Stick it out or cut him loose?

[Dilemma01]

Been with my bf for 7 years. Great relationship, no trust issues, got along amazing, incredibly compatible. BUT he is pretty depressed past few years bc his career is not where he thought it would be so it is taking a toll on our relationship. I have tried everything I possibly can to get him going, motivate him, make him happy but he is still ehhh and doesn't really work. I do love him with all my heart but am starting to think i will be stuck with a depressed person he rest of my life. What happens when I have kids and he gets depressed again? I will have to take care of everything? Can people change? SO CONFUSED!! I wish someone could smack him and tell him to wake up!!!!

[bulrush]

My pay isn't exactly where I thought it would be, but the company is solid and I make the best of life anyway.

What do you mean "he doesn't really work"? Does he have a job? What degree does he have? What are his skills? What state is he in?

I ask about the state because some US states are doing very well, while some states, like Michigan where I am, are still floundering, especially in the manufacturing sector. Road construction is booming here, for the past 3 years. But not much else.

[James Banes]

Hate to tell you this, but guys put their career on a higher pedastal than their relationships. When a guy is unhappy in his career then his personal life starts to take a nosedive.

Things won't get better until he gets a satisfying career. By that time you might have already broken up with him.

[Dilemma01]

When I say he doesn't really work.. I say it bc his father owns a buisness and he basically just goes in there, gets paid to be there but doesn't do much of anything while there. I know when it comes to money and career it can kill a guys pride. Which is why i feel I need to break it off. I feel like he may just need some time along to get his life together and really concentrate on what HE wants and what makes him happy. If he isn't happy with him, WE can't ever be happy.

[Mathias]

Hate to tell you this, but guys put their career on a higher pedastal than their relationships. When a guy is unhappy in his career then his personal life starts to take a nosedive.

Things won't get better until he gets a satisfying career. By that time you might have already broken up with him.

Your blanket statements about groups of people, whether it be guys, teenage girls, Asians, etc. are getting ridiculous, and they're usually wrong.

Offering advice is great. Telling someone that "all of group x acts this way" is stereotyping.

[James Banes]

When I say he doesn't really work.. I say it bc his father owns a buisness and he basically just goes in there, gets paid to be there but doesn't do much of anything while there. I know when it comes to money and career it can kill a guys pride. Which is why i feel I need to break it off. I feel like he may just need some time along to get his life together and really concentrate on what HE wants and what makes him happy. If he isn't happy with him, WE can't ever be happy.

Have you suggested him getting a new career or a hobby? Sometimes getting a hobby helps. I know it does for me.

Your blanket statements about groups of people, whether it be guys, teenage girls, Asians, etc. are getting ridiculous, and they're usually wrong.

Offering advice is great. Telling someone that "all of group x acts this way" is stereotyping.

I could say "generally speaking" or "many guys act such and such way" but always have to remind people you're generalizing or speaking about a portion is redundant.

Also, she said her man has lost interest in her because he's not happy with his career. So it looks like I am actually correct in this case.

[Mathias]

Have you suggested him getting a new career or a hobby? Sometimes getting a hobby helps. I know it does for me.

I could say "generally speaking" or "many guys act such and such way" but always have to remind people you're generalizing or speaking about a portion is redundant.

Also, she said her man has lost interest in her because he's not happy with his career. So it looks like I am actually correct in this case.

Keep rationalizing. I'm trying to help you look less ridiculous.

I don't mind stopping, since you're too hard-headed to step back and think about it.

[James Banes]

From a thread asking why Asian women prefer white men over Asian men:

It's because we have bigger dicks. Sorry, man.

It's good to know I'm not the only one who likes to generalize.

[Mathias]

From a thread asking why Asian women prefer white men over Asian men:



It's good to know I'm not the only one who likes to generalize.

So you pull a post where I'm clearly joking?

You've got to be kidding. Or this is shtick. Which is it?

(that's rhetorical - I don't actually care. Quit trying to shoot the messenger and think about it for once.)

[James Banes]

I'd say you're only now clearly joking so you can squirm out of this. You just don't wanna admit you generalize too. If you were clearly joking then you would have put "just kidding" or "lol" or a smiley face at the bottom.

I'll shoot the damn messenger. Do you know why? Cuz I'm clearly right at this point. He has lost interest in her because of his depression over his job. She said that. I said that. What more do you need?

[Mathias]

I'd say you're only now clearly joking so you can squirm out of this. You just don't wanna admit you generalize too. If you were clearly joking then you would have put "just kidding" or "lol" or a smiley face at the bottom.

Dude, the very next post was someone (correctly) taking it as a joke:

LMAO. i wouldn't know.

Anyone of average intelligence can see that I was kidding. You don't randomly insert a penis comment into a thread unless you're kidding. You don't have to "lol" at your own joke - in fact, most people consider that lame.

I'll shoot the damn messenger. Do you know why? Cuz I'm clearly right at this point. He has lost interest in her because of his depression over his job. She said that. I said that. What more do you need?

I think it's hilarious that you're denying what I'm saying - but doing exactly what I'm saying in the same few sentences.

My point: You take one example (yourself, what another poster says, etc.) and use it to generalize an entire group of people. In this quote above, you say that you're clearly right in generalizing because this particular person is having the issue you described.

Seriously, man. Step back from this.

[James Banes]

I already explained how I'm not generalizing an entire group of people. I'm only talking about some. But putting, "generally speaking" is redundant. If I said, "Women love to gossip", would you think I meant all women? That statement applies to a signficant number of women. Not all.

[Dilemma01]

James- yes I have suggested it, as did his therapist. He is very into the gym and loves being there because he is very fit and joys taking care of himself. I suggested looking into personal training or physical therapy. But he didn't feel either would bring in enough money.