The Universe?

[Toddstar]

I am smart enough to discount most anomalies and coincidences in life, I dont believe in God, I dont believe in much....but strange things have happened since I accepted I am without her forever. And I really am. I cringe now when I think of her. My heart hasnt really healed but it is what it is.

The other day I was adjusting my dresser drawer (its old and wood) and my 42 inch TV came off the dresser like it had legs of its own and smashed. Her and I bought that TV. Well I paid for it but it was for us. Today, while watching Netflix on my PS3, it died. We bought that together too. And it is done.

Its a weird feeling, like the Universe is telling to me to let go even more. Is there even more to let go?

She told me she is happy without me and to leave her alone. But she still emails me weird uncalled for updates about kids, rain, treetops, etc. Really random stuff.

I am very happy to be ME now. But I am not sure what she is doing. Yeah, it hurts too! Mute reminders hurt...her name in my blackberry. Its just life. I am 40 on Monday. 40!!! Wow.

Does life start anew at 40? And why does 40 sound so old? Lol!

Todd

[mwahahaha]

I pumped my first chinkey at 40, something i thought id never do.
As for your tv, its no loss, its mostly shite on tv these days, so u wont miss it.
Get yourself a playstation dude, i did when i split with my bird and ive never looked back,
Ive played on all the best courses in the world and broken every course record and amassed over 60 mill dollars in online prize money.
Its not without heartbreak tho, just last week i was at the arse end of a 72 holer and needed 3 pars to be ranked no1 in the world and my mum shouted that my dinner was ready and put me off my stroke. i tripled bogeyed and havnt spoke to her since , lol.
hope this helps

[Tanguerra]

Grief is a slow process. There's not a lot you can do to hurry it along. It takes its own time. Sometimes actually trying to hurry it up will make it worse. It's important to respect your own feelings and be gentle with yourself when you're in a state of grief. Pretending it's not happening won't help. Even if the relationship you were in was no good and at one level you're glad to be out of it, there's still loss and there's still grief. You are feeling grief about your failed relationship and she probably is too. However, it is a bit unfair of her to keep emailing you just to vent her feelings or for whatever reason she does it if you find it upsetting.

Ask her nicely, as a favour, not to email you unless it's about something really important. Explain it to her that this is just holding up your healing process and upsetting you. Maybe after a year or two have gone by you can go back to being 'friends' but maybe now it's too soon as your emotions are still too raw. If she persists, add her to 'Spam'. Seriously. If it turns out she wants to get in touch with you about something that's actually important she'll phone. It's not fair for her to keep stirring up your feelings, especially if it's stuff like telling you what a great life she's having now without you. What purpose does it serve?

As to turning 40, yes, life does kind of begin at 40. (I'm 50 myself). Once you get to 40 you can't keep telling yourself that it's OK to act childishly or mess stuff up or be irresponsible all the time. You hopefully have learned a few things and are a bit more settled emotionally too. You will find that you become a bit wiser with age. Stuff that used to freak you out you will just learn to take in your stride. You might not notice it on day one, but by the end of the year you might look at your life and go, 'Hey, actually, I have started to figure a few things out!'.

[Kyeema]

Hey, I'm 40 too... and 40 is not old it's the new 30 *ggg*... and you wrote: I am very happy to be ME now... what else do you wish for? Isn't that one of the most important things in life? I wish I could say the same about me...

Letting go is a process and takes time... I can relate... my ex left me in May (no exact date here, he simply didn't come home nor call after 8 years together...) and although I know I'm better off without him my hearts still cries and longs for him sometimes... why? I can't even say... but Tanguerra is right, grieving is a process and it takes time... and contact always triggers something in me too. For us it's organisational and financial things... so I can't block him... he doesn't call or email anyway except if I ask him for something (he still owes me a big deal of money which I unfortunately can't afford to forget about *sigh*) then he mostly replies within a week or so, sometimes he doesn't at all which doesn't make it easier... he even still has his stuff at my place (I moved it into the barn), his mail comes here and he is registered at my place... I wanted to change the last two things but I simply couldn't bring myself to make these calls... and I don't know why... I don't want him back - so why can't I do these things, who cares if he's hurt by it? Why am I writing all this here? Because:

I think a small part of me is not yet ready to fully let go... and perhaps there is this part within you too without you even noticing... therefore the universe sends you these little (but unfortunately expensive *argh*) hints to look more closely... or perhaps it's even your subconscious telling you that you need to get rid off her and all that reminds you of her completely...

Love and light
Kyeema

[Horseyguy]

Hey Toddstar. How ya holding up buddy?

I had the same thing, she bought me a zippo petrol lighter for Christmas and it came with a can of fuel. The day I got it I thought was the happiest day of my life, I was so full of love and the can was full.

Seemed ironic that the day I ran out of fuel was the day it ended. I thought the same, the universe is trying to tell me something.

Congrats on your 40th!!!!!!!

And hang in there mate it does get better. When I came here earlier in the year I never thought I'd be here now 9 months later out of that dysfunctional one-way relationship and in a new one with the girl of my dreams.

