Angry, Hurt, Lonely

[chupacabra1977]

Well I don't even know where to start..Its very long and complicated but ill make it as short as possible.. Well my relationship to Elizavet Magallanes started a year and 8 months ago. I trusted her with everything. She tried to hide our relationship for about a year and yet I didnt see this coming.. I felt and she convinced me that she was truthful. But that was NOT the case, two Saturdays ago I caught her in one of her many lies. But this lie was by far the most hurtful. It opened my eyes to all the fears Ive kept hiding in the back of my mind.. That Thursday we had sex like any other time, at the end I tried to give her a small hickie on her chest like we always did. Where no one would see it.. but this time she pinched me so I wouldn't give her one. I'm not talking a little pinch, the type of pinch that leaves bruises.It felt really strange that she would do that to me. Well every Saturday we would see each other to have sex ( I say It SEX because I now see Thats all it was). That Sat she refuse to see me for no reason at all. I ended going to her apt that nite, her daughter let me in.. she was laying down, so I started talking to her and she gave me an attitude. So we argued for a few minutes... I ended grabbing her phone and found a text that she made with her ex to meet up somewhere. So I questioned her and she denied everything. so I left extremely pissed,hurt and totally disoriented.. Later I called her and she confessed to being the hoe she is. I tried to cope with it for the last few day and stood with her, but now Im weary. theres more men added to the list. I trusted her with my life, I gotten really depressed over this situation. I did everything for her and her daughters and I get shitted on for being in love...WTF. I cant see eye to eye on any thing, she would lie to people in front of me.. Right out in front of me. Are all women like this, I see it at work all the time! Why are people so Unfaithful and so untrustworthy.. You give everything just to have you heart ripped out you ass... I dont know what to do.. Im lost without direction I made her my life... Is life worth going on???

[sтαяıιgнт]

life is worth going on. committing suicide won't get you anywhere. start all over. change your name and move if you have to. you'll find someone better than her

[Tanguerra]

Oh dear! That's terrible. You must be feeling awful! You have to leave her immediately of course. Just walk away and don't look back. But, still, it doesn't help you feel any better about what's happened in the short term. Whatever you do, don't do anything rash. You sound like a really genuinely nice guy and you will be sure to meet someone who is much more worthy of your love in time. For the moment though you have to take the best possible care of yourself. Don't be alone if you feel very sad. Write in here. Go and visit a friend. Try not to drink too much or do anything 'stupid' that will make matters any worse than they already are.

My thoughts are with you. It must be very painful, but the pain will go away with time. Really it will.

[Kyeema]

No - not all women are like this, some even go through the same stuff you do because men did this to them... after my ex left me (I can't even say broke up with me because he didn't, he simply didn't come home any more after 8 years of telling me I was the only one for him, the love of his life etc...) I found out how often and about what things he had lied to me and to others... you should think you know a person after 8 years, but even then it's possible you don't as I had to find out...

I also asked myself if life even was worth living any more... because I felt it wasn't... and sometimes I still do feel it's not... but then... there are these moments when life is beautiful, the sun on my skin, my dogs licking my face, my cat sucking my finger the way he did when he was a baby etc... and even if you can't see these moments now, they will come to you some day soon again and then you will notice that life is worth living and that it would have been a waste to give it all up just because of a person like your ex (I assume she is your ex now right?) - SHE is not worth it and that's tha point here.

You did nothing wrong, you trusted her und loved her with all you got. That's beautiful. Don't you ever lose that. You just had bad luck to meet a person who didn't deserve all this and who didn't appreciate what you have to offer. In reality, it's her loss. Not yours. You can easily find someone better than her. She can't.

Right now, you're in incredible pain of course, but you still are the beautiful person you are and you will get through it and some day you will be ready and meet a woman who does appreciate all you have to offer and who will love you for who you are.

Big hug
Kyeema

[lakers.rulez]

Hey Chupacabra, I got dumped a few months ago. I know it is really painful. I still think of her everyday to be honest with you. It's an 8 yrs relationship and I thought she would go through the goods and the bads with me... I guess she left me the bad and decided to jump ship. I don't even sure what's going on... It's just like one day she decided to say "I don't feel the love anymore... Letz just be friends..." I was shocked. After 8 yrs, I guess I still don't know her. Anyway, I do feel a little better now. It's not because I got back to her or anything... It's because I force myself to do other things so that I don't have much free time to think of her. I put away all the pictures and anything that reminds me of her. I lived with her for more than 6 years... It's really painful. I had to move to much smaller place now and be by myself. I do feel lonely at times, but it's okay. I know I'm a good guy and I will get over this. I hope you will to. Go hang out with your friends and talk to ur family. It helps a lot. I will go buy a guitar tomorrow and learn how to play it. I will go hiking with friends on Sunday. I am taking night school and work during day time. I do all this not for her. I do it for me now... and I know somewhere along the path to happiness... I will find that great girl. She is waiting for me to discover her. I still have lots more to give. My EX just come short... that's all. I hope you will get through this. Also, go watch that movie "swingers". Old movie but goodie for someone who just got dumped. I can relate lots of stuffs on that movie. Also, when I feel down, I go search for motivational quotations online and start writing and tape them on my wall. I find it very meaningful and peaceful. The pain tends to lessen. It helps me. Go look for what u like to do and just do it. You will feel more at peace and not having all the negative thoughts run through your head. It can only get better in time buddy. Hang in there.

