I said " i love you" (as a joke) and he disappeared...?

**sylwas** · 21-09-11, 09:45 PM

i was into this guy, kinda liked him( but we didn't know each other well)..and we used to text and flirt, he was always sweet and nice, and he used to contact me often.We were talking about a singer we both like a lot, and as we have similar taste, at some point I wrote him "i love you" (it was just a joke, I meant that I love the fact that he likes the same songs and singer that I like) He text me back "sure you do" , so he took it as a joke. Anyway he texted me that whetever I joke it's too mean. And I explained him that I love the fact he loves my favorite singer. We kept texting that day, but then he has never contacted me again. Well...it's OK, I'd wanted to know him better, but anyway it's OK

that's not the problem...i olny want to know if, in your opinion, he disappeared because I said "i love u",?
anyway, before all this happened, he had asked me how do i feel about him, and i told him. (so he should knew that i wasn't in love with him)

**Mathias** · 21-09-11, 10:02 PM

You're dealing with a correlation vs. causation issue.

He could've left for a variety of reasons, and one sticks in your mind, so you're associating it with that. Don't.

**vashti** · 21-09-11, 10:07 PM

I agree with Mathias, but want to add that you need to be more careful about what you text to people. It is too easy for people to misinterpret what you write.

**Simple Love** · 22-09-11, 05:31 AM

Yea I agree I think it was a little misinterpretation... And it gave him a little scare...

**sylwas** · 22-09-11, 05:56 AM

yeah but i explained to him that it was only a joke...and that i meant i love that he likes the same music that i like...

**Cerby** · 22-09-11, 06:14 AM

Originally Posted by sylwas

yeah but i explained to him that it was only a joke...and that i meant i love that he likes the same music that i like...

Through text it can be interpreted any way he wants, that why you shouldn't say silly things through text. IF this is the reason he stopped talking to you, lesson learned. But it probably had more to do with it than that.

**bulrush** · 23-09-11, 01:18 AM

So you joke about love? It makes you look very, very shallow, like you lack committment. IMO.

**sylwas** · 23-09-11, 03:25 AM

Originally Posted by bulrush

So you joke about love? It makes you look very, very shallow, like you lack committment. IMO.

youtube.com/watch?v=hRwQkdRda-g&feature=related

watch at 0.49

it's something that people say....

**Wakeup** · 23-09-11, 03:33 AM

Originally Posted by sylwas

youtube.com/watch?v=hRwQkdRda-g&feature=related

watch at 0.49

it's something that people say....

Trivalizing it and then justifying that trivalization certainly doesn't make it right. Do You see the point?

Anyway, I doubt that is why he's vanished. He's just a knob who doesn't know how to tell someone he's done. IMO.. this is why he disappeared..

anyway, before all this happened, he had asked me how do i feel about him, and i told him. (so he should knew that i wasn't in love with him)

He doesn't want anymore female "pals" and was probably looking for a romantic relationship with you. You told him "no dice" so he's onto bigger and better things than a platonic pal and he's not interested in maintaining a cuddle bitch/emotional tampon kinda relationship with you.

I think more men should have his attitude. (if indeed that's what he's done) If she aint chasing you then you're just her girlfriend with dangly bits so get the hell outta dodge, should be the attitude of the day.

**sylwas** · 23-09-11, 03:47 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

[/b]
Trivalizing it and then justifying that trivalization certainly doesn't make it right. Do You see the point?

Anyway, I doubt that is why he's vanished. He's just a knob who doesn't know how to tell someone he's done. IMO.. this is why he disappeared.. He doesn't want anymore female "pals" and was probably looking for a romantic relationship with you. You told him "no dice" so he's onto bigger and better things than a platonic pal and he's not interested in maintaining a cuddle bitch/emotional tampon kinda relationship with you.

I think more men should have his attitude. (if indeed that's what he's done) If she aint chasing you then you're just her girlfriend with dangly bits so get the hell outta dodge, should be the attitude of the day.

when he asked me how do i feel about him...i said that i think he's very good looking and that i was interested in getting know him better cause when we met he seemed very nice to me and i like to text him, but that it's hard to say if i like him or not...cause i don't know him

**Wakeup** · 23-09-11, 04:06 AM

Okay, that's a little different than what you said in your opening post. But, I still have the same opinion about saying "I love" so trivially especially over text because without voice reflection and eye contact it's very hard to get what you're trying to actually convey. (as you can see by your current enquiry). Anyway: I don't think he disappeared because you said you love him however, you'll never really know unless he re-appears and then you can ask him why he just vanished (but don't ask him over text because it's too easy for the reply to be misinterpreted)

**sylwas** · 23-09-11, 04:14 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Okay, that's a little different than what you said in your opening post. But, I still have the same opinion about saying "I love" so trivially especially over text because without voice reflection and eye contact it's very hard to get what you're trying to actually convey. (as you can see by your current enquiry). Anyway: I don't think he disappeared because you said you love him however, you'll never really know unless he re-appears and then you can ask him why he just vanished (but don't ask him over text because it's too easy for the reply to be misinterpreted)

yeah...well alll this happened times ago lol...now he came back, and texted me again. so thinking about the past, it came to my mind this situation and i decided to ask cause i was curious if men really get scared about love. Anyway, he asked me out...saying that he wasn't ready at the time -.-"

**Wakeup** · 23-09-11, 04:29 AM

Keep in mind that he disappeared without a word and ignored you. That is the first red flag as far as I'd be concerned. A reasonable person would have at least answered you.. you did try to contact him, right? Or are you lamenting that he never contacted you again but you didn't bother to contact him either... which would make you both evenly apathetic to one another once the score is tallied.

**sylwas** · 23-09-11, 04:37 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Keep in mind that he disappeared without a word and ignored you. That is the first red flag as far as I'd be concerned. A reasonable person would have at least answered you.. you did try to contact him, right? Or are you lamenting that he never contacted you again but you didn't bother to contact him either... which would make you both evenly apathetic to one another once the score is tallied.

i contacted him and he had always texted me back...and he was always nice, but he stopped texting me first...so at the end i stopped too. Then he contacted me just once, few weeks later, saying something about his new band website.
anyway i didn't give him a second chance...cause i don't believe he wasn't ready, and that's not a good excuse

**shpadoinklejoe** · 25-09-11, 06:36 AM

it's possible, but not likely.

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I said " i love you" (as a joke) and he disappeared...?

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