Can't let go or stop picturing her...

[runnytadger]

I have posted her previously about a break-up with my ex. She cheated on me months back by kissing some guy. I was so blindly in love with her that I forgave her and we had another shot at the relationship. It wasn't the same, she didn't want to have sex anymore, the random "Love you xxx" texts weren't happening and I was constantly worried that she would decide it's not what she wants. Eventually she came round and told me that we should break up as she's so young and there's so much more she needs to do before settling down (I'm 25 she's 20). We ended up speaking everytime we got in touch for her to collect more stuff being found or she had stuff I needed. We still love each other very much.
I stupidly sent her a list of all the bad things she did and said to me to make me feel better and said I deserve better than her. She was in tears and wanted to come to mine to talk about what I said. She came round and it was so hard. She burst into tears upon seeing me, talking about old times and where it might've went wrong. She was crying and wanted a cuddle. I gave her one as deep down I still wanted her no matter what. We ended up kissing and it felt so good for both of us. It felt normal. She told me she loved me and felt happy. The next day we discussed the possibility of taking things VERY slowly and maybe trying again. She wasn't 100% on this though and was stuck in 2 minds. She eventually said she would give it a go and come round for dinner the next day. A few hours before she messaged me saying she feels sick and depressed and it's not what she wants. No matter how much she fancies me or loves me it's not enough to come back. This crushed me AGAIN. I'm a broken man but what get's me is the thought of her with other guys as she is absolutely gorgeous and out of my league (looks wise). She will never struggle to get a good looking guy and even the thought of her dancing with guys/going on dates etc makes me feel sick nevermind sleeping with her. I cannot shake this feeling off and every morning I wake is struggle. I wake early and think about her then when I have my shower I just throw up. It's awful.
I think I'm obsessed with her! Even after everything she did to me. Horrible situation

Any suggestions?

[Tanguerra]

Oh golly! It seems to me there's a whole lot of 'drama' in this relationship and maybe you're the source of at least half of it?

You're still both quite young. If she's only 20 I'm assuming that this is one of the first serious relationships in her life. Perhaps she's just being honest saying she's not sure she wants to settle down with you 'forever'. There's actually no rush to get married is there?

I think this is part of the problem:
"I'm a broken man [dramatic?!?]... but what get's me is the thought of her with other guys as she is absolutely gorgeous and out of my league (looks wise). She will never struggle to get a good looking guy and even the thought of her dancing with guys/going on dates etc makes me feel sick nevermind sleeping with her. I cannot shake this feeling off and every morning I wake is struggle. I wake early and think about her then when I have my shower I just throw up. It's awful.

The fact that what is tormenting you most is NOT that you will miss her and might never get to see her smile or hear her voice or smell her perfume again - what torments you is simple, old fashioned jealousy. Although it's natural, and of course understandable it's not very 'noble'. You don't own her. She is not a possession. Have you been letting her live her own life, do her own thing, explore her own passions, learn her own life lessons in the time you've been together or have you been trying to keep her in a cage? Maybe this is why, although she says she still has feelings for you, she feels she has to break free, at least for a while?

"I stupidly sent her a list of all the bad things she did and said to me to make me feel better and said I deserve better than her. She was in tears and wanted to come to mine to talk about what I said...."
Yes. That was dumb. Again, though it's all about you and how you feel and what she can do for you. What are you doing for her? When she came over to see you in tears, did you apologise for hurting her feelings? Did you promise always to love and cherish her from now on and be a better man, or did you kiss and cuddle then... you know ... never really got around to talking about it properly?

WHY did she kiss that other guy at the party? Was she trying to get your attention? Were you ignoring her? Did she have any reason to feel insecure about your love for her at the time and be trying to test you? You say she 'cheated on you' by kissing that guy. How did you resolve it? Did you shout at her or did you discuss it quietly, lovingly and calmly? Women don't do things like kiss another guy if they feel loved and safe and happy. It takes two. Maybe the reason she seemed to go cold on you wasn't because of the fight about the other guy, but was because she wasn't feeling happy with you any more because you changed towards her and not been as nice as you were when you first started going out? It's a very common problem.