"Don't let what you can't do stop you from doing what you can do." - John Wooden

[Tanguerra]

Sending you love and best wishes and hoping you'll be strong and brave at this difficult time.

There's always reasons to smile, even if you can't think of any today. Lots of people love you and wish you well.

[chupacabra1977]

Thank you Guys for all your encouraging words and insight. I'm still hurting and sad but I do Have to keep going I have 3 boys from my ex ex wife. me and my wife fell and were getting divorced then i met Ellie.but Im glad is over. She caused more harm than good.What sucks is that I made her everything in my life. I don't know where to turn to. I want to call her but I know better.. She never loved me she just took advantage of me. one song keeps me going Im not sure of the name all i remember is one line.. the most important line of the song.. One thing I know It can only get better...




Thank you again

[headsashed]

Chin up pal,im only a month into the break up and it still hurts so much,but 1 thing i can say to you is suicide is not the answer,ive tried it 3 times,my wrists are now a real mess,and i have to live with that fir the rest of my life,and it will remind me on what that horrible ex did to me,on top of that my doctor reported me to the mental health authority,imagine how thats going to look when i go for a job? Not good,i still feel suicidal at times but i know life has more to offer and she or anyone else isnt worth taking my life over.

[Tanguerra]

Good to hear you're feeling a bit more positive today Chupacabra.

It's very painful when someone is unfaithful I know. You will meet someone who deserves you one day. Next time, take things a bit slower until you understand their character better? Jumping straight from one relationship into another one is hardly ever a good idea. You need to spend some time being single and realising your own value before you make the same mistake again.

[chupacabra1977]

I just cant get over this desperation( NOT Depression) of wanting to call, see, or be with her.I hate her for all her lies, but I also hate my self for being this open and giving to that ass.. I have so much anger and sadness mixed in. I feel that I have reached an impasse. Trapped with out recourse..... Where do I go?

[Kyeema]

Where ever you want to go! Nobody can stop you but yourself!

And if you can't and/or don't want to go anywhere right now then stay in the moment and live through these feelings until they get easier and you start feeling better...

And please, don't beat yourself for being the good heart you are, you loved her and you can't switch that off like the light in your room... you will take time to heal, but you will slowly learn to make the right decisions for yourself, like e.g. not calling her no matter how hard you want to because you know it will only hurt you... one step at a time and two steps forward and one step back, that's usually the way it goes... be kind and patient with yourself, you will get through this!

Big hug
Kyeema

PS. Sadness and anger are part of grieving, you might want to check Kübler-Ross' Five Stages of Grief, perhaps reading about it helps you understand what you are going through...

[asdfg789]

First off, remove all communication links with her - delete her from your mobile, IM, facebook etc.

Secondly, find a way to channel your anger/energy - take up a new sport/hobby, preferably something physical if possible.

Then, slowly reorganize your life without her.

It will be tough. It will be painful. But you can do it !!

Good luck

[Tanguerra]

You're just going to feel horrible for a while. There's nothing for it. That's perfectly normal and nothing will make it any better I'm afraid. Certainly contacting her won't help. When you've been in a relationship with someone for a while you're used to leaning on them for emotional support when something goes wrong. When you're breaking up with them, the impulse is still there to go to them for emotional support, so that's part of the impulse to contact her. Do you have any other friends you can lean on and get support from? It's normal to think about the good times you had together too. It's part of the grief process. It doesn't mean you have to go back to her though.

There's also the old anger / denial / bargaining / depression / acceptance thing. If you haven't heard of that, google 'Elizabeth Kubler Ross, stages of grief'and read about it.

First you get angry. Obviously. Then there's 'denial' - This can't be happening to me! There must be some mistake!

Then 'bargaining'. This seems to be about somewhere where you are now. You are thinking maybe there's something you can do to fix this, maybe if I call her she will explain... Maybe it will all be OK after all... If you are sure that she has been cheating on you not just once with one guy, but frequently with a lot of guys...there's no mistake or misunderstanding going on... guess what, there's no 'bargaining' that will fix this. Bargaining is a way we use to keep depression at bay. Everybody hates being depressed and bargaining is a way of delaying, but it's only stalling. So, the more you turn it over and over in your mind, thinking what you might do to fix this, the worse you will feel. But again, there really is nothing you can do about it. It will take some time. Try to be patient with yourself.

It's a good idea to get some exercise (good for stress). Take really good care of yourself as much as you can. Drinking binges and wild behaviour won't help with this situaton and will tend to make you feel worse.

It sucks. I know. Thinking of you.