how to ask her out

[vegeta18]

there is this girl that i really like, and ive liked her for quite a while, we always talk and stuff and im pretty sure i made it really obvious that i like her, many people have even asked me if i liked her or not. Problem is im still not sure if im in the friend zone or not, or if she likes me back. I am thinking of asking her out, but ive never asked a person out in person before, only over msn. I feel like i wouldnt know what to say or how to do it if i asked her out in real life, or if she says no in person, what would we do right after, and i see her everyday so im also scared of the akwardness.

[smackie9]

"Hey I really like you and would like to take you out for dinner and a movie....how does Saturday sound?" No? "Well you can't blame a guy for trying, thought I would give it a shot, no worries (smile). "Oh well, I would like to stay friends if that's ok I think you are pretty cool to hang out with".

There's a possibility there will be awkwardness and she wont talk to you socially too much again, but those are the chances you take. You can't make changes in your like unless you take risks, so what the hell. If it doesn't work out, there are plenty of other girls to ask out. Just remember for next time, don't wait so long, if you like her, ask her out asap, stop being a wus, girls like a guy that is up front and confident

[TheTooya]

Ask her out in person, do NOT do it over MSN, and heres some science as to why:

In communication, 10% of a message is given in the words, 30% is given in tone, and 60% is given in body language.

Asking out in person shows her the full spectrum of what you are trying to say, and you get to see her tone/body language reaction as a response to what you said. She might say no, laugh it off and move on.

[vegeta18]

okay guys, i think im gonna ask her out to the movies maybe this weekend or something, and then tell her i like her and would like to start dating her when were there? is that like a normal thing to do? :$

[smackie9]

Emphasizing too much on "your feelings" too early it will make her feel a little uncomfortable. You have to stipulate at the beginning that it is a date. Say "I'd like to take you out on a DATE, how about seeing blah blah blah (movie)this weekend?" Usually it's best to express your feelings when you have gone out on like 4 dates, have gotten somewhat physical, like kissing, then you tell her. Telling someone right away doesn't increase your chances. You need to leave some mystery, some suspense, a build up before revealing.

[devonbrown]

I agree that you don't need to share all your feelings so soon. Just ask her to go do something with you - movie, dinner, etc. But do what smackie9 says and be sure to use the word "date." Make sure she knows it is a date and not just hanging out.

If she says yes, great! But continue to play it cool. Don't think it means that she wants to marry you tomorrow. It just means that she is open to the possibility of something more romantic between the two of you.
If she says no, that is okay too. Just tell her that it is cool, and you just thought you would ask. And then remember that it is not the end of the world. The more you ask people out, the more you will realize that it is important that you keep your confidence high.

And finally, to quote Yoda, "Do, or do not. There is no try."

Good luck.

[vegeta18]

okay so i didnt follow the advice exactly, but me and her have been hangin out and talkin at school daily, i asked her if shed wanna go to a concert together and she said yes.I personally thought itd just be more comfortable asking her out there, we are going this saturday, and we talk and stuff at school everyday should i mention something about us dating b4 we go?

I was thinknig that i would just tell her that i like her while we were there instead of at school but a few questions i have are, when during the concert should i ask? if i ask too early and im with her for the rest of the night after being rejected, wouldnt it be wierd possibly ruin the night? should i ask randomly while were listening to some music there? what should i say? "hey, i actually really like you, and was wondering if youd wanna start dating?"

[faithfulyet]

well, i wouldn't say anything to her before the concert, because if she's not into you that way then she might feel awkward and cancel on you.

and as for saying something AT the concert... i guess it depends. what concert are you going to? because the type of music could change the mood for the both of you.

[vegeta18]

It is a local show, a pretty small venue downtown, mostly rock/screamo music going on

[Yet another guy]

In communication, 10% of a message is given in the words, 30% is given in tone, and 60% is given in body language.

That's total bullshit. If it was true I could go to a restaurant in China and order in Finnish and get pretty much what I wanted.

[bulrush]

In communication, 10% of a message is given in the words, 30% is given in tone, and 60% is given in body language.

Body language interpretation is a bunch of BS. My body language does NOT reflect what I'm feeling. Because I work out with weights, and I sit in an office all day, I'm always stretching one way or another. Like, I cross my arms at the end of the day to stretch out my right arm, which is my mouse arm, which gets stiff at the end of the day. My crossed arms do not mean I don't want to interact. It's another way I stretch. I also put my hands behind my back to stretch the front of my shoulders, not because I'm shy.

Anyway, here's another way to see if she wants to go out with you: "If I asked you on a date, would you go with me?"

If she says "yes" then ask her on a date with a specific place, date and time.

[TheTooya]

That's total bullshit. If it was true I could go to a restaurant in China and order in Finnish and get pretty much what I wanted.

Making stupid faces isn't going to get you stir fried chicken, you're right... You're grossly missing the point I was making.

Body language interpretation is a bunch of BS. My body language does NOT reflect what I'm feeling. Because I work out with weights, and I sit in an office all day, I'm always stretching one way or another. Like, I cross my arms at the end of the day to stretch out my right arm, which is my mouse arm, which gets stiff at the end of the day. My crossed arms do not mean I don't want to interact. It's another way I stretch. I also put my hands behind my back to stretch the front of my shoulders, not because I'm shy.

Listen, I am not going to waste my time "arguing" this: you project a lot more of your communication in person rather than in text. I'm not suggesting anyone go out there, stare at you stretching your arms, and pass judgement.... truth is they will do that by themselves. What I am saying, is that we limit ourselves by opting to email/msn rather than in person.

People project out much more than the words they say.

Anyway, here's another way to see if she wants to go out with you: "If I asked you on a date, would you go with me?"

Absolutely no reason to be passive about it, shes going to get the same message regardless. You might as well take some charge and ask "would you like to go on a date", rather than ask how she would respond if you asked her on a date. WAY too much unnecessary indirection.
___

okay so i didnt follow the advice exactly, but me and her have been hangin out and talkin at school daily, i asked her if shed wanna go to a concert together and she said yes.I personally thought itd just be more comfortable asking her out there, we are going this saturday, and we talk and stuff at school everyday should i mention something about us dating b4 we go?

I was thinknig that i would just tell her that i like her while we were there instead of at school but a few questions i have are, when during the concert should i ask? if i ask too early and im with her for the rest of the night after being rejected, wouldnt it be wierd possibly ruin the night? should i ask randomly while were listening to some music there? what should i say? "hey, i actually really like you, and was wondering if youd wanna start dating?"

So my random advice, for what its worth:

Ask her on a 'date' after the concert. No need to make things awkward early on. Also, you don't need to say "I really like you", asking her out on a date will give her the same message, and will be much easier.

If she says yes, great(!) But remember its just a date.

If she says no, thats fine too, move on, etc.

[smackie9]

Never put anyone on the spot during a date, if she says no, then it makes for an awkward evening. At the end of the evening, officially ask her out on a "DATE" and say that you would like to see her more....she will get the hint.. I never ever had a guy ask me if we could be exclusive. If there is physical contact, kissing at the end of a date then that is pretty much a go, of "becoming" exclusive. Let things take it's course.

[Yet another guy]

Making stupid faces isn't going to get you stir fried chicken, you're right... You're grossly missing the point I was making.

If I ever make a point by telling that penguins are made of cheese, I hope you'll return the favour

[James Banes]

I disagree with bulrush on the communication thing. But he's definitely right when it comes to asking a woman out. Being direct is the only way to go. Being passive is the worst. It either makes you come off as creepy, lame, or both. Always be direct.