So, my suggestion.... instead of thinking about everything that she's done wrong, and what she's doing now with some other guy and driving yourself crazy, have a think about maybe what you might have done to contribute to this situation and what (if anything) you can think of to maybe try to patch things up with her if you really, truly love her. You might even have to let her go for a while to do what she wants, find her own way, etc. without you. If she loves you, she'll come back to you if you don't do anything to make it worse. If not... well. Time will tell.

Try to relax. Make sure you take good care of yourself. Calm down. Get some exercise. Things will become clearer before long I'm sure.

[McRich01]

Hey runnytadger,

How long where you to together for ?

This seems extremely similar to my break up in June of this year, I know it hurts so much right now, And i know you'll be feeling as if you could never move on and find love again, But you can, And you will.

My ex broke up with me over the whole 'I love you, But I'm not in love with you', It happened over the space of a few days when i noticed her text messages where getting shorter, Then the 'Love you' wasn't on them, And she was being blunt with me, I knew something was wrong, Because for so long we had been so in love with each other, We where in separable, Soul mates so to say !

After the break up i tried No Contract, But it seemed my mind would control my body into typing text messages to her telling her and begging her to come back (Worst thing you can do), I was so devastated.

She phoned me a few days after No contact, And asked if i could meet her (Which i did), telling me how she had made a mistake, And wants me back, To be honest, We had a fantastic day, We sat in the middle of a quiet field on a lovely summers day and just looked deeply into each others eyes, Kissed for what seemed a life time, I seriously thought that we were going to work things out, However, After a lovely day together, I was wrong.

I phoned her the next day, And she simply told me that the only way she was going to try again was if i kept it a secret, Which i was not going to do !

I have gone no contact from June, I haven't seen her since, She lives a mile down the road, Deleted and blocked her phone number, Facebook, Dropped all her stuff off on her doorstep a few months ago.

No contact is the only way to move on and find peace in your life again, Its so hard to do, There are days where it feels impossible to move on with out her, But believe me, As time goes by, You will move on.

If she was a great girl mate, Then you must have been a great guy to have been with her, There are so many other girls out there waiting for someone to give them the world.

I wish you all the best, Feel free to pm me if you want any advice.

Take care.

[runnytadger]

You're assuming it was my fault she cheated. No there was no reason that I can think of apart from she was maybe unhappy and cannot handle alcohol. Her whole family can't. There's no excuse for cheating though. Ever.
Yes she's had relationships just never been properly in love.
I know I don't own her and I didn't stop her doing anything but what I'm trying to say is, I cannot help this feeling and I'm sure most guys would be the same.
I will miss her very much, she's all I think about, every single thing reminds me of her, every song even though I've never heard it etc. There's a lot she's said and done but I haven't mentioned it on here as I don't feel the need but she's definitely no angel. I was a mug and did everything for her and at one point she was the same to me. Our feeling just changed I guess.
I did apologise about the list, I said I should've kept it for myself to look at but I was hurting and people act weird when heartbroken. She knows I'll always love her and she says she'll always love me which fu*king hurts so much.

We won't be patching things up as she's kept me hanging too much and hurt me over and over. She's been calling all the shots and I do deserve better but my heart still loves her and longs for her. There won't be any more contact and I'm not hanging onto hope and hurting myself anymore. I haven't eaten properly in 3 weeks and need to pull myself together as she seems to be fine. Why waste my time with someone who doesn't feel the same back?

But STILL.....this pain won't go away!!!!