I don;t think I've ever been as happy as I am now. Took me realising the only person I really need to love is myself, soon as I got my head around that everything else seemed to happen on it's own

[Enigmos]

Toddstar, with 40 comes more wisdom and life experiences. Do not fear it.

I don't rule out the possibility that the Universe IS sending you a message. Accidental damage to two items that you and your ex bought? Perhaps the message could be to not hold on to the past so much? With those items not in view, perhaps that can help you not think of her so much.

Please do hang in there.

Namaste (the spirit in me honors the spirit in you).

[Toddstar]

It was one year ago today she broke my heart...on my birthday no less. And then blamed ME for making her break my heart no less! Its almost been a year (January) that we reconciled for 32 short days. And almost 3 months since she told me she still loved me. And 2 weeks from when she said she didnt know what she was thinking then and she is sooo glad she avoided that mistake. Again. And its been 5 months since her b/f moved in to her home, the home WE had planned on living in.

Yeah Im a little obsessed with time. A YEAR! And I still think about her. Not in anyway of wanting her back, not at all, just...well I dont know what it is. Grief I guess; you all maybe right on there.

Today is NOT the day I should be lamenting, its a holiday Monday, its my b-day, I should be out enjoying myself but for some reason I feel very low today and I cannot explain it even to myself.

I think I am going to volunteer downtown at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen today. I feel a very pressing need to give back, to make someone else feel good.

[Kyeema]

Happy Birthday Toddstar!

I wish you all the best for the coming year - you're a very special person, an old soul, connected to the universe and slowly seeing this connection of all things! Celebrate your birthday in a way that feels appropriate to you, if it's helping others you feel like - go for it! You never know why the universe sends you there.

Yes, it's grief, even if you don't want her back (I feel the same) - you have lost something important in your life, a person you loved and trusted and often with this kind of loss we lose more than just a person... I e.g. lost the trust that people really mean what they say because I found out he lied so many times to me. In the end even when he said he loved me I guess... I lost the belief in finding someone to be with for the rest of my life because I was so sure it was him I'd be with forever - I know this is a childish and hopelessly romantic thought, relationships nowadays seem to be for just a certain period of time, but nonetheless I want to believe in love for life. I still struggle with these and many others things I lost with him and I guess so do you. Ever thought of what else have you lost by losing her?

Give yourself all the time you need to grieve - I think the first anniversary of losing someone is always the hardest especially if it's your birthday... very sad memories...

But it's up to you know to "overwrite" these old memories and make your own beautiful ones you can look back one year from now... so go out and give yourself the best birthday ever!

Big hug,
Kyeema

[smackie9]

I am smart enough to discount most anomalies and coincidences in life, I dont believe in God, I dont believe in much....but strange things have happened since I accepted I am without her forever. And I really am. I cringe now when I think of her. My heart hasnt really healed but it is what it is.

The other day I was adjusting my dresser drawer (its old and wood) and my 42 inch TV came off the dresser like it had legs of its own and smashed. Her and I bought that TV. Well I paid for it but it was for us. Today, while watching Netflix on my PS3, it died. We bought that together too. And it is done.

Its a weird feeling, like the Universe is telling to me to let go even more. Is there even more to let go?

She told me she is happy without me and to leave her alone. But she still emails me weird uncalled for updates about kids, rain, treetops, etc. Really random stuff.

I am very happy to be ME now. But I am not sure what she is doing. Yeah, it hurts too! Mute reminders hurt...her name in my blackberry. Its just life. I am 40 on Monday. 40!!! Wow.

Does life start anew at 40? And why does 40 sound so old? Lol!

Todd

40? Oh to be 40 again......

[lakers.rulez]

It was one year ago today she broke my heart...on my birthday no less. And then blamed ME for making her break my heart no less! Its almost been a year (January) that we reconciled for 32 short days. And almost 3 months since she told me she still loved me. And 2 weeks from when she said she didnt know what she was thinking then and she is sooo glad she avoided that mistake. Again. And its been 5 months since her b/f moved in to her home, the home WE had planned on living in.

Yeah Im a little obsessed with time. A YEAR! And I still think about her. Not in anyway of wanting her back, not at all, just...well I dont know what it is. Grief I guess; you all maybe right on there.

Today is NOT the day I should be lamenting, its a holiday Monday, its my b-day, I should be out enjoying myself but for some reason I feel very low today and I cannot explain it even to myself.

I think I am going to volunteer downtown at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen today. I feel a very pressing need to give back, to make someone else feel good.

Happy Birthday, Toddstar!

It's kinda cruel to have the break up on your birthday but it looks like you are doing fine. My EX broke up with me two days before my birthday. I still haven't gotten over her yet coming 6 months soon. Well, happy birthday to you. It's lovely day today. I'm also home and enjoy a holiday.

[Horseyguy]

'Happy Birthday Toddstar, hope it's a good one!!!

[Toddstar]

Thank you all for the birthday wishes!