Girl on online dating site asked me for Facebook and I said "not yet"....?

[robertdawson]

I talked to one girl for a while today (on-site email) on an online website and after a while she seemed at least somewhat interested and sent me an email asking me if I had a facebook.

I just "met" her today so I didn't want to give out my last name, but none of the other info on there I have any qualms about giving up. Here is my response:

"Yes, I have a Facebook and I would really like to give it to you except I don't feel comfortable giving out my last name just yet. I'd prefer to give it out only when meeting in person, and I would prefer to get to know you better (chat a few more times on this site.. even if Facebook chat is way more convenient... there is instant messaging on this site though) before doing that.

However, there isn't anything else on there that I'm apprehensive about sharing. Just ask me what sort of things you would like to know. The info sections on facebook are: Philosophy (Political views, Quotations), Sports, Arts and Entertainment (music, movies, games, books, TV) and Activities and Interests. I'm interested in hearing about your's as well. "

I don't see anything wrong with that... I was honest about giving out my last name and told her that I'd like to get to know her more (as opposed to asking for a phone # or to meet up right now) and offered her the same info that would be on the profile. The last few times she talked to me every time she was online she sent me a reply email. It is a little early, but she was online for about 45 minutes just now and did not reply.

If someone gets upset that I said I don't want to give out my last name right off the back (but offered up a lot of other information) then that is someone I shouldn't want to mess with anyway right (feeling hurt WAY too easily and for little reason, or they are a scammer and wanted to subversively facebook stalk me). The profile seems legitimate... there are lots of pictures in different areas, the "about me" section and interests doesn't sound sketchy and she gave a few details (I went to school here and then changed my mind and went to this other school) that I guess could be made up but seem unlikely (unless it was a real professional scam artist).

[mwahahaha]

Facebook is for gays. Why do you even have it.? You know the feds scan it for bombers and tax evaders.... delete that pish asap and find a real bird in a bar etc

[James Banes]

You're hung up about offending a girl you just met and that you don't trust enough to give your last name? Seriously?

[robertdawson]

Not hung up, just wondering if I worded it poorly I guess... or talking about meeting up (even though I said I didn't want to just yet) freaked her out?

[leoben]

You gave off a horrible vibe of insecurity and wimpiness by not giving her your facebook, women have valid reasons for not giving it out but guys don't. What are you afraid shes going to find out where you live, pull up in a van and kidnap you?

Either say you don't use facebook or just give it to her next time.

[Wakeup]

Its out there now so forget about it. If shes actually interested she won't let something as unimportant as Facefk chase her off however; if you have to stall before giving someone that info then I suggest you just ignore the question all together until you're comfortable enough to let her in.

[James Banes]

Not hung up, just wondering if I worded it poorly I guess... or talking about meeting up (even though I said I didn't want to just yet) freaked her out?

You already answered your own question in your first quote. If she's freaking out over what you said via facebook then you shouldn't be dating her. Give her at least 24 hours before contacting her again. If she doesn't contact you after that then move on.

[MerryH]

Not hung up, just wondering if I worded it poorly I guess... or talking about meeting up (even though I said I didn't want to just yet) freaked her out?

Yes, you did word it poorly and the follow-up explanation for why you didn't want to give it out was too long and too apologetic. Next time just say you only give out your facebook info to close friends and relatives. No explanation necessary.

[robertdawson]

If she was interested she wouldn't have cared.

Leoben: you are aware there are other things people can do with your name right? You're also aware that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are right? For all I know it could have been a guy posting pictures of his girlfriend and trying to scam people.