ending a relationship...

[jane]

How do you really know when a relationships is over and youcan't salvage it? Are there signs?

I am feeling a little neglected by my current boyfriend. I never see him. Work has consumed his life. Beofre you say anything, please know that he works for the government and it's not a job that he can just walk away from.

I respect his line of work and I know that what he does important, however....

example:

I wanted to go see Phantom of the Opera. It's only playing one weekend down here and I thought it would be fun. He likes this ckind of stuff too.

instead of taking the weekend off, which he could do, he decided to take the following weekend off to go to a football game with his friends. I have no problem with this. My only problem is I have not seen him in 3 weeks AND I LIVE WITH HIM!
I work days, he works nights. Are there signs that he may not want to be with me?

[sfalexi]

Hmmmmmmmm. Take a day off and surprise him. One day he shows up and you're there all day with him! Pardon the asking, but has it been a while since you guys last were "intimate" (to ask politely?) Cause from what I hear in papers and good 'ol Esquire Magazine articles (the best magazine on the face of the PLANET! Which I have a subscription to!), once you start breaking from sex and it's not longer looked forward to, that's a very bad beginning of a spiral downward that's hard to climb out of.

Try getting physical with him. Even if you kinda sorta are tired, bring back the romance into the life. If he seems to blow you off while you're trying to get him aroused for some fun time, I'd say that's a bad sign (once maybe cause he might GENUINELY be tired, but no guy with love in their heart would resist that from the girl they care for the most).

Putting friend's ahead of you, well, sometimes that will happen. Does it happen often? Have you spoken to him about that? Tell him. Lord knows my girlfriend points out EVERYTHING I do that bothers her. But at least I know and it doesn't fester up inside her and I can either oblige her requests if they are reasonable, or defend my position if I don't think they are.

Try talkin to him about it. Even if you have to take a day off. Pick a day where you know he won't be doing anything so he can't have any "excuse" to avoid a serious discussion. No football game, no favorite TV show, that sorta thing.

Alexi

PS - You know my situation. I'm no pro, but maybe you can gleen some useful stuff from this and any other responses you might get and pick and choose good methods FOR YOU. (That's sorta a disclaimer cause I don't wanna see a post here labeled "sfalexi ruined my life and now I'll make him pay" or some crap like that.)

[jane]

Originally posted by sfalexi
[B (That's sorta a disclaimer cause I don't wanna see a post here labeled "sfalexi ruined my life and now I'll make him pay" or some crap like that.) [/B]

LOL !!! You won't!!

[sfalexi]

just checked out your journal. Seems to be a new entry . . . pertaining to this topic . . . . You sure you thought it through and are ready to make that decision?

sfalexi<----who can be very logical and mechanical at times.

[jane]

no...
I am just really confused. I have alot to think about. I love him very much. Words can't explain how much he has done for me. And I don't mean finacially or materialistic bullshit. He has helpped me through some very hard things.

The thing is that I want to move on, I don't know if it's my guilt or my love for him thats keeping us together. When you wrote about wether or not we had had sex, no we haven't it's been 7 months. He has initiated it and so have I both times we turned each other down for various reasons.
I just don't know anymore...

[LINEBACKER _2]

Hey Jane, it's time to sit down and do some serious thinking.

Do what you feel is best, and don't let anyone, and I really do mean anyone, influence you in this.

This is your life. You need to do what you think is best.

LINEBACKER 2

[jane]

this is not a decision I can make over night. No one can influence me about this either. They can't but i guess I just need to know that someone understands what's ahppening and that I am not some crazy, dependant bitch who is asking to much from her boyfriend.

[LINEBACKER _2]

I doubt you're asking too much. I think I know your answer already.

LINEBACKER 2

[shenmue]

No offense but someone whoo is lucky enough to be loved and treats the person they love like shit is a fool. I wish a woman olved me I'd treat her like a queen. And she would be. Mine.

[shenmue]

try talking to this guy who frankly is acting like a fool. This will at lest let you know that you tried talking to him.

[jane]

talking is easier then it sounds right now...
I'll elaborate when I have some time...

[Illusional]

before doing anything rash, did you talk about this with him? if so how did he react.. if you already have talked to him, directions seem to lead that he is losing interest in you or already has. you live with him and he does need his space but i think that he is already giving up space with you and trading it for time with his friends. raverboy

[jane]

well,
I talked to himand it is offically over. We have very differnet lives. He said that he loves me and I said that I loved him too but our relationship ended months ago.
It's tough but I believe its for the good.

[2c2bt]

Originally posted by jane
instead of taking the weekend off, which he could do, he decided to take the following weekend off to go to a football game with his friends. I have no problem with this.

Well you should.
That's an utterly stupid thing for him to do.
Get a new bf.

Oh hey look. There's a poll. Leave him!

[jane]

I did ...
It is over.