long story, but please read

[faithfulyet]

well, let me just start off by saying that reads this will probably view me as hypocritical, a cheater, and a dick. also, its a long story. be that as it may, please read it and tell me what you think, because i'm in desperate need of advice.

the people involved in this story have their names changed, because even though i don't think they'll see this, i can never be too sure.

the past:
i met the girl who would become my best friend in high school. her name is olivia. i never spoke with her until my senior year (grad '08). we became friends almost instantly. she had a lot going wrong in her love life. the guys she dated either abused or rejected her. she was a mess. i was the friend that she could talk to about it. the one who didn't judge her. the one that gave advice about it. i saw her for what she could never see herself as: beautiful, smart, strong, loving, and above all, deserving. i made a promise to myself that i would never be that stereotypical guy who cheats, abuses, etc. we became best friends not long after.

anyway, we went to senior prom (not with each other (she was single, but i wasn't)) and it was fun. she had promised me a dance, but we never got around to it. she told me after that she still owes me one (important). shortly after, we graduated. even more shortly after that, my gf dumps me because she is in love with her best friend (they are still together to this day and i have never held any feelings of anger against her for it). in the following month, one of our classmates, nick, had a grad party that both olivia and i went. i got over my ex quickly, for i realized that i had feelings for my best friend. and i wanted to tell her. so you can imagine how excited i was when she pulled me aside to talk to me about something at the party. before i could tell her though, she told me that she was interested in nick. i didn't tell her how i felt. i couldn't. nick was a good kid. she deserved a good kid after being put through such a gauntlet of horrible men. they started dating...

two years pass. i'm dating other people, but they don't last very long. i can't get my heart to resonate with anyone. except for olivia. because i've been in love with her for over a year. but she's in love with nick. so i've stuck by as her best friend. but don't get me wrong. i'm overjoyed that i can be her best friend. i'm glad to be able to talk to her about things that i can't tell anyone else, and vice versa. all except one thing anyway. the fact that i'm in love with her. it's painful to hear about certain things between her and nick, but i listen anyway, because i like doing it (masochistic, right?).

eventually though, the pain becomes too much for me to handle and i start growing distant from her. in order to prevent this, she demands that i sit down with her and tell her what's wrong. so i tell her, "olivia, i'm madly in love with you. and it hurts me, because i know that there is nothing i can do about it." she figured that that's what it was. i should've known that she'd be able to read her best friend like a book. however, like i said, nothing could be done about it. she told me, "travis, while i am flattered, i have nick, and i'm in love with him. i love you too, but as my best friend. so you have a choice. you can be in my life and we can share a lot of great moments and make great memories. as best friends. or, if it's too painful, you can tell me and i will never talk to you again so that you will stop hurting." needless to say, i chose to stay as her best friend. i don't want to know what i would've done if she stopped talking to me.

the present:
this year (2011) in june, i started dating iris. it's a decent relationship, but idk if it'll last. it's the longest relationship i've had in over four years (yeah, that's saying a lot for me). most of the people in my life don't approve of her because she is quiet and dark. my opinion is the only one that matters. olivia thinks that it's because she set the bar too high for any future gfs (everyone loves her and has told me multiple times that i should date her). speaking of which, i'm still in love with her. i never stopped.

last month, almost exactly a year after i confessed my feelings to her, a day after her 22nd bday, olivia is sitting on my bed confessing her feelings of love to me. and i only sit there and hug her and try to tell her that everything will be ok. she reveals to me that she is having trouble with nick (he didn't remember her bday) and doesn't know if they'll last past the new year. i want to tell her so many things. i want to hold her tightly in my arms. i want to kiss those lips of her's. i want to prove that i can be what nick can't. but i can't do any of those things. i know i have iris and it goes against what i swore to myself three years ago.

