disappearing acts

[Jazzersize]

You should really be ashamed of yourself. You are precisely the reason guys get a bad reputation. You manipulate nice girls who have a lot to offer, and you leave them broken hearted in a heap, and you make them bitter towards nice guys who would treat them well... I ****ing hate men like you.

What is it you have to offer? There are billions of women out there. What is it that you specifically have to offer that plenty of other women don't? You're attractive and you're literate, probably educated. That does put you above a lot of women, but there are still plenty in your league. Why should a guy like me give pause?

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm sincerely interested in what you have to say.

Companionship? I have friends who provide that, and they don't make nearly as many demands as a girlfriend. Love? It's there for the taking if I ever want it. Same with sex. I guess you could make the argument that I'd get sex more frequently, but to be honest sex is more enjoyable when I work for it.

Why should I give up my freedom? I just don't see what I get out of the deal that I'm not already getting without paying the price.

[romantic_guy]

Tremolo, I have been reading your posts and my heart aches for you. It is no wonder you are confused and hurting. Please don't give up on men. Not every guy is like that or like Jazzersize for that matter. I have never been a guy like that so I have no idea what is going on with him. You have probably read my story already. For me I am so blessed to have had only one sex partner since I was 16, for over 39 years. She is all I have ever wanted. No one else would even come close to the friendship, companionship and intimacy we share. I am glad I gave up my so called "freedom."

I really hope you can find that special someone, a guy who will respect you, love you, cherish you.

Maybe you should text him and say that since you did not hear from him you are moving on. We had a great time and it was fun while it lasted...sorry it did not work out. (You are too good for him anyway.)

Anybody else think that is reasonable??? At least she is being upfront and honest by doing that.

[Wakeup]

^^^ I think it's certainly worth the effort if it gives her closure.

[tremolo]

Tremolo, I have been reading your posts and my heart aches for you. It is no wonder you are confused and hurting. Please don't give up on men. Not every guy is like that or like Jazzersize for that matter. I have never been a guy like that so I have no idea what is going on with him. You have probably read my story already. For me I am so blessed to have had only one sex partner since I was 16, for over 39 years. She is all I have ever wanted. No one else would even come close to the friendship, companionship and intimacy we share. I am glad I gave up my so called "freedom."

I really hope you can find that special someone, a guy who will respect you, love you, cherish you.

Maybe you should text him and say that since you did not hear from him you are moving on. We had a great time and it was fun while it lasted...sorry it did not work out. (You are too good for him anyway.)

Anybody else think that is reasonable??? At least she is being upfront and honest by doing that.

Thank you for all of this... It's really nice to know there are good men out there who treat women with the respect they deserve. I'm really happy for you that you've been so blessed in the love department... and I hope I get there too, someday. I would send that text you suggested, but I've already deleted all the guy's contact information. Probably best, I suppose. If he ever resurfaces, I'll have a few things to say to him - but Wakeup, you're right, at this point I won't be getting involved with him further.

Jazzersize - you're right that there are a billion women out there, and I am well aware that many of them are more beautiful than me, more interesting than me, more accomplished than me, whatever. But I still maintain that a guy who would be hard pressed to find someone who can offer all the many things I can, in one package. I don't need or care to try to convince you of that. As someone who prefers to be as unattached as possible and to use women purely for sex, I'm sure you wouldn't be interested in half of what I'd tell you anyway. That's fine. But I don't imagine for a second that whatever woman this guy may be seeing now could offer him more than I could, all things considered. He told me after a really strange and spontaneous date of ours - a date most girls would probably turn up their noses at- that he couldn't believe he'd found such a beautiful woman who he could have so much fun with and be totally at ease with. Whatever he may have said to try to get in my pants on other occasions, I'm pretty sure he wasn't bullshitting me then.

