Can I trust her? .. In need of help!

[opgr]

Hey there. First thing I should say , is that I'm quite new to forums like this one. I've read some of the threads here and it made me feel that I should definitely give it a try since I'm a step before being desperate.Here's the story then.

I'm with this girl for almost 1.5 year.We're both 23yo. Our relationship started as a LDR one since we were living in completely different places of Europe.We did long distance for about 4 months - of course we would see each other once every month or so, either me going to her , or her coming to me - until we decided to move in together.It was a decision we both made and were really glad about it since we knew that if we wanted to be together , someone had to make the sacrifice and leave his/her old life back for a new beginning.In our case, I was the one moving to where she was living.We were having a great time for the first 2-3 months of our relationship until all of a sudden , her mother , started hating me.She was trying to convince her to leave me because she claimed I wouldn't be able to provide for her with the job I'm planning to do ( studying music ) and that I would drag her down.All in all, her mother was a control freak.Trying to tell her with whom she could be together,hang out with , where to work and such.She wasn't treated nicely by her family so she decided the best thing to do is to leave that country with me and live for a while in my country , at least for a short period of time until we could find something else to do.

So we did.We lived in my country for some time and we both promised that we wouldn't leave each other and try to make things better for our life together. During the time she was living with me , her mother would call her saying lies about her health.That she was having heart issues and that is getting worse now that her daughter was away and so on.My girlfriend, broke down emotionally and was crying almost every day.I was doing my best to make her realize that there's something wrong with what her mom was saying.She seemed that she started realizing that indeed,there was something going on behind all this and she promised that even if her mom was sick and she had to go back for her,she would totally go back with me by her side.

That situation - phone calls/crying/etc - was going on for a couple of months.It was really hard for me because my girlfriend actually "announced" me one day that she was going back to live with her mother for good. I was devastated because she had promised that she would never do anything like this without talking about it first with me.Anyway,after talking about it and telling her that it wasn't right to do it ,she decided to go just for a week , see how things are and come back.And that's how it happened.

After she came back , we were much better together but the phone calls with her mother crying and saying she was really sick started again.I need to mention here that while my gf was with her,her mom didn't even complain once about her health.I couldn't sleep at nights because I was feeling that the same thing would happen again. I remember one night,I talked about it to my gf and the fact that I can't trust her because of what she did and she started crying , telling me that she's so sorry for that and that she would prove that it's only me she wants to be with and be happy together no matter if others would try to tear us apart.Stupid me, I believed her.

20 days after that , she "announced" ( saying announced , because we didn't talk about it.She just said that she had made up her mind , no matter what I would say ) to me that she would go back to live with her mother once for all.That was a huge blow.
I cannot trust her anymore.She actually left me 2 days after she said that and we've been living apart for 3 weeks now.We are keeping a LDR which is killing me at the moment for many reasons.

One of the reasons is that I feel she doesn't have a mind of her own , because her mother keeps telling her the people she should hang out with.She wasn't talking to a friend she had , for over 2 years and now ,and now because her mother told her,she started talking to her again.Her whole family tries to make her go out in clubs with friends and "have fun" so she could get another boyfriend,much better than me.Not a loser , in their eyes.Her family treats her like shit and they are making her do anything for them as if she's their slave(Don't forget she is 23 yo!).I told her that if she does love me and realize that she is living in a very unhealthy environment ( her mom has been beaten up by her boyfriend many times - and she is still with him even if he has even cheated on her -.- ) she would take the first plane and come to live with me again . At least we would be much happier and together than her being in such a place and both of us feeling crap.

Right now , I have trust issues all over the place because I cannot trust her for anything.I can't feel good when she says that she wants to go out with friends and I can't feel safe when she says that " I'm her life, her everything.She only wants to be with me". I'm sick and tired of JUST listening to those things. I wanna see actions now.

I'm really sorry for the huge post , there's many more things that I haven't posted here. I'm in need of help.What should I do? Trust her and ask her to come and live with me or just break up? Because I can't live like this anymore.It's killing me inside day by day.

[bulrush]

Your gf sounds nice, but she cannot make up her mind, and that is hurting you. She also cannot keep promises, or think things through to see if she might be able to keep a promise in the future. This is bad, very bad. Keeping promises is all about creating trust, which is one part of the foundation of a relationship. She messed that up. And she cannot stand up to her mom, who sounds manipulative and possibly mentally ill. Believe me, I have experience with the mentally ill.

IMO, I think she will continue hurting you in the future. So now what are you going to do? Find someone better, or continue on this self-destructive path by keeping her in your life?

If you keep her in your life, you are sending the message that 1) you like pain, or 2) you unrealistically think your gf will fix herself. You cannot fix someone if they don't think anything is wrong or they don't want to be fixed.

[opgr]

Thanks for the fast reply bulrush. Seems like it was a good idea to join a forum and talk about it after all.

I totally agree with every single thing you said. I actually told her that she should probably ask for some help and advice from a counselor or someone able to help her.Because sooner or later , even if she's mentally healthy right now, she will become ill.
In this case, it's not that she doesn't think anything is wrong but on the other hand , she knows it , realizes it and she's pathetically accepting everything that happens right now ( the situation at her place etc ) . All she's saying is " I know you are right , I love you " while crying and putting her head down. So she DOES know that thins are wrong.
What I agree with , is that she probably doesn't want to be fixed like you said. If she did want that , we wouldn't be in a situation like this. I can't say I have trouble making my mind after talking to various people that I trust , such as my parents who taught me how real love is and the most important kind of love that is between the parents and their children.

Hope there will be some more answers or better , opinions on the matter. What keeps me back from saying the obvious , is probably the fact that it feels like I'm giving up on her by telling her I don't want to be with her anymore.