Boyfriend and mothers relationship drives me crazy,family, time to move on?

[elmore44]

I am have really been trying to move on from this guy for almost three years but keep finding myself getting back involved when other relationships do not work out. This guy is a always talking about his mother, lives with her and puts her above everything. It just ain;t normal for a man his age. It makes me sick to my stomach when he even mentions her in conversation. I really have a strong dislike for her to the point it makes me physically sick. I hate feeling this way. But her mere presence sends pains in my stomach. She acts really snotty, diistant like she does not want me around, rude and snotty towards me when we first started dating. She did not even know me and was rude from the beginning, At times when I would come to her house with him and speak to her she would not even look at me and say hello. No eye contact. I was like what the heck is wrong with her? They are extremely close and he puts her over me when it comes to time together. He treats her like she is his wife or something. They live together and their relationship is just abnormal for a man in his late forties to be living under the same roof with his mom and doing things he should be doing for a wife and girlfriend. I feel like it is time to move on and get over it because I feel like I am competing with every woman in his family. When I tell him how I feel he acts like it is me and that I am very disrespectful. He refuses to see her as the person she really is. "A person that does not want her son to have a woman in his life." Because she has no one herself. He washes her car, fixes it, paints her house, washes her hair, cooks her meals, goes church with, rubs her feet and goes to out to clubs and entertainment places with her and her older damn friends. Like dates. It drives me nuts. The time we went out to a Christmas party there she was rolling her eyes at me and would not even come over to the table and speak to me. He does not make our relationship a priority and I am so tired of it. Nothing has changed over three years and i am getting the feeling that it never will and I am wasting my time. I do not expect him to choose because i love my mom too. But I am a grown 45 year old woman who wants and has a life outside of my mother and father. His mom is not remarried and so he feels like that all she has is him. So she uses that as a reason to baby him. Please tell me what I should do get this man to understand that I am hurting and unhappy. He refuses to see it or understand. Is it time to move on. This make my blood boil to no end. She has not tried to get to know me and I do not want to know her. Can't stand her. Makes my blood boil. She has actually said horrible things to him that make him go against me. Things that are not even true. I have carried myself like a lady and respected her. But maybe she can tell I do not like her based on the things he has probably said behind my back. He tells her everything. I tell my mom about him and my whole family totally disapproves of him. They feel as though is not the type of guy I should be with, Feels like I am settling. I don;t know how to let go yet. She actually said something so ugly and hurtful to him that just crushed me. Someone broke her car window in front of her yard and she actually told him to call me and ask me about it. Can you believe that nonsense! I am not even that type of lady. He worships the ground she walks on and never takes up for me when it comes to her. Maybe he needs to make her his wife and woman. Sounds sick but it is like that. What kind of power does this mother have over her son that he won;t leave her and get a life of his own without her always being in the damn picture somehow. I am so frustrated. Somebody help!

[Way2Roux]

OH. MY. GOD

This sounds exactly like a relationship I used to have.... all I have to say is RUN

[iamminzy]

I think his mother was always emotionally abusive to him and I think he fears his mom. THis sounds like a Asian drama I watched where this rich guy is scared of his mother until he met this girl who was able to backtalk to him that no one would ever do. He ended falling in love with her.

I think the point is, you need to step up your game and not let him walk all over you and blame you. You're not standing up for yourself and speaking your mind to him about this. You need to act tough so he will know not to mess is awith you.

Anyways you deserve better, I say run and leave him because a guy at his age still kissing up to his mom indicates that he is weak and not a man. He's a wimp...

[bulrush]

If you are not strong enough to leave him, you will only have yourself to blame for wasting years of your life. This guy might be brainwashed, or just a bit bonkers. He should not place time with his mom over time with you. YOU are the primary relationship, though he may still want to spend time with his mom.

I had this issue long ago. When my wife mentioned it, I fixed the issue by spending more time with my wife. I did not even see it as something wrong until my wife talked to me. If your bf won't change, time to get a new model.

[elmore44]

Thanks for telling me something I already knew. I just needed confirmation.

[elmore44]

You are right. I have already expressed my unhappiness with this relationship a million times over the last 2.5 years and he won't change. He said he will never put anyone over his mother as long as he is not married. Said she has been there for him when no one else was. Told me this "If you are expecting me to choose between you and my mother, I am choosing my mother!" So yes I know I should have been RUNNING THEN. But I thought in time as years went by he would change and see what a good thing he was messing up. But I told him how I felt about him and the mother thing and it was not nicely put after frustration built. So basically, it is redundant and no change. So I agree. I am tired of standing up to him and talking out of the side of my neck. I am strong but I am tired now. He is not willing to put me as a primary person over his mother. So thanks for the confirmation. Maybe I am just not the one he is willing to do that over. Appreciate the advice. Moving on is the healthiest thing to do.

[misombra]

Is his name cam, by any chance?

Seriously, you need to leave this mamas boy alone. Tell him to get a real doll.

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She will not care what his mother thinks.

[Way2Roux]

We're proud of you for facing reality and finally getting rid of him. You'll find someone better!

[MaidenMinx]

I am meeting and hearing of more and more guys who have never untied the apron strings. I'm starting to wonder if it's the fact that so many guys are raised by single mums.. (not dumping on single mums at all by the way. Was raised by one myself and she is awesome. )