Drunken mess

[Sticker]

Allow me to give you a short version of my story (hopefully).

Been dating this girl for a year now. She doesn't want a relationship so we've been stuck at the dating stage all this time. Lately she came up to me and told me that our spark is gone and she is thinking about ending things between us. I always assumed that that is something that happens in every "relationship", but not something to break up over. Anyway she said she had to think things through.

Here is where the real trouble starts.

After some time we went abroad with some of our friends. But she kept being cold and distant from me, as if she no longer had any interest. She barely even talked to me. Noticing this I confronted her, and she said that everything is okay between us (i.e. still dating). I had hoped things would go back to the way they were but she still avoided me. Broken hearted, I ended up getting drunk (more than the rest of my friends), and before I knew it, the following day (last day abroad) she was pissed at me and intentionally stayed away. I didn't even hear a good morning from her. I asked if I could talk to her again to which she angrily refused and kept avoiding me. On the plane I asked her what was wrong again and angrily refused even more. We parted ways at the airport still fighting.

I asked one of her friends for some insight and apparently she is mad because when I was drunk she accused me of faking (I wasn't) and I replied back that she is jealous. Why on earth would someone get mad over that?

I thought I could get our spark back during this holiday but we ended up fighting. Would should I do? Lately we've been fighting regularly but I always manned up and set things right between us. I feel I should let her come to me this time.

[nestorz]

She wants to leave you and is simply looking for things to blame you.

Normaly, Im sure she wouldnt get pissed over this.

Sorry to say this, but theres not much hope for your relationship atm.

[bulrush]

^ Nestorz has a very good possibility.

Is there something she needs but she is not getting from you? Or has she found that you two are just incompatible?
What are the fights about?

[Sticker]

Hope Nestorz is wrong

I don't know if she needs anything else. She always wanted space, a social life, satisfaction, etc... all of which I think I have given her. The fights are always related to our dating "relationship", sometimes petty like thinking that we don't like each other. When you stay stuck this long at the dating level things tend to go bad after a while. She probably thinks that we're incompatible after these regular arguments now. Pity too, I was planning on throwing her a surprise birthday party this week (4 months before her actual birthday so it really would be a surprise.) I just wish I could salvage this.

[James Banes]

Keep deluding yourself into believing nestorz is wrong. He isn't. When women want to end the relationship they get cold and distant: she'll talk to you less; ignore you; give you the cold shoulder; stop answering your messages; get mad over petty things; start insulting you; and generally make you feel like your existence is a burden to her.

The signs are all there dude. She's already broken up with you (she just has to say it). She's probably already had sex with another guy. Women make this stuff unintentionally easy to spot but so many guys delude themselves into thinking there's nothing wrong. Pretty soon we'll see you posting in the Broken Hearts Forum, asking about how to cope with your loss and what you can do to get her back.

[smackie9]

Wow dude you are in such denial. Yes those are very good reasons to break up. She isn't into you anymore and wants to move on, accept this is over because it is.

[devonbrown]

It sounds like the relationship is over. Frankly, it sounds like she was just using you from the beginning until she had enough or found someone else. A year of just "dating" but not willing to call it a relationship is a big red flag. The fact that she was acting cold and distant is a big red flag. The fact that you responded to that action by getting sloppy drunk is a big red flag for her.

I would say to realize that the best times are behind you with her and move on. There is no need for a "breakup" since you aren't a couple. I would leave her be and look for other potential romantic interests.

Good luck.

[Sticker]

Ah well there really isn't much I can do then. Its a pity really I had high hopes for us. Thus starts the rather painful moving on process.

[Wakeup]

I agree with Nestorz and with Devon...

Hope Nestorz is wrong

I don't know if she needs anything else. She always wanted space, a social life, satisfaction, etc... all of which I think I have given her. The fights are always related to our dating "relationship", sometimes petty like thinking that we don't like each other. When you stay stuck this long at the dating level things tend to go bad after a while. She probably thinks that we're incompatible after these regular arguments now. Pity too, I was planning on throwing her a surprise birthday party this week (4 months before her actual birthday so it really would be a surprise.) I just wish I could salvage this.

You try too hard to please a woman that doesn't even value you. Men like you who do everything they can for someone who doesn't value you are known as "the dreaded nice guy." Stop being her door mat and be strong enough to break up with her. This relationship is going no where except dragging you and your well being to hell. Quit trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. You can do better and you deserve to be with someone who respects and values you.

I hope you garner the strength and the personal insight to be able to reflect back on this quai-relationship to see what I'm talking about. Don't try to buy her affections with a 4 month early birthday surprise. It's manipulative at best.

Do tell her that you've severed the relationship though (if you get the strength to do that) she needs to know that she can't keep treating men like she treated you (even if they've allowed themselves to be treated as such).

[Sticker]

I wasn't planning on telling her anything more now. I don't even plan on responding back if she does contact me. Its immature of me yes, but I have no need for the likes of her.

[Mathias]

Keep deluding yourself into believing nestorz is wrong. He isn't. When women want to end the relationship they get cold and distant: she'll talk to you less; ignore you; give you the cold shoulder; stop answering your messages; get mad over petty things; start insulting you; and generally make you feel like your existence is a burden to her.

The signs are all there dude. She's already broken up with you (she just has to say it). She's probably already had sex with another guy. Women make this stuff unintentionally easy to spot but so many guys delude themselves into thinking there's nothing wrong. Pretty soon we'll see you posting in the Broken Hearts Forum, asking about how to cope with your loss and what you can do to get her back.

We need more of this guy around.

[Wakeup]

I wasn't planning on telling her anything more now. I don't even plan on responding back if she does contact me. Its immature of me yes, but I have no need for the likes of her.

Don't say it unless you mean it.

[Sticker]

I really do. Please believe me when I tell you I'm not the typical "nice guy" despite what this thread might suggest. I deleted her from my contacts, only her facebook profile remains, but I made it so that I don't see her updates on my wall.

Moving on is bloody hard. Been a while since I did this

[bulrush]

Sticker, there's nothing wrong with you. You two were just incompatible.

[Sticker]

Ah crap I spoke too soon. She just messaged me saying that she doesn't know what happened between us abroad but she still wants to remain friends. Should I stick to my "I don't reply back" thing or should I reply with something?