[steviej]

It doesn't go away over night, but you'll find during the day when you're busy/distracted you won't be thinking about her or feeling like crap. Might only be for 20 mins and happen a few times a day. But as time goes on these 'breaks' where you don't feel like that will increase, little by little, until you're spending most of your time feeling fine and only occassionally feeling hurt/jealous etc.

The jealousy thing about her with other guys is the most normal thing in the world, almost every bloke does that when they split with a girl. When those thoughts come into your head actively chase them out! Do something to take your mind off it.
Now is a good time to go catch up again with all your mates who you neglected during your relationship

[runnytadger]

Hey runnytadger,

How long where you to together for ?

This seems extremely similar to my break up in June of this year, I know it hurts so much right now, And i know you'll be feeling as if you could never move on and find love again, But you can, And you will.

My ex broke up with me over the whole 'I love you, But I'm not in love with you', It happened over the space of a few days when i noticed her text messages where getting shorter, Then the 'Love you' wasn't on them, And she was being blunt with me, I knew something was wrong, Because for so long we had been so in love with each other, We where in separable, Soul mates so to say !

After the break up i tried No Contract, But it seemed my mind would control my body into typing text messages to her telling her and begging her to come back (Worst thing you can do), I was so devastated.

She phoned me a few days after No contact, And asked if i could meet her (Which i did), telling me how she had made a mistake, And wants me back, To be honest, We had a fantastic day, We sat in the middle of a quiet field on a lovely summers day and just looked deeply into each others eyes, Kissed for what seemed a life time, I seriously thought that we were going to work things out, However, After a lovely day together, I was wrong.

I phoned her the next day, And she simply told me that the only way she was going to try again was if i kept it a secret, Which i was not going to do !

I have gone no contact from June, I haven't seen her since, She lives a mile down the road, Deleted and blocked her phone number, Facebook, Dropped all her stuff off on her doorstep a few months ago.

No contact is the only way to move on and find peace in your life again, Its so hard to do, There are days where it feels impossible to move on with out her, But believe me, As time goes by, You will move on.

If she was a great girl mate, Then you must have been a great guy to have been with her, There are so many other girls out there waiting for someone to give them the world.

I wish you all the best, Feel free to pm me if you want any advice.

Take care.

Hey,

We were together for 3 years and madly in love. We spent all our time together and it wasn't a problem. We hated being apart from each other and it was quite sad really but we wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not contacting her as I 100% know they don't find it attractive and it's not what I want to be doing. I need to move on and forget. I don't have her on Facebook but her page is public and I cannot stop myself looking. It sucks. When it's someone else it's happening to it seems like nothing but this is the worst pain I have ever ever felt. Emptyness and despair. It's actually pathetic. I just feel that talking about it helps in a way, alst night I stayed in on my own watching TV and I was fine, had a friend round etc then woke at 6am this morning hurting so bad, felt so alone and just started picturing things. I honestly miss her so much and sound like a big jessie but it's the truth.

[Tanguerra]

It's ok. If it's really over you have to come to terms with it, but it's going to be painful, but it WONT last forever. You feel very sad now, and that's OK.

Try to take good care of yourself and try to learn as much as possible something positive out of this whole business. Don't be too tough on yourself for feeling like a 'big jessie'. It's ok. Crying is actually very healthy in a situation like this. You should cry if you feel sad and heartbroken. That's as natural as feeling jealous.

[McRich01]

Hey,

We were together for 3 years and madly in love. We spent all our time together and it wasn't a problem. We hated being apart from each other and it was quite sad really but we wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not contacting her as I 100% know they don't find it attractive and it's not what I want to be doing. I need to move on and forget. I don't have her on Facebook but her page is public and I cannot stop myself looking. It sucks. When it's someone else it's happening to it seems like nothing but this is the worst pain I have ever ever felt. Emptyness and despair. It's actually pathetic. I just feel that talking about it helps in a way, alst night I stayed in on my own watching TV and I was fine, had a friend round etc then woke at 6am this morning hurting so bad, felt so alone and just started picturing things. I honestly miss her so much and sound like a big jessie but it's the truth.

