Originally Posted by
Tanguerra
Hmmm. I have to admit it doesn't look good. Let's leave the alleged lying and possible cheating aside for a moment though.
The surface disagreement about her friend in my view should not even be a source of discord in the first place. She should be able to have whatever friends she wants, even if those friends of hers don't like you. Even if those friends of hers say mean things about you, that's not nice, but it doesn't mean they can't still be friends. That's annoying, but it's allowed. She ought to say to her friend 'now, that's not nice. You shouldn't speak about my boyfriend like that', but it doesn't mean she has to break the whole friendship off over it. The fact that she had a fight with her friend, but then they worked it out after an apology, is actually I think rather sweet and is certainly 100% none of your business. Being big enough to accept and apology is a good thing, not a bad thing. People do dumb stuff all the time. We're human. It happens. If someone apologises and says they won't do it again, that should be the end of the matter 90% of the time.
"Through or relationship there has been quite a few down. With possible cheating from her side (Found messages to an ex saying she loved him and then lied about where she was one afternoon) Also being made to feel worthless and unloved over the nearly 4 years together.Even more so when she has had messages with boys, but refused that she has spoken to them and then asked her mates to cover for her. Along with many many lies, but to many to detail."
As for all this stuff, according to you she's been sneaking around behind your back getting up to all sorts of mischief, but let's just do a quick reality check... This is just to help you see the other side of the story for a minute from a 'chick perspective' if you like. It takes two to tango after all.
Are you perhaps being a bit controlling? WHY are you reading her text messages? Maybe she does still love her 'ex'? I still love a couple of my exes - just not in 'that way' any more. After all, we broke up because it wasn't 'working' for whatever reason, not usually because I just didn't like them any more. There is one in particular I sometimes say '"luv ya xx"' or whatever at the end of a text message. I do love him. I love him like a brother. He's one of my best mates. That's cool. Anyone who was so insecure that they couldn't handle me being friends with him wouldn't last long with me. If they were so controlling they said I couldn't be friends with him any more they'd be shown the door quick smart.
WHY are you making her account for her whereabouts all the time, so that if she goes 'missing' one afternoon you suspect she's having an affair? How do you know she didn't go to the gynecologist or something and didn't think that was any of your business? Does she have a right to her own life? I'm just saying, there are two sides to every story and sometimes a perfectly innocent explanation for things.
However, I assume you know this woman quite well after four years.
You say things haven't been too good for a while though. 'There have been a lot of downs' and you feel worthless and unloved. Have you tried discussing this with her? Or do you just trudge on bravely and hope that things will improve? What have you been doing lately to make things better between you? Does she ever complain to you about what she wants you to do, like take her out more often, or be more romantic or that kind of thing? Maybe instead of focussing on trying to control her and make her behave the way you want (especially in terms of who she's allowed to be friends with) you could put a bit more energy into being nicer to her, more attentive, more romantic - you know, doing stuff that girls like? This might help?
Before you just give up on a four year relationship over something that really is a bit of a frivolous issue on a scale of one to ten, maybe it's time for a little outside help even, from a counsellor so you can get both sides of the 'story' worked out by a third party?
Just a few thoughts. Hope it helps.