoric that makes us think that changing the tenths place from 1-2 is an instantaneous change to adulthood. The 20-year old brain is an adolescent brain and will be for a while longer.

Anyway the girl, yeah I wouldn't say 15/16...it's 16 lol. I have had sex with one girl, kissed one girl in my entire life. Lost my v-card at 19. She has mountains more experience than me and probably lost hers around 14. I just happened to spend a really nice evening with her and thought she was really nice to talk to and want to take her on a few dates. Maybe it won't work out but I don't see why it can't hurt to try, I'm not just looking to get my dick wet, I'm not that type of person and I'm not looking to break sex offender laws for a ****ing orgasm.

Thanks for your opinion, it was interesting!

[bulrush]

If your maturity is the same as a 16 year old, then I guess that's a plus. And the age difference is not that much for prosecutors to go after you. If you were 40, then prosecutors would be on you like flies on stink, regardless of the age of consent. Prosecutors like to make headlines too, it helps their careers.

The "norm" of society would probably say this is a sketchy relationship.

Personally I prefer more mature girls. I don't need the drama of physical or mental 16 year olds.

[devonbrown]

OP, I think MerryH is trying to say that if you continue to spend time with people who are younger, you will not develop and grow the way you could. If the fraternity you were in didn't work out for your needs, I am sure there are other groups you could spend time with.

A girl who is 15 or 16, no matter how mature she is, has not mentally and emotionally developed the same way someone who is 20 years old has. And that doesn't even take into account the life experiences that she hasn't had yet. You have to let her live and have her experiences. And the same for you. Think of this - you already had an experience with a Greek organization. What if she wants to have an experience with a Greek organization? If she is dating you, your opinion on the subject might wind up unfairly influencing her and not letting her fully experience things she wants to.

Just something to think about.

Good luck.

[GaryUranga]

My ex gf was 18, I was 23 thats a 5 year gap. The relationship went pretty well most times, I dont see why not.

[warriormaiden]

15 and 20 seems kinda ew. Not everyone's parents are going to be receptive of the union.

If you think you are socially on the level of a 17 year old, then maybe you try hanging out with people more your age? Just because 20 doesn't mean you have to act like a funless prude. There is a certain level of maturity one has that separates a 17 year old and a 20 year old.

[tjtigers14]

I was gonna wait until she was 16 before even asking her out or whatever.

I have been socially competent with people my own age for my entire life. Two of my 17-year old friends are at Community College and doing the same shit as me. Everyone on here is ****ing dramatic about age. But a 16 year old girl...yeah too young probably.

Thanks.

[IndiReloaded]

All I'm trying to say is that development is variable, and I while it is linear, it's not constant across humanity. If we all developed heterogeneously, we'd be living in A Brave New World. I'm not taking advantage of my extra 3 years of life to obtain social clout and pussy, I just want to have friends and do fun things while I'm commuting to school. I'm not a college dropout, I am starting work on my major for my Bachelor's Degree by January and I work and yada yada yada. The switch from 19-20 is the worst one because 20 packs such a bigger punch. It's bullshit rhetoric that makes us think that changing the tenths place from 1-2 is an instantaneous change to adulthood. The 20-year old brain is an adolescent brain and will be for a while longer.

Stop spouting garbage about things you don't really know about. Christ, undergrads, barely know anything but imagine they know it all.

Try dating girls your age (or even older). You have a lot of growing to do and should be looking upwards instead of chasing teenagers. They, like you, only think they have it all figured out, except their ignorance is even more than yours. Instead of commenting on development, you should be thinking about maturity. If you had any, you'd not even be considering these girls--not women--who are still growing up. You mention walking away when you feel lust for them, this is a start.

Sorry for the harsh post, I know you 'don't know what you don't know' but part of university is supposed to be learning how to think. Focus on that, and less on the parties.

[vashti]

As the mother of a teenage daughter, I wouldn't allow it. Even if you are emotionally immature, you are sexually mature, and 15 year old girls are no match.

[tjtigers14]

I don't have any delusions of grandeur, but I mean it's pretty well-documented that development is variable and I think it's harsh to condemn having friends 3 years younger. In terms of the girl, I obviously came on here to ask because I didn't know how how the masses would look at that and wanted a viewpoint beyond my own biased one. Sorry that I ****ing offended you.

[tjtigers14]

16! But yes, still too much range.