Broken Heart

[stellaA]

Hi

I was in a relationship for 6 years, friends for 3 year before that. We were living together for 1 year. My partner then went into hospital and decided he needed space and that he couldn't committ to me. This came out of the blue and I thought we were happy and never thought I would be with anyone else. He was also my best friend. I feel so alone and think about him all the time. It has been 2/3 months since we split up and I want to start feeling like I can move on. The break up was ok, we didn't fall out and still wave to each other when we pass (we live very near each other). I thought this man would be the father of my children and my husband, he has now decided he has things to do before he settles down.

I am completely heart broken and miss him so much, we got along so well, this was a suprise for me. I even had to take anti-depressanst to help me. I am trying to get my life back on track but I'm finding it a daily struggle even though people around me would think I am ok.

[James Banes]

Stella, are you a guy?

[Cerby]

Stella, are you a guy?

What does that have to do with anything? And on that note, have you contributed positively to any thread since you joined here?

Stella, what is your question? Are you just looking for advice on getting over him, or advice on getting him back (which there really isn't any)

[James Banes]

Because homosexual relationships have a different dynamic than heterosexual relationships. I was asking that to get the right context for my response.

And how the hell do you know I haven't contributed positively? You read all my 100+ posts? Have you contributed positively?

[Mathias]

Because homosexual relationships have a different dynamic than heterosexual relationships. I was asking that to get the right context for my response.

And how the hell do you know I haven't contributed positively? You read all my 100+ posts? Have you contributed positively?

100 posts isn't a lot. Most of the regulars (including Cerby) have probably read the vast majority of them.

I was going to post the same point, but didn't feel like getting into another argument with you where you get butthurt and start throwing out insults.

There was no real reason to go there. The context isn't that different, and it's not like you ask every single poster you reply to for that information. It was weird.

[James Banes]

For the love of God, what the hell does butthurt mean? What idiot came up with that stupid word?

Asking for a person's gender is no big deal. So what if I never asked before. I'm curious now. Homosexual relationships receive more overt and covert discrimination than heterosexual relationships. It can be harder to cope when the loss is due to a homosexual relationship. For instance, when my bisexual cousin lives in a rural, conservative town in the midwest. When she lost her bf because there were many guys around and people to support her. However, when she dated another female and lost her it was difficult to find another bisexual female to get with and the community wasn't supportive of homosexual relationships. So yes, the context is different.

Cerby and Mathias, you two should learn to lighten up before you make judgments on my posts.

[stellaA]

To start with....i'm female, i don't think i want him back, i want to get over him. Right now i know i would take him back even though it may not be the best idea. Just feel so heartbroken

[James Banes]

You contradicted yourself. You said you don't think you want him back. But then you say you can't get over him. Then you say you would take him back.

You can't over someone so easily when you live in the same town. If you want to get over him, then you should move to a different town.

[stellaA]

Because i still love him. He dumped me...he doesn't want a relationship right now. I miss him but could i trust him not to hurt me again. I guess it's hard getting over my first love. I can't move town at the moment as i can'g afford it

[Cerby]

You contradicted yourself. You said you don't think you want him back. But then you say you can't get over him. Then you say you would take him back.

You can't over someone so easily when you live in the same town. If you want to get over him, then you should move to a different town.

Don't take this advice StellA, moving to another town to get over someone is plain stupid. I live only a few blocks from an ex and I got over her no problem, even though we did run into each other once in a while.

You know you shouldn't be with him, but you also think you might take him back right now. You need to heal as most other normal people do, work through the stages of grief, don't cave to your desires to contact him, and take it day by day. We've all been there, and all survived. (Most of us without having to move to another town)

[stellaA]

Movig town is not an option. I'm hoping i can do this and try and avoid all the places my ex goes. I'm hoping with time it will get easier, just miss him right and would have done anything for him....still feel like i would!

[James Banes]

Cerby, was your relationship with your ex after 6 years like the OP? Even though she dated him for 3 years, that long can still be intense. When I first broke up with my gf of nearly 3 years I was devastated. She went to the same church I did. It hurt just to see her on Sundays. That's why I had to start attending different churches just to help get over her.

Not everyone gets over a relationship no problem. It's common for many people to spend years pining over their ex. One of the reasons why these people still pine over their ex is because they live the same life and go through the same routines they did when they were in a relationship. So subconsciously, they can't move on because they are constantly reminded of their life with their ex. So moving on shouldn't only be a figure of speech but literal.

Perhaps she shouldn't just move to a new town but find a new life. Stop doing the same old routines she used to do with the ex. She should try to act as if she's living a new life.

[stellaA]

I understand what you are saying about a new life. I have tried to get involved in diff things. I also have a long break coming up where I am traveling for a few weeks so that should be good. It is our anniversary soon, people tell me to look at it as just another date but I know I will find it really hard. I know he will be thinking about me also.

[James Banes]

What new things are you getting involved in?

If he waves on the street, will you still wave back? Why not stop?

[stellaA]

Traveling...sports...reading. We didn't fall out when we broke up so I always said we would be polite if we crossed paths