Should I be embarrassed and considered a loser?

[ErikEverhard]

I hope you can give me some honest opinions even though they may be hard for me to hear. Basically for the last 5 years I have lived with my grandma taking care of her. Her health has failed a great deal with her having respiratory problems and she now is around 70% blind. That has been my job for the last 5 years, and let me tell you it is one of the hardest things for anyone in there life to do, and I would never wish it upon anyone. As you see a loved ones health fail you fall deeper into a depression. Like I said that is been mainly my job. During that time I have gone back to school and achieved one college degree, and I am currently working on my second degree getting my Respiratory Degree.

Other things I have done is I have ran marathons, and this past June I competed in my first ever bodybuilding contest and I finished in 3rd place. So I guess now it is time to hear the truth about the question I asked. I have not asked a girl out in over 5 years. I feel that they will think "God, what a loser he has no job and lives with his grandma and he still goes to school."

Like I said no matter how hard it will be to hear, do you think most women will think this about me?

[mwahahaha]

Any decent lady will admire you for looking after your grandmother for so long and they will understand why you dont work and are still at school. The ones that dont, arnt worth it dude. The most important is being honest and respectful and the birds will come flocking.
good luck in your quest..

[IndiReloaded]

YOu make me think of Peter Parker.

[searock]

How old are you? In any case, I don't think you would be considered a loser. It's not like you've accomplished nothing in these 5 years, quite the opposite, you worked and studied hard - whether you got paid for it or not.

[ErikEverhard]

35 years old, and now I guess the laughter can begin about my situation.

[mwahahaha]

Dude, get a grip, seriously.
The way you are acting, you will never get your hole.
Forget your situation and your lack of confidence. There is thousands of birds out there that dream of a dude that can run a marathon and is caring and comes third at bodybuilding.
Im a lazy , arrogant , ignorant twat and im beating the fanny off with a shitty stick, So a nice guy like you shouldnt have a problem.
Be confident and soon you ll be knee deep in totty.

[ErikEverhard]

Thanks mwahahaha, that does help some what you said. Anyone else have any opinions or thoughts? Thank you.

[IndiReloaded]

There are a lot of people right now dealing with aging parents or, in your case, grandparents.

Its terribly hard. Have you thought about connecting with a support group for those in situations like yours? Call the Alzheimers Society, they may be able to recommend resources. Also, I think there is relief help that can come in to give you some time away. It doesn't help you meeting someone, I know, but it will get you out which is a start.

Vash might know more about this.

[surfhb]

Body builder /marathon runner who takes care of nice little old Grandma? Dude....you should have a line around the block! The problem is none of these ladies know your siuation and what kind of person you are.

[ErikEverhard]

Thanks surfhb, and you are correct about ladies knowing my situation. I have always been to embarrassed to talk about it. Thanks everyone.

[vashti]

There are a lot of people right now dealing with aging parents or, in your case, grandparents.

Its terribly hard. Have you thought about connecting with a support group for those in situations like yours? Call the Alzheimers Society, they may be able to recommend resources. Also, I think there is relief help that can come in to give you some time away. It doesn't help you meeting someone, I know, but it will get you out which is a start.

Vash might know more about this.

Call your local hospital and ask to speak to a case manager or call a social worker who deals with the elderly. I don't know how things work in Canada, but in the states, there are lots of programs out there to help with supportive care, and of course, support groups.

[Leona77]

You are not a loser and you should not feel embarassed at all!!! I think looking after your grandma' is impressive. However, I also know how that can drain you and depress you to the point you no longer have your own life and freedom.I had to support my mother for a year after she divorced my father. She moved in with me, lived with me and my sister (whom I also partially supported) while blaming me and my siblings for not doing anything to prevent my father divorcing from her it. Then came a point whan I could no longer take her behaviour and the effect it had on my life. I was 25 at the time and instead of dating I was sitting around like a couch potato, ganing waieght rapidly & wearing the same outfit to work every day for a year. Looking after yourself is very important. You are not a bad person if you feel this way.Maybe you are just frustrated by the whole situation and it's affecting your dating. Support group is a good idea because it will show you you're not the only one and there's nothing to be embarassed abt. Maybe you can even find a place to take care of her instead...good luck!

[vashti]

Not to minimize what you did Leona, but letting your mom live with you isn't the same as caring for a chronically ill, elderly person.

[MerryH]

35 years old, and now I guess the laughter can begin about my situation.

This is your problem right here. The problem is your attitude about yourself and your situation. I can promise you that 99% of people who read your post would not be laughing at you, and the other 1% are people you would never want to waste your time with. What you're doing is actually really admirable. Be proud of that. It's probably just your depression telling you that you're not good enough to actually have someone else think highly of you. Get some help with that.

"God, what a loser he has no job and lives with his grandma and he still goes to school."

Seriously, only the shittiest of people would think you're a loser for this. Most people would think, "Wow, what a kind, caring, responsible man to forgo his personal life to take care of his sick grandmother. And he goes to school on top of that!" If you got rid of the depression and low opinion of yourself, then you'd probably be a really good catch.

Get out there and meet women as much as you possibly can. When describing your situation, do it in a positive way instead of how you presented it here, with shame and embarrassment. When asked what you do for a living, you can proudly say, "I'm a live-in caregiver and I'm also going to school for my second degree." That sounds pretty impressive, because it actually is pretty impressive. Don't sell yourself short. And remember that you don't have to give everyone all the details of your life when you first meet them. You can pick and choose who to tell, if they seem worth it and you're comfortable with it. Go meet lots of women.

[ErikEverhard]

Okay everyone I cannot think you enough for the comments. Simply thank you all. This entire situation as mentioned above as completely drained me and put me into so much depression. It sucks that when I meet a girl I feel as if she will think I am a loser for the situation I am in, so I do not even bother to talk to them. As said above I guess it is the depression and just being worn down from the last 5 years that makes me feel like I should be embarrassed. Everyone's replies have helped me a great deal, and I thank you all very much.