Confused

[passive]

Hello,

Thank you to anyone that spends a minute giving me some advice.

A quick overview

Me and my now EX had been seeing each other for 9 months. Things were going great we enjoyed our time together and never really had an argument that is worth talking about.
Until about a week and a half ago when I started to notice she was acting a bit 'off' with me, you know when you just get that vibe?

I should also point out that she has recently (less than a month) got a new job as a career and was complaining that she was always exhausted, may be a added factor to the break up.

From the 17th to the 18th getting any kind of contact out of her via phone or text was almost impossible, I seemed to just collect messages on her inbox with no reply.

On the 19th I asked if she was ok with me coming down later in the week to see her, she said "Im not sure, let me thing about it"
I replied "what is there to think about?"

She then went on to say we need to talk, and basically said that she did not want to be in a relationship any more (with anyone) and that I was the perfect Boyfriend and never did her any wrong ect.. ect..

I was shocked, literally out of no were she wants to be single, apparently due to no fault of my own.. And I have to say there are no major factors worth talking about that would prove that statement wrong in any way..

So my question is, why suddenly, when things were going so well does she want to be single.

I can be sure of the fact that there is not another person, so please take that out of the equation.


Any ladies that can shed some light on this (Or men if there about) I would be forever great-full.

I also want to point out I have told her I will wait for her until she feels ready to get back into a relationship and I do want to take her back.

My plan at the moment is to give her space and not engage in any contact with her, to see if she realises what she has lost and perhaps miss me.

Thanks again,

Ben

[Cerby]

Hi Ben, good move on the "no contact" thing.

But do yourself a favour and use it to start healing, its likely she isn't coming back. If she said she "just wanted to be single" then her feelings for you just aren't there. Its a cop out or a nice let down, depends on how you see it.

If she comes back, great, but don't speak to her unless she wants to talk about you as a couple. Don't be her friend and don't be "there" for her. Waste of time, been there, done that.

[passive]

Thanks for the reply,

See, If this was a progressive thing, such as having arguments more frequently leading up to it ect then I could almost understand. The fact it was in such a short space of time I don't understand how someone can go off another person so fast.

I think the job stress has a major role to play.. But perhaps I'm just telling my self what I want to hear.

She's the type of person that pushes people away if they get to close, it scares her a bit so perhaps she thought things were going too good? However crazy that sounds.

Her sisters and mother have spoke to me and all of them think she will come around and is just going through a funny phase of not knowing what she wants to do. They are all just as shocked as myself.

But then again who knows....

[Cerby]

No matter the case, she is screaming for space, so give it to her. Give her all the space she needs and more. . .

[Andariel]

You did well going No Contact with her; it is the only way to see if she has real feelings for you,; if she does she will miss you and come back.

It does sound,however, like a case of 'it's not you,it's me' when someone is telling you that because they want to break up but don't want to hurt you. I find it odd that she changed so rapidly.Also, what makes you say taht you are sure there is no one else involved?I don't know the girl but looking at this objectively, I could never say that this is not a possibility. One can never be sure about these kind of things,I'm afraid...

In any case, there is a very real possibility that she may not come back so my advice would be to not put your life and healing on hold because there is a chance she might consider taking you back. No Contact will help with making things a bit easier for you and you should focus on yourself right now and on going out and meeting new people. Also, even if no one else is involved in the break up, someone who is willing to leave you out of the blue could very well do that again next time.So before you consider a reconciliation (if that is even a possibility) I would strongly recommend first getting to the bottom of why thishas happened in the first place and resolving these issues with her before getting back into a relationship so that you can avoid further heartache in the future.

[passive]

Well I did not text her for the hole day today and she text me asking how my day was, not sure If that is her feeling guilty or something more to it.

I didn't reply and I'm going to see if she try's to talk to me again tomorrow, if she does I'll reply politely but won't try and keep a long conversation going. I dont want to be a complete ass and just blatantly ignore her for a week. But I won't initiate the conversations.

I have a plan for the weekend, I'm going to be making a geocache for her specifically. A letter to her house describing were she can find it.

I will be putting it in a place we used to go quite often, inside the hidden box I have written some stories about good times we have had. Just talking about days out we had and my favourite parts of it ect.

There won't be any bitter comments or talk of, take me back ect.. I just think it's a brilliant way for her to remember the good times we had together and perhaps she will miss it and want it back.

[Cerby]

I have a plan for the weekend, I'm going to be making a geocache for her specifically. A letter to her house describing were she can find it.

I will be putting it in a place we used to go quite often, inside the hidden box I have written some stories about good times we have had. Just talking about days out we had and my favourite parts of it ect.

There won't be any bitter comments or talk of, take me back ect.. I just think it's a brilliant way for her to remember the good times we had together and perhaps she will miss it and want it back.

Sigh, best of luck with this, but late romantic gestures rarely have the result you want.

[passive]

Well what do you suggest?

And please don't say move on.

At this point in time I want to fight for her.

I can heal anytime I want. Does not have to be right now.

No pain, no gain.

I would prefer to try and fail, then to have never tried and wonder for the rest of my life what might have happened.

[Cerby]

If you don't want to move on, then don't. But she has pretty much asked for some space to be single for some time. Pushing her with gestures may seem romantic to you because you're still in denial, but the truth is, she will find it annoying and disrepectful of her wishes.

When you're suffering from a broken heart, you tend to see things how you want to see them, and not how they actually are.

About 6 months ago I got hurt pretty bad by someone and tried all the same things you're doing to different degrees, but nothing worked. Now I've moved on and found someone new that makes me just as happy.

I recommend you just leave her alone for now. Some space might do you both good, trust me.