one week ago, i visit her at college. we go out with her friends to the club, drink (i'm 21), dance (nick doesn't dance), etc. she's never seen me dress up nicely or dance so she's impressed. i'm watching how much she drinks and i'm not looking to spend a lot myself so we're both buzzed at most. i talk to her about how she still owes me a dance, she laughs, takes my hand, and we start dancing. it's a very passionate dance for the both of us. we dance on and off throughout the entire night.

we go back to her dorm after (i'm staying the night). we drink a little more to keep the buzz up (but we are both thinking clearly). she starts to get a little sad because she had such a great time and doesn't know when we'll be able to have fun like that again. i assure her that it'll be sooner rather then later. regardless, she is still feeling down. she wants me to jump up into her bed and hug her and tell her that it'll all be ok. she asks how i can be so sure. i tell her that i just know. she asks me what will happen if her and nick break up. she is terribly afraid of being alone throughout life. i explain that she will find the perfect guy one day because she is beautiful, smart, strong, loving, and above all, deserving. she smiles a sad smile and tells me that she wishes that i still loved her. i tell her that i never stopped, that it is literally taking all of myself not to kiss her. we lock eyes. we hug. our foreheads and noses touch. we stay like this for five minutes and keep talking about such matters (she just called me right now (figures that we are on this wave length lol)). i throw caution to the wind and move in to kiss her about 50 percent... and a second later she moves in, and our lips connect. we kiss with such passion that i've never felt before. the fireworks that everyone talks about when kissing someone is there for the both of us.

we talked about it and even though we know exactly how we feel about each other now, we can't do anything about it. neither of us feel guilty, which kind of worries me. we have to essentially sit on our hands and wait. if it is meant to happen, it will. we're still best friends. we're both still in relationships. we both feel like we're puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together, but we are being handled by the hands of fate who can't seem to put us together.

so now i need advice. should i stay with iris? i don't know that i can love her while i'm still in love with olivia and i know that she doesn't deserve me. should i break up with her? things might be fixed with olivia and nick, and then i'll be outta luck. we both already said that we won't have another night like that unless we are both single so we can't just hook up.

what would you all do if you were me in this situation?

[IVIajesty]

You're in love with Olivia, you've been best friends with her for years and it's perfectly normal for you to love her and leave Iris for her. I say this because

A) lets just say I have experience in having a best friend become a girlfriend and it's amazing
B) in any other situation this would be wrong and horrible, but you've known Iris for YEARS, she's not some girl you've known for a few days that you think you've fallen in love with (I am a firm nonbeliever of "love at first sight")

If you are both truly confident about your feelings, then you should tell Olivia that you two should leave your bfs/gfs in order to be with each other. If I was you, I would leave Iris before she leaves Nick so she feels more comfortable when its her turn.
HOWEVER, you should let down Iris easily. She still has feelings for you so you should remain gentle.
BTW, I suggest you act quick while Olivia is doubting her relationship with Nick, you never know how long it'll last. This is your opportunity.

Good luck!

[MerryH]

Yeah, you gotta break up with your girlfriend. You're in no position to be in a relationship if you're still in love with someone else and off gallivanting around with them.

we have to essentially sit on our hands and wait.

wtf. WHY? It's not going well with her boyfriend, you're not all that into your current relationship, and you've both confessed your love for each other. Why haven't you guys ended your current relationships in order to be together? What are you waiting for?

[smackie9]

Dude admit it, Iris deserves much better, because well the relationship is a sham, if you have this undying love for Olivia.....it's so unfair to her, and selfish of you. But what comes into question here is, if Olivia claims to have these feelings for you, and is so unsatisfied with Nick, why has she not dropped everything to be with you? Because , mixed with a little alcohol, and neglect from her BF, makes her fall victim to your affections, but only temporarily. She is not going to give you what you want. You lose with both.

[faithfulyet]

IVIajesty - it's a delicate situation, because olivia still loves nick and she feels torn. she issued a deadline to him and if certain things aren't changed then she is going to leave him, but for herself, not for me.