2 years for me and my ex girlfriend, And we where madly in love with each other, We spent every minute with each other (Inseparable), I really did love her like nobody else I've ever been with in my life. We hated being apart from each other to ! People thought it was slightly sad, But to be honest, We where in love and we couldn't care less with what other people would say. I don't find it attractive (Clinginess) but she was very clingy, Don't get me wrong it wasn't a breaker for me, I mean i'd rather her show loads of interest then none at all.

What your feeling right now is what i felt for months, I blocked my ex's facebook in June (She has a public account), Which has helped a lot because the temptation to look isn't there, And by the time you've gone to select 'Unblock' you've told your self not to give in, Also i don't want to have it in my face how happy she is, If shes with someone else, Don't get me wrong i wish the best for her, But i just don't want to see that.

The pain does subside after the first few weeks, Its easy to fall into the habit of beating your self up over it, The more you think about the good times you had together the more you will hurt your self (Believe me i know), Those thoughts will hurt you so much, You have to think about why you broke up, How its made you feel the way shes treated you, Theres always a route cause to a break up, Something was wrong in the relationship.

Talking helps a lot, You need to vent your anger, Frustrations and emotions, Keeping them inside will only make you feel worse.

The worst is when your alone at night with your feelings and thoughts, I used to keep my self so busy, That i would be so tired when it came to sleeping, Working out at the gym for longer then usual, Playing more sports regularly, Going out with friends, Keeping your self busy and your mind sane.

I miss mine from time to time, Its natural, Those feelings do weaken a lot over time.

You'll be fine in the long run, Just give yourself time to adapt to your loss.

[runnytadger]

2 years for me and my ex girlfriend, And we where madly in love with each other, We spent every minute with each other (Inseparable), I really did love her like nobody else I've ever been with in my life. We hated being apart from each other to ! People thought it was slightly sad, But to be honest, We where in love and we couldn't care less with what other people would say. I don't find it attractive (Clinginess) but she was very clingy, Don't get me wrong it wasn't a breaker for me, I mean i'd rather her show loads of interest then none at all.

What your feeling right now is what i felt for months, I blocked my ex's facebook in June (She has a public account), Which has helped a lot because the temptation to look isn't there, And by the time you've gone to select 'Unblock' you've told your self not to give in, Also i don't want to have it in my face how happy she is, If shes with someone else, Don't get me wrong i wish the best for her, But i just don't want to see that.

The pain does subside after the first few weeks, Its easy to fall into the habit of beating your self up over it, The more you think about the good times you had together the more you will hurt your self (Believe me i know), Those thoughts will hurt you so much, You have to think about why you broke up, How its made you feel the way shes treated you, Theres always a route cause to a break up, Something was wrong in the relationship.

Talking helps a lot, You need to vent your anger, Frustrations and emotions, Keeping them inside will only make you feel worse.

The worst is when your alone at night with your feelings and thoughts, I used to keep my self so busy, That i would be so tired when it came to sleeping, Working out at the gym for longer then usual, Playing more sports regularly, Going out with friends, Keeping your self busy and your mind sane.

I miss mine from time to time, Its natural, Those feelings do weaken a lot over time.

You'll be fine in the long run, Just give yourself time to adapt to your loss.

Yeah she was clingy for quite a while and it didn't bother me at all. It felt good to be loved so much. Yeah you're right, I obviously want her to be happy I'm just sad it wasn't with me. Gutted in fact but obviously it wasn't meant to be. I won't be able to help feeling jealous that somebody else will have what I had, loved having and tried so hard to keep. Even writing this makes me feel down again.

I hope this doesn't last for months, I'm wasting away. Reading a Paul McKenna Heal your broken heart book and still struggling even though some of the techniques are quite effective.

I try in my head to hate her and the way she treated me and all the ansty things she said when drunk but it still doesn't change how much I love her and miss her.