Anyway. I didn't think this guy had anything to hide until I started this thread and then tried to dig up information on him. I do know his last name, and where he went to law school, and I now find it somewhat suspicious that I can't seem to find anything about his law practice on the internet. My ex (also a lawyer) didn't have much of a presence on the internet, but even he had a few work-related pages. At worst, he is probably hiding something - another woman, most likely. At best, he's probably a flawed individual who is easily offended and shitty at resolving conflicts. I guess I'll probably never know. But thank you all for your comments... and you Wakeup and romantic_guy for your words of encouragement.

[tremolo]

Not that it really matters anymore, but after some more google sleuthing, I've realized I had a letter in his last name wrong. I found several websites that mention him, and everything he's told me checks out. I think I've found his facebook too, but I can't see anything, so... who knows what's going on in his social life. Ah well.

[tremolo]

Oh god... I believe I've just found a marriage record. He never mentioned to me that he had been married, so... ****. I wouldn't be surprised if he still was.

Oh, how stupid I am....

[Wakeup]

Sweetie pie. You are not the first person to be fooled by disingenuous ass wipes so don't lose site of the fact that a liar, lies. Don't take on his shittiness as something that is deficient in you. Just remember the red flags so that if you ever get another ass wipe in your life you'll suss out his crap sooner and give him the heave sooner rather than later.

[romantic_guy]

No you are not stupid...you are trusting. It would be very easy for you not to trust now and carry that into another relationship. Yes be careful, but don't allow this to define you.

I get so pissed at these asshole men!!!!!

[tremolo]

I've just asked a lawyer friend of mine to check on this marriage and whether there was ever a divorce. I have to say, as mad as I am about all this, I would almost be relieved in a way to know there's some clear reason why he is treating me this way. Man.

Thank you all for your comments - and Wakeup, thanks for pushing the wife thing. I'm really glad I investigated that again.

Edit: If I am correct about this marriage, his wife even looks like me sort of. This is just way too creepy and confusing...

Edit 2: I'm certain now that is his wife since they're facebook friends. God damn it!

[Wakeup]

You're welcome, but it's not 100% for sure that he's married still so let us know what you discover. In any event I think you're getting some closure from your digging which will help you to forget a dissappearing douche no matter what his excuse for disappearing may be.

[tremolo]

I'm quite positive they're married still. This woman's facebook has her maiden name and her new name and she's friends with him and all of his family members. It looks as well like his brother is not engaged but married, so I highly doubt he is living with him. I cannot believe all this.... I really can't. I've been told some lies by guys before, but this really takes the cake.

Perhaps they're having problems or are separated, but... that is just so inexcusable.

[tremolo]

After spending entirely too much time digging, I've learned that my guy has been married for 6 years, and still is married. I've seen his engagement photos, I've learned that his brother was married before we even met... I've gone back through emails and seen that he deliberately misspelled his name - likely, so I wouldn't be able to find him online and learn all this about him. Seems I am not only too good for him, I am too smart for him. I've learned that his wife looks strikingly like me, which is very creepy, and that he manipulated more than a few details about his workplace, likely to throw me off track. And I just can't seem to understand why he has done all this to me...

Wakeup, thank you so much for nudging me to investigate all this. I was so certain that couldn't be the case, and now it is clear as day.

I feel like I want to vomit looking at these pictures of his wife and him together. I feel so ill and heartbroken.

[romantic_guy]

I know that i am just some guy in cyberspace somewhere old enough to be your father, but I wish there was something I could do. Do you have anyone "with skin on" that you can talk to? I am sure I speak for many in saying that we are absolutely disgusted with this creep. I also read your other post in the "broken hearts" forum. You sound like such an intelligent and interesting person. Hang in there. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry you are hurting so much.

[Red Apollo]

Wow, that is horrible. It takes a special kind of douchebag to lie to somebody like that. I really feel for you girl. I'm just glad you didn't go any further with him.

Also, his wife looking like you is really damn creepy.

[Wakeup]

I was hoping that by digging and what you would learn, would move your emotional state quickly to the stage of hate and then to indifference to him. He's not worth your "heartbreak" really, he's not. Be disappointed that he isn't the guy you thought he was, be glad you found out about him when you did, Be grateful that you learned about red flags and how they've made you even more dating savy for the future, but don't be heartbroken.