Merry H - like i said, she still loves him. i couldn't tell you if she is still IN love with him or not though.

soulconnection - you're probably right. as it is, I'm a capricorn and olivia's a leo. that alone is a bad mix. but i feel like if i never gave it a shot that i'd never be able to commit to anyone else like i should.

smackie9 - i did admit that iris deserves better. i broke my promise to myself and i know that i'm a horrible person for it. and it's not neglect from nick that olivia faces. it's that she is unsatisfied with nick. he has put on quite a bit of extra weight and she wants him to get back into shape (no, not because she's shallow, but because it's unhealthy). he also needs to figure out what he's going to do with his life and he hasn't got the motivation to stick to any one path. and as for that one night that we shared, the alcohol wasn't a contributing factor in the following morning when we talked about what happened and were completely open with each other about how we felt.

[MerryH]

if certain things aren't changed then she is going to leave him, but for herself, not for me.

I think you're purposely failing to acknowledge that this isn't really true. Read what you wrote:

she asks me what will happen if her and nick break up. she is terribly afraid of being alone throughout life. i explain that she will find the perfect guy one day because she is beautiful, smart, strong, loving, and above all, deserving. she smiles a sad smile and tells me that she wishes that i still loved her.

She was fishing for reassurance that she could fall back on you, in case things don't work out with her boyfriend. I'm not saying she did this intentionally or maliciously, but that's why she said those things.

and it's not neglect from nick that olivia faces. it's that she is unsatisfied with nick. he has put on quite a bit of extra weight and she wants him to get back into shape (no, not because she's shallow, but because it's unhealthy). he also needs to figure out what he's going to do with his life and he hasn't got the motivation to stick to any one path

Olivia is being a terrible friend and girlfriend. You can acknowledge that, right? She's unsatisfied with him, so she issues ultimatums (manipulative,) kisses you (unfaithful,) is stringing you along so she won't have to be alone if she ends her current relationship (selfish, cruel.) It is ridiculous that she "loves" you but is waiting for the issues in her relationship to solve themselves. It's pretty ****ed up, actually.

Also, I'd just like to point out that the issues she has with him won't be solved in a week, or however long she gave him. Losing weight takes months. "Figuring out what he's going to do with his life" and getting "the motivation to stick to any one path" is something that could take years. All he has to do in the next week is join a gym and maybe send out some resumes. And then she's going to stick with him because he's shown that he's making an effort. Then where will you be? Single (because you broke up with Iris, yeah) and still pretending to be her best friend while you secretly pine over her and wish failure upon her relationship.

That's a long post. Well, anyway, see ya later.

[smackie9]

I'm sticking with my last quote.....you lose with both. You need to get your head straight, and stop twisting your perception to suit an unrealistic outcome.

[faithfulyet]

MerryH - true, she hasn't exactly done the right things, but she certainly isn't being manipulative, by tell him to lose weight and get his life in order. if he wants to, he will, but she doesn't want to be held back and feel that need to take care of him. sucks for him and they'll both get hurt by it, but she has to think of herself. i mean, look it from her point of view. would you want to get stuck in a relationship where you weren't happy and if you were, would you try to make some changes in an effort to stay together? And she is giving him months in order to get his life together. thus far, he hasn't done anything since she told him how she felt about everything (that was a month or two ago).

smackie9 - it's not exactly an unrealistic outcome since it could happen. I think i'm being realistic in saying that. however, i'm not throwing everything out the window for this one shot. i'm trying to get things to work with iris. that's not going well though since she can't communicate with me. the correct analogy to use would be that she and i are slaves in ancient egypt pulling and pushing bricks up to build the pyramid (the bricks represent the building blocks and the pyramid represents the relationship). currently, i'm pushing the block that is communication and she is just sitting on top as i do all the work.

[smackie9]

You shouldn't have to be a slave to your relationship....it's out of balance ready to topple over.