LDR and Dating

[ElectricRed]

I've dated this girl for nearly six months and she's been away for one and three more to come. I care about her so much and love her but we're both relatively progressive and we decided that we only believed in "emotional monogamy" - we don't want to hear about whatever the other one is doing unless one of us is developing a real relationship on the side.

I meet girls sometimes and wish I could ask them out. I kind of feel bad that I have that impulse but it's basically a result of simple attraction - it's not like I don't love my gf. I feel that I can't ask them out because this would probably lead to some kind of physical and/or emotional development. I feel like our monogamy policy is to turn a blind-eye to drunken hook-ups and flings - not an excuse to date people, but am I wrong?

Would it be wrong to ask girls out? I know I would have to tell them about my gf before anything happens but I can't decide if going on dates is alright. I'm in my early 20's so I feel like I should be exploring but at the same time I would be devastated to lose and/or hurt my gf.

[lizzy-bet]

I know if I met a guy who had a girlfriend, I wouldn't be interested because I know the relationship wouldn't go anywhere. I think the only type of women that would be interested are ones you'll only have or want something sexual with.

However, if you feel bad and love your girlfriend, I would discuss this arrangement again. I have definitely had issues and problems with my marriage, but I wouldn't take any of that back and we've been married since I was 20. Unless sex with other people is that important, hang that stuff on the shelf and concentrate on the relationship with your girlfriend.

[HeartIsAching]

I've dated this girl for nearly six months and she's been away for one and three more to come. I care about her so much and love her but we're both relatively progressive and we decided that we only believed in "emotional monogamy" - we don't want to hear about whatever the other one is doing unless one of us is developing a real relationship on the side.

I meet girls sometimes and wish I could ask them out. I kind of feel bad that I have that impulse but it's basically a result of simple attraction - it's not like I don't love my gf. I feel that I can't ask them out because this would probably lead to some kind of physical and/or emotional development. I feel like our monogamy policy is to turn a blind-eye to drunken hook-ups and flings - not an excuse to date people, but am I wrong?

Would it be wrong to ask girls out? I know I would have to tell them about my gf before anything happens but I can't decide if going on dates is alright. I'm in my early 20's so I feel like I should be exploring but at the same time I would be devastated to lose and/or hurt my gf.

Are you going to actually see your GF at the end of the 3 months? If so, then yes it would be wrong to ask out other girls. Turn it around - would you like it if she were asking guys out while she was away?

[ElectricRed]

Unless sex with other people is that important, hang that stuff on the shelf and concentrate on the relationship with your girlfriend.

It's not so much the sex as much as just the fun of flirting, dating, and meeting someone new. I haven't been interested in this since our relationship started or when she was gone at first but in her absence I kind of miss that kind of interaction I guess. I'm not miserable by far but just feel like I could be missing out... I should probably suck it up and just focus on other things but I had an interaction today that got me thinking.

Are you going to actually see your GF at the end of the 3 months? If so, then yes it would be wrong to ask out other girls. Turn it around - would you like it if she were asking guys out while she was away?

Yes, I am seeing her then. But given our conditions of "emotional monogamy", it wouldn't really be wrong unless I started developing feelings for someone else and didn't tell her (that's how we defined it at least, ie: we didn't say the arrangement was to discount one-night stands/screw ups, that was just my understanding). Insofar as turning it around, I usually use that trick the other way, ie: when I feel jealous or upset about something on her end. Yes, if she asked someone out I wouldn't be happy but then I'd think what if I asked someone else out. She's away and it doesn't really say much about how I feel about her and it doesn't change things between us until it gets serious with someone else.

[HeartIsAching]

I think you're trying to find ways to rationalize making it alright. But hey, it's your life, do what you want.

[JDLong89]

Dude, read my post forum i got alot of advice because me and my (ex) GF are goin thru the same thing.

[sadie_genie]

The worst thing is to feel like the relationship with your gf is stopping you from doing something you want. You should want to be with her because she is someone special and you don't want to be with anyone else. You shouldn't stay exclusive solely for the reason you don't want to lose her or is afraid of hurting her because eventually you would regret you missed out on something. You are still in the have fun mind frame so you are not ready for a relationship. Just be honest with her.