I don't have a problem getting to sleep it's just how often I wake in the night and check my phone etc and just lie there thinking. Horrible.

HOLD ME!

[McRich01]

Absolutely, I think the hardest part is understanding and realizing that its over, And they will find happiness else where, Without you.

Its hard to stomach that someone else will have what you had, That someone else will share those amazing moments in life with her, But that's life unfortunately. Like I said, If shes a great girl, Then you must have been a great guy to have her, You'll move on, And you'll find someone more amazing, More Beautiful, More caring then her ! I haven't yet, But I believe i will when the time is right, And so will you.

[runnytadger]

Absolutely, I think the hardest part is understanding and realizing that its over, And they will find happiness else where, Without you.

Its hard to stomach that someone else will have what you had, That someone else will share those amazing moments in life with her, But that's life unfortunately. Like I said, If shes a great girl, Then you must have been a great guy to have her, You'll move on, And you'll find someone more amazing, More Beautiful, More caring then her ! I haven't yet, But I believe i will when the time is right, And so will you.

I think only part of her was a great girl. The bad part of her came out when she was sulking or drunk and it was horrible.

I know it's a cliche but I can't honestly imagine myself being with someone else and feeling the same....even being attracted to them in the first place!

Bit hungover today and feeling even worse. It's relentless.

She would've been out last night having a great time with guys etc and has probably totally forgotten about me whereas I was out constantly thinking about her, when I seen her mates I got nervous, I don't feel like looking at other women as I still hold a flame for her. It sucks and I'm totally helpless. I think I'm going to feel like this for a while. I can tell my friensd are getting fed up of my moping aswell!

[McRich01]

I think only part of her was a great girl. The bad part of her came out when she was sulking or drunk and it was horrible.

I know it's a cliche but I can't honestly imagine myself being with someone else and feeling the same....even being attracted to them in the first place!

Bit hungover today and feeling even worse. It's relentless.

She would've been out last night having a great time with guys etc and has probably totally forgotten about me whereas I was out constantly thinking about her, when I seen her mates I got nervous, I don't feel like looking at other women as I still hold a flame for her. It sucks and I'm totally helpless. I think I'm going to feel like this for a while. I can tell my friensd are getting fed up of my moping aswell!

Unfortunately there true colors shine through in the end !

I know how you feel, Even to this day I still wonder whether i'll ever find someone as 'Great' as her, Or someone that I will love as much as I loved her, And to be honest, Its a scary thought.

Right now you are so overcome with emotions that you're simply not in the right frame of mind to look at being with someone else, I still miss my ex, And since we've broken up I haven't been with anyone else (4 Months ago we split).

Your right, Girls have this ability to 'Rebound' quickly, Perhaps they think its the best way of trying to move on, I can't speak for them, But that's how it seems.

Friends will understand, Well those that have been in a long term relationship will, Its time to build bridges with those friends whom you might of ignored when you where so loved up.

Heartbreak is a scary place to be, But its also your chance to live and learn, To think about where things went wrong, To think about how you acted towards her at times (We're all guilty of taking a good thing for granted), However we don't know what you had until its gone.

It will take time to come to terms with your loss, Also it will take time to come to terms with the fact she's going to move on, Its the hardest learning curve.

You'll be okay in the end though, Trust me.

[runnytadger]

Right this minute I do not think I could feel any worse. I just want to go and drive about in my car. I'm losing the plot!

[headsashed]

Pick me up tadger,ill go for a drive with u lol,im having 1 of those days,my ex was round town last night and i dreas to think what could have happend,im trying fo get those thoughts out of my head

[runnytadger]

Pick me up tadger,ill go for a drive with u lol,im having 1 of those days,my ex was round town last night and i dreas to think what could have happend,im trying fo get those thoughts out of my head

It's torture. Absolute torture. I've absolutely no idea what to